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Discussion Starter · #181 ·
Why does he have his truck and your car?
I call it my car because I was driving an uninspected car for years. I tried to learn to drive his truck, a stick shift, but kept burning out the clutch. Finally my tax returns came in and stimulous money. I found a car I liked and told him about the car. He went out while I was at work and bought it "for me". With my money. As a gift. That was conveniently in his name only. Now since his truck is too cramped to live out of and my car is in his name he has taken the keys and threatens me with stealing if I try to take the keys back. He puts the seats down in thr back andvsleeps in the lot right outside my house.
 

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Talk to your attorney about the car. Do you have keys to the truck? Is your name on it? Tell him you need the car because you have to be able to get your kid to the doctor or dentist and pickup groceries. No judge is going to be thrilled that your jerk of a husband left you and your kid without transportation. Tell him that. And, damn it, start thinking!
 

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Discussion Starter · #183 ·
Talk to your attorney about the car. Do you have keys to the truck? Is your name on it? Tell him you need the car because you have to be able to get your kid to the doctor or dentist and pickup groceries. No judge is going to be thrilled that your jerk of a husband left you and your kid without transportation. Tell him that. And, damn it, start thinking!
Oh I put that in my paperwork alright. He can drive his truck or motorcycle. My car was my only mode of transport and I had to share with my son so he could work too. Now we have to tell him our schedules and get rides from him. Which I refuse. I would rather walk the hour to work than get in a car with him. He says I can use the truck that is packed with crap and clearly nevwr really learned oh and is uninspected!!
 

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Yes, he’s counting on the fact that you hate this. He doesn’t. He’s more than willing to play brinkmanship — and enjoys it — so you’ll have to really toughen up. Some people are capable of anything.
 

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Discussion Starter · #187 ·
He has three vehickes all in his name. Supposedly they are "ours" but convenietly his when he wants them to be. He has a registered uninspected truck, a registered motorcycle, and my car which is fully legal but in his name. He wants me to use the illegal truck I can barely drive, and I dont have a motorcycle license.
 

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Discussion Starter · #188 ·
Yes, he’s counting on the fact that you hate this. He doesn’t. He’s more than willing to play brinkmanship — and enjoys it — so you’ll have to really toughen up. Some people are capable of anything.
And he does it ever so calmly and is super charming to everyone else. It makes me look like a psycho.
 

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A little back story. I moved out with my children 5 months ago. My ex was in a dispute with the landlord at the time. I had been paying all the rent as my ex was unemployed with no benefits for 3 years. I never once missed a payment nor missed a payment for untilities. Previously we lost our own house and evicted from our next home due to my husbands chronic unemployment. I found a good job, got certified in my field, and seemed to be able to keep things afloat. Even during covid. Then my ex got into it with the landlord anx even though their was no qualm with me or the children wanted us out because of him. It was the final straw. In addition to years of physical, emotional, and financial abuse he was getting us thrown out...again.

Before we could be evicted I managed to find my own place and moved. This new place is temporary. Money is tight, but rent gets paid on time etc etc. I told him he was not welcome to live in my new home. My ex had no choice but to stay in the old place and fought the land lord in court. He lost. He is appealing. He is still not working. I do not know what his finances look like. I pay his cell bill because it was a family plan under my name and I want the kids to be able to contact their Dad.

It has been 5 months since I moved. I feel incredibly guilty. He has had a couple of interviews but things haven't panned out for him. He resents me. He has lost weight, been drinking more. I don't now what to do.Do I offer to let him stay with us? ( I don't want to) Do I let him become homless? And if I do that what to do about visitation? Any advice would be welcome. Thank you.
He is your ex.
He is not your responsibility. Your kids are.

Move on.
 

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And he does it ever so calmly and is super charming to everyone else. It makes me look like a psycho.
That’s how people like him always operate. The crazy stuff is saved for family behind closed doors. They want (need) everyone else to believe they’re great and they’ll go out of their way to make sure that happens. I have someone just like him in my extended family. They are hard-core users and they look for enablers.
 

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And he does it ever so calmly and is super charming to everyone else. It makes me look like a psycho.
I'd bet he doesn't fool as many people as you think.

My ex was super concerned with his phony nice guy image but I found after the divorce a lot of people were on to him.

Don't mistake people's reluctance to get involved for them actually buying his act.
 

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That's too funny about the toupee. 😜 I know I need to toughen up . Its a very uncomfortable feeling ( yet another thing I hate him for) I still have to remind myself over and over that I am reacting apprppriately to HIS choices.
Here's another laugh for you:

My older son and I ran into him at Walmarr a couple of years ago. Son had grown his hair out.....he has nice thick strawberry tinted hair like his mom 😀

Ex looked at him and in that sarcastic tone paired with a phony smile which is his MO, he said "nice hair".

Let me tell you had badly I wanted to respond with "nice hair"....and I wouldn't have had a phony smile on my face.

Maybe if it happened again I will respond i kind. I did tell him to **** off during another run in 😀
 

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Discussion Starter · #193 ·
I'd bet he doesn't fool as many people as you think.

My ex was super concerned with his phony nice guy image but I found after the divorce a lot of people were on to him.

Don't mistake people's reluctance to get involved for them actually buying his act.
Well he thought his nice guy image was going to save him from eviction. The judge caught on to him fast enough. He tried the nice guy thing on my neighbor and she saw through it. Most people saw it by I was so blinded and thought for the longest time, it must be me cuz he ist like that with anyone else. Thays half the reason I dont want to talk face to face because he puts me in that head space.
 

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Discussion Starter · #194 ·
That’s how people like him always operate. The crazy stuff is saved for family behind closed doors. They want (need) everyone else to believe they’re great and they’ll go out of their way to make sure that happens. I have someone just like him in my extended family. They are hard-core users and they look for enablers.
No one would ever believe he would threaten to kill me. But he did last year. And it STILL took a year to leave!!
 

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No one would ever believe he would threaten to kill me. But he did last year. And it STILL took a year to leave!!
#1 that little tidbit should pretty much be included in the RO paperwork. If you have proof, all the better, but even if it was just said, at least include it and the date it happened as best you remember.

#2 I'm 59yo and because I've seen a thing or two, I see right through people like this (male and female)--lots of us do! In fact, many judges have seen a thing or two also, especially regarding domestic violence and abuse. Now, not all judges are good. Obviously some are corrupt and some are just bad people! But many have at least seen enough abusers and excuses to see through this kind of malarchy and be somewhat fair.

See, judges don't rule based on "justice" because true justice would be to recompense you for the abuse you've suffered. No, judges rule based on the law, based on whether they're having a bad day, based on just splitting things 50/50, based on certain legal criteria, and based on clearing cases off their desk!

So in the RO you discuss the threats...and in the temporary orders for the legal separation, you ask the judge to specify who gets which vehicle. The temporary RO will likely come up first--usually they are granted fairly swiftly and not too much "proof" is required to issue "stay away until such date as we can convene in court". At least that way, he won't be able to park by your house anymore! And if he does, call the police and show them the RO.

Until the temporary orders, you'll likely have to walk to work and so will your son, but boy that will show your son who your STBX is, won't it? Once you're at the temporary orders, usually if there are two people and 3 vehicles, the judge orders something like "He gets X, she gets Y until the trial" because in many US states, a marital asset is a marital asset, even if only his name is on it.

For now, bide your time. Yep, it sucks, and yet, just think of all that exercise! YAY! :)
 

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No one would ever believe he would threaten to kill me. But he did last year.
I was wondering if he would escalate to this level after all he's done in the past few weeks. Apparently, he already has. Please don't take any of his threats lightly. My ex never outright threatened me, but when I found an unregistered handgun in his office, I knew it was time for me to take any and all threats seriously. I got out with my life. And my ex? He stopped harassing me when he hooked onto another victim, uh, I mean woman.
 
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Discussion Starter · #197 ·
I was wondering if he would escalate to this level after all he's done in the past few weeks. Apparently, he already has. Please don't take any of his threats lightly. My ex never outright threatened me, but when I found an unregistered handgun in his office, I knew it was time for me to take any and all threats seriously. I got out with my life. And my ex? He stopped harassing me when he hooked onto another victim, uh, I mean woman.
Well the separation papers have already been filed. I asked for use of my car, temp child support ( not that he will pay it), and visitation with restrictions. The RO I need to talk with my domestic abuse resource manager..
 

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Low on stamina today, guys. pray for me.
You know, @Erudite, you don’t have to “charge” every day. Some days it is a victory just to not slide backwards! If you need a rest, it’s okay to take one. Maybe today is a journal day, or a meditation/prayer day, or a day to read and think and learn.
 
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