I have been with my husband now for 3 years. We got engaged after 2 years, and we were married on Sept. 1, 2012 (yes, this year). I am 34 years old, and we have no children (thankfully!). My parents never approved of him, probably because they wanted me to marry another professional (i.e. a doctor or lawyer, like me). My husband is a firefighter and never finished college. I never saw anything wrong with that. As a result, my parents and I did not speak for 2.5 of the 3 years I was with him because I chose him over them.
The Sexting - So we were married on 9/1/12. On 9/13/12, I found a second cell phone that my husband kept. It was his deceased father's old cell phone. He told me it had long been disconnected but when I turned the power on, it worked. Immediately it began "dinging" with text messages. It was clearly not disconnected. On that phone, were text messages to 12 different women from just the day before (he had erased all other days). He gave one of them my home address and set up an appointment to meet. He negotiated the price with another one and said he wanted to "play twice" (cum twice). When she asked what he looked like, he sent a photo of his firefighter mentor to her and claimed it was him. Each meeting was set for a day when he was off of work and I was at work. I come home at 730pm on the weekdays. All meetings were set between 11 and 2pm. One of them tried to arrange 530pm but he said it was too late, as his "roommate" comes home.
The forums - I opened up the web browser on the phone and discovered usasexguides.info. A sex forum where users post "Yelp"-style reviews of hookers. I saw a username that looked familiar and I randomly guessed his password and it worked. I was able to log into his account on the forum. I found over 100 reviews of different prostitutes, many from our geographic area where we live. In each city he traveled to without me (including Reno for his bachelor party in July ’12 when I was extremely busy at work) he posted ads looking for good references for prostitutes. Sept '11 in LA. July '10 in MI…. I read all his reviews which were extremely graphic and descriptive of the encounter, the price, and the feeling and what she did to him. I found 4 more forum websites and I found 4 secret emails that he maintained. On Craigslist, he posted an ad every 3-5 days looking for "petite and hot" in my town. I saw every ad from 2011-12. On my bachelorette party night July 18, he posted "empty house looking for fun!" The day before the wedding August 31 he posted "looking for morning fun 10am". I found forum posts dating back to 1999.
The Cover-Up Story - On 9/15/12, we talked for 8 hours and I DEMANDED that he tell me everything and completely clean. He told me he has a sickness. He swore (on his dead father’s grave) that he never physically encountered anyone but he only made up fantasy stories. He claimed to call it off at the last minute. He swore he never had anyone in my bed or in my home even though he gave out my address.
The Real Story - The week after I found out, he began seeing a psychologist, and he started going to church multiple times per week. One week later, on September 21, 2012, my husband told me he has found God and he confessed he had slept with 5 women while he was with me, as recently as July 2012. 3 were his female friends sometime in 2009-10, and the other 2 were at massage parlors. He had sex with one of his girlfriends twice, for a total of 6 times in the 3 years I was with him. When he told me, I was so angry, I gave him 3 hours to get all of his stuff out of my house or I threatened to burn it. I had him sign uncontested divorce papers (we had a 24 page prenup so divorce is not a problem, and I don’t qualify for annulment in my state). I kicked him out and he is living with his family.
The Aftermath - That week, I felt so lost, I just showed up at my parents doorstep crying. They hugged me and took me back. I got tested for all diseases which came back negative. It has been 7 weeks since this happened. I am 12 lbs lighter (from not eating or sleeping). He has gone to God and is now a devout Christian. He sold all his personal belongings, his car, his furniture, etc. He has applied to 15 different part-time jobs (like I asked him to do a year ago, since he has 20 days off per month to sit at home and get online). He is studying to take the realtor test, he enrolled at our local University to finish his degree. He is seeing a men’s counseling group, an individual therapist, a marriage therapist (with me) and is serving in his church. I took his iphone, deleted all his email accounts, deleted all his forum posts, he changed his cell phone number, he has a new email address, and we’re both off Facebook and all social media. He cries everyday, tells me he would do anything to have “our” life back, constantly says he made stupid selfish decisions, and swears he will “never touch that sh*t again”. Most of all, he is BEGGING, and I mean BEGGING for a second chance.
It sounds like he’s repenting and trying to change, but I have ZERO trust in him. Absolutely none. He lied the whole time I was with him. I agreed to a marriage counselor becuase it couldn't hurt... right? I know its best if I just file for divorce and move on, but I haven’t been able to do it yet. I'm still so confused. My friends and family all know and wonder why I haven't filed yet. I have NEVER lied to him or been unfaithful. I know I don't deserve this. I’m so confused and lost. Any help???