[WorkingOnMe]

Thank you for your advice EleGirl.

He says that he wants to stay married and I actually recently bought 'How to help your spouse heal from your affair' but he has been somewhat slow to read it :| He says he wants to do the work but he is a pretty unemotional guy and I just don't see him really trying, to me he hasn't shown remorse.

I've had to drag the details out of him and when I ask him why he friended and contacted her after 4-5 years he says he doesn't know why. I know for a fact he hasn't seen this woman in over 5 years - to me it looks callous to befriend & chat with her, that doesn't look like guilt/remorse to me. The fact that she blocked him and ended the 'friendship' and I can't contact her makes it harder for me to find closure......

I am still ill but not at deaths door like I was six years ago. Of course our children don't want us to divorce, knucklehead told the kids a few days after he was busted. I would have preferred not to tell our youngest child but oh well 😕

He says he doesn't know why, because he doesn't want to say the reason. I'm sure you already know that your illness is likely the reason. And the reason he wants to stay is most likely because of the kids, not because he feels remorse. In reality, deep down inside, he probably feels justified in both what he did, and staying for the kids.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

if you have needs that great, then when you take vow's, skip the parts that say "in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad".

While I agree with your sentiment, I think people have a fundamental misunderstanding of the vows. You can only "vow" for yourself, so when you say to have and to hold (code for sex) in sickness and in health, you're talking about your own sickness and health, not the other person's. It wouldn't make sense to say 'I promise to have and hold whether you're sick or healthy'. That would be just a little creepy. The vow is, 'I promise to have and hold whether I'm sick or healthy'. Now, he still broke the vows. Whether she did or not is unknown.