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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Of course I still love her, thats probably why I feel tormented by things that happened during our last 8 months together. Let me first say when she left, it was a shock to me, blindsided big time. the only thing she left was a note that said 'I looked in the mirror and didn't like what I saw, don't come after me" We didn't talk untill about over a year after she left.I hope this is the right place for this. I will just state the facts or as i saw them along with a couple things after she was gone.
1) One night i walked into the bathroom area, and saw her pulling on her labia like stretching, 9 years never saw that, and porn was not an instructer as it was banned in our home.
2)Then she started cupping my testicles during play which was way new for me (with her).
3) abut 5 months she said, no more sex, anywhere but the bedroom..Kids are not a factor.
4) After she left i found out that she had thursdays off about 10 months prior to leaving.
5)Phone calls on the cell phone right after I would leave about 6:30 am. it wasn't just a couple times. At least 2 to 3 times a week,every week for a year. They were calls to her boss at work, which is a church and he's the pastor...I need the truth and answers, I know it's irrelevant now, but i keep telling myself, she would never do that, she was a good woman but the little crumbs bring inner turmoil ..can anyone give me advice and thoughts...
thank you
 

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How long were the two of you married? How old are the two of you?

The trail of evidence would be pretty thin now. I think you have what you have... a record of phone calls to the pastor. And of course her lies about having Thursdays off for a year.

When she left where did she go?
How long ago did she leave?

What did she tell you when she spoke to you? Did you ask her about the pastor?

Are you divorced now?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hi, thank you for taking an interest. We were married for 9 years and 11 months. I just turned 50 a week ago and she is 56. We both were blessed to age with grace. She looks no more than late 30's. I also looked younger but the last 3 yrs took its toll.The odd thing is she worked at the church, from 9 to 5..very strange the time and the pattern. Not really sure where she went at first, then one day I had heard she now with her mom. She left August 2009. The divorce was final Sept 2011. When we did speak i asked her if she could answer some questions i had, she said it makes me nervous...but she did say, I never cheated on you. I moved to Texas when i was 39, i met her at church 1 month after i moved here,i have no family here. and ever since our break, i havent dated, and that is very odd for me.
thanks again..
 

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I think the most likely answer for why she tried new things in masturbating and sex with you, then limited your sex to the bedroom, lied to you about her schedule, and called her boss frequently outside of work, is that she had an affair.

And it's understandable why she doesn't want to talk to you about it. She is either ashamed by her immoral actions, or she just doesn't see the point in telling you so that you can have closure.

Either way, the way she left and the way she's behaving make it abundantly clear that she just doesn't give a damn about you. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but the facts are what they are.

I hope you can put this behind you.

Good luck.
 

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Closure is important. Will knowing the answers to your questions give you closure or lead to more questions?
What difference in your life will it make knowing these things? What are you hoping to gain pursuing these things? All other ways of suggesting might be time to close this chapter of your life and move on.
 

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I think the most likely answer for why she tried new things in masturbating and sex with you, then limited your sex to the bedroom, lied to you about her schedule, and called her boss frequently outside of work, is that she had an affair.
That pretty much sums it up. But you already knew that, didn't you, Ull?

Start hitting the weights hard. Get your waist down to 32" and soon you'll be able to say your 56 year old cheating wife traded herself in for your new hot 40 year old GF.
 

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Cheaters pretty much never admit to it. You'd have to have videos of her in the act before she would admit anything, and then it would only be what she thinks you already know.

I understand your need for closure. Just knowing that you aren't crazy and that you didn't imagine all of this would be a big relief. Unfortunately she is not likely to understand that, nor does she want to reveal something bad to anybody.

I think you should come to terms with it as being very likely she had some kind of affair(s) which you will never know the details of. It is reasonable to believe your intuition on how you feel about all the weird events even if you don't have crime lab evidence to confirm it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Closure is important. Will knowing the answers to your questions give you closure or lead to more questions?
What difference in your life will it make knowing these things? What are you hoping to gain pursuing these things? All other ways of suggesting might be time to close this chapter of your life and move on.
I really believe it would help me get the closure that I need. I don't expect to ever know for certain, yet it feels like there is something unfinished that needs to be filed and put away. It won't make a difference in my life, only my head. thanks
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Cheaters pretty much never admit to it. You'd have to have videos of her in the act before she would admit anything, and then it would only be what she thinks you already know.

I understand your need for closure. Just knowing that you aren't crazy and that you didn't imagine all of this would be a big relief. Unfortunately she is not likely to understand that, nor does she want to reveal something bad to anybody.

I think you should come to terms with it as being very likely she had some kind of affair(s) which you will never know the details of. It is reasonable to believe your intuition on how you feel about all the weird events even if you don't have crime lab evidence to confirm it.
You are 100% correct Thor.
She is not the type to acknowledge any wrongs. Never once did she take responsibility for any mistakes during our life together. I thank you for your candidness.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I think the most likely answer for why she tried new things in masturbating and sex with you, then limited your sex to the bedroom, lied to you about her schedule, and called her boss frequently outside of work, is that she had an affair.

And it's understandable why she doesn't want to talk to you about it. She is either ashamed by her immoral actions, or she just doesn't see the point in telling you so that you can have closure.

Either way, the way she left and the way she's behaving make it abundantly clear that she just doesn't give a damn about you. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but the facts are what they are.

I hope you can put this behind you.

Good luck.
That was the hardest thing to come to terms with, when someone you love and cared for doesn't give a damn about you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
That pretty much sums it up. But you already knew that, didn't you, Ull?

Start hitting the weights hard. Get your waist down to 32" and soon you'll be able to say your 56 year old cheating wife traded herself in for your new hot 40 year old GF.
Yep, but I guess I just didn't want to believe it. I thought to myself, if she hadn't then maybe there might be reconciliation down the road but if she had there would never be a chance in hell.
 

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Yep, but I guess I just didn't want to believe it. I thought to myself, if she hadn't then maybe there might be reconciliation down the road but if she had there would never be a chance in hell.
Is there a part of you still hoping for reconciliation?
 
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