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Discussion Starter · #61 ·
By unbeliever do we mean no longer a Christian? Or a person who doesn't believe in the Biblical definition of a marriage?
Doesn't a Christian by definition have to accept the Bible and all that is in it? Isn't the Bible the word of God?
 

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Discussion Starter · #62 ·
While I am digesting what you say, I have to point out that my disagreement with you on this point isn't that I find it shocking, but that I don't agree with your reasoning.

To me, the bible simply does not say what you are arguing it says. You have tied together two points I think are separate.
Well, my response was directed to Zanne but if you do not accept Corinthians I guess it can apply to you as well. If both points are in the Bible how can they not be related? Isn't it all the word of God?
 

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Well, my response was directed to Zanne but if you do not accept Corinthians I guess it can apply to you as well. If both points are in the Bible how can they not be related? Isn't it all the word of God?
Accept Corinthians or accept your interpretation of it?
 

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Doesn't a Christian by definition have to accept the Bible and all that is in it? Isn't the Bible the word of God?
So all those that divorce their spouses are unbelievers according to that reasoning. FYI, the vast majority of evangelicals would never label divorcees as unbelievers solely based on that act, regardless of their interpretation of the biblical definition of marriage.
 

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Doesn't a Christian by definition have to accept the Bible and all that is in it? Isn't the Bible the word of God?
Christianity is based off of ones beliefs in Christ. Denying sex as grounds for loss of salvation is silly. A sin? Yes. Divorcible offense? Possibly. I think you are overthinking this.

It is not a stretch to question someones faith if they live in sin.
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Discussion Starter · #67 ·
For all who have posted in this thread Cane Caldo has addressed many of your questions and concerns in his blog. Specifically he addresses how he in fact does indeed practice what he preaches and how the advice originally posted has worked in his marriage. He also addresses my misinterpretation of the use of the term unbeliever. Mr. Caldo in fact used the term non-believer but was referring to her non-belief in her marriage. I apologize if I mis characterized his meaning in any way. He also addresses how this negative attitude in her marriage could lead down a dangerous road. I again suggest folks go to his blog and read his follow up posts. Mr. Caldo, if you are still reading this thread I humbly request you continue to follow up on your original advice I reposted here. I feel sexless marriages are one of the major threats to Christian marriage and more time and thought needs to be devoted to this issue.

Things that We have Heard and Known | Uttering dark sayings from of old.
 

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I'm in the same situation. Not doing a 180, but working on changing me, thus the dynamic of the entire relationship. If W wakes up after that & joins me that is great. She is definitely invited to do so. If not, then truly there is just no love anyway.
 

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Discussion Starter · #69 ·
In his blog Cane Caldo talks about how he used the advice he gave to Tacomaster to heal his own marriage 10 years ago. If you read his blog you can see how much in love he and his wife are. So if he and his wife can bring their marriage back from the brink of divorce I think it's definitely possible for anyone to do it with God's love and a genuine commitment from both spouses.
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Holy moly! OK, this is an old thread that I found through a google.

I have a very dear, and much younger, friend who is suffering with a sexless marriage. And, I might add, she's a very sexual person so I know it's really hurting her.

She is a Christian and one of the good ones. I sure know more bad ones than good ones. I'm not a Christian and she knows it and accepts me for what I am. We've been close friends for almost twenty years. She, and even my wife, refers to her as my girlfriend.

I think the only thing that keeps her from finding sex on the side is her Christianity. And it's causing even more anguish for her because her bible says it's her husbands obligation to satisfy her sexual needs. She's also told me that she would never refuse a husband sex for any reason.

This is just another case that seems, at least to me, that a religion is causing unneeded pain for someone.

And, like a lot of the posters on this thread have debated, the bible contradicts itself numerous times, especially between the old and new testaments. I've always felt that old testament bible thumpers are not Christians at all. And I loved how the acronym, WWJD, didn't last very long because those bible thumpers don't, and won't, do what he would have done.

OK, my wife isn't interested in sex any longer. And, like me, she's not a Christian but she would have sex with me if I asked because she wants to please me, not because some religion said it was her obligation and responsibility. But I don't like charity and that's what it would be. I would love to experience the wonderful pleasures of sex again but only with someone who wants to enjoy it too.
 

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Wow, terrible advice in that article. I can totally see how a man following it would end up with a resentful wife.
 
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I am a believer (to me that means I believe Jesus is the sacrifice that cleanses me of my sins so that I can appear pure to God the father).

I also believe that marriage exist for many biblical reasons, and sex is one of those big reasons. I believe marriage gives us a sacred place for us to indulge in what would otherwise be considered sin. If someone is avoiding or withholding sex, why are you even married, divorce already.

A verse that comes to mind

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried,
as I do.*But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry,*for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
- 1 Corinthians 7:8

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Is the wife obliged to continue to meet her husband's sexual needs even if he is continually and willfully refusing to meet her other needs?
Obliged or not, it is unlikely to happen if he is not meeting her needs.

The tactics in the article can work if the wife is scared to lose the husband. But if she has any self-respect, and is able to support herself, they are likely to fail, and possibly end up with the couple divorced. Thank goodness.
 
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I am a believer (to me that means I believe Jesus is the sacrifice that cleanses me of my sins so that I can appear pure to God the father).

I also believe that marriage exist for many biblical reasons, and sex is one of those big reasons. I believe marriage gives us a sacred place for us to indulge in what would otherwise be considered sin. If someone is avoiding or withholding sex, why are you even married, divorce already.

A verse that comes to mind

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried,
as I do.*But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry,*for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
- 1 Corinthians 7:8
Yep, that's the core of this rotten apple. I wonder how many personal outlooks and romantic unions are needlessly complicated by Saint Paul's screwed-up & very pathologically human attitude toward sex. "Better to marry than burn" is a profoundly sh1tty endorsement of marriage and sex alike.

One defense is that Paul believed the second coming was close at hand, and that his correspondents needed to focus urgently on the spiritual rather than the earthly because of that imminence. If so, this vital context is rarely acknowledged. The epistles are presented as God's unchanging and unimpeachable view of human sexuality, now and forever, amen. It's a prescription for repression & toxic shame.
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Is the wife obliged to continue to meet her husband's sexual needs even if he is continually and willfully refusing to meet her other needs?
I haven't read the full thread since it's an older thread and I am on my first sips of coffee. So, if it{s been said, forgive me.

It's not just the wife who is expected to provide sex to her spouse. Men are also obligated in this way. I think part of the problem we have with the passages referring to sex is that they are often interpreted as applying to the woman when they actually apply equally to both genders.

I am Catholic. The Church teaches that marriage is a total giving of self, one to the other. This total giving does include the body. It seems very simple. If one does not want to surrender autonomy and control, they should simply refrain from getting married.

In my faith, a couple may decide together to abstain from sex for a time and it is not sinful. However, if one spouse desires sex and the other does not, denying sex can be a sin depending on the circumstances. Illness, exhaustion, painful intercourse and such like are valid reasons to deny sex and not sinful. "I don't wanna!" all by itself isn't a valid reason to shirk the duties of marriage and is considered sinful.
 

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Holy moly! OK, this is an old thread that I found through a google.......
OK, my wife isn't interested in sex any longer. And, like me, she's not a Christian but she would have sex with me if I asked because she wants to please me, not because some religion said it was her obligation and responsibility. But I don't like charity and that's what it would be. I would love to experience the wonderful pleasures of sex again but only with someone who wants to enjoy it too.
Wow, today would of been my 35th anniversary. Thankfully, I forgot all about it until last night the date was given on the radio and I thought..."Crap!" I waited for the flow of emotions that have hit me this day, with decreasing intensity at least, and waited and nope! none at all! (Divorced 2011) anyway I digress (sp).

I had "duty sex" for 5 years and hated it! I remember her sleeping (downstairs on couch) after the act was over, and staring at the ceiling, hating it! There is so much better out there! I wont go into specifics, but believe it there is somewhere a woman who desires you and desires that you desire her. It may even be your wife. Just encouragement to not accept.
 
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