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My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years and I've taken a "break" twice. I'm 25 and he is 27. For the first 2 years we were together there were many times I could picture myself marrying him. He is ready to get married. But, the past year i've been feeling very indecisive. Little things have happened that i'm worried are red flags. Just recently, we were getting "in the mood" and i noticed he had chaffing on his penis. I asked what happened and he said it was sore from when we had sex last and him touching himself. I said, that's weird, you've never gotten that from us having sex before. He got quiet and very nervous. I said, "is that why you have been rejecting me the last few days? because you were embarassed of your penis?" He said yes. I said, "why didn't you just tell me? it's no big deal." he responded, "i didn't want you to think i'm masturbating too much." then i became concerned. it was quiet for a while and then i said, "so should i be concerned?" he finally told me that he struggled with pornography in highschool (9+ yrs ago) and that recently, when i told him i wastn't sure about us and we broke up for about a week, he feel back into the pattern of pornography (hints the chaffing on his penis). I immediately felt scared and angry. I'm mad at him for not telling me after we've been together for so long and i've told him about some very rough addiction i've faced in the past. Obviously he's embarrassed and hiding it from me. the problem is now i'm second guessing everything. Is he watching porn now? What kind of porn does he watch? Is he hiding other things from me? The list goes on and on... He said he realizes it's a problem and he will fix it. I asked him what he wants me to do and he said he just wants my support. Has anyone else been in this type of situation? I don't necessarily think he is a sex addict but I'm worried because i've read about the things that porn addiction can turn into. He still loves me and usually wants sex with me but now i'm concerned about the times in the past were he "just wasn't in the mood" for month! Was he preoccupied with porn? Any advice is greatly appreciated...
 

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He wasn't in the mood for an entire month?

Porn addiction is tough and can certainly destroy a marriage. My ex became more and more obsessed with watching videos of his fetish it and it ruined our sex life. There are a LOT of threads about this on this forum and lots of good advice from people who have been through it.
 

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With the high availability of porn, it has become an issue for many men. I think it can especially be an issue for those guys who start using it very early and do so for a long time. Your bf certainly qualifies for this.

My take on porn is that there is nothing wrong with it if it's use does not interfer with our sex life. i'm pretty high drive, as long as I'm getting as much quality sex as I want, why would I deny him porn if his drive is higher.

Now the type of porn is an issue. I would not be with a guy who is interested in rape, snuf, child, machine or animal porn. I'm sure there are other devient types of porn that would bother me but that's want comes to mind right now.

If you want to see what kind of porn he likes, ask him to let you check his computer. Check the cookie stash and for image files. You could also ask him to share with you and both of you watch some of the porn he likes.

There is a lot of material on the internet for how to deal with this sort of thing.



Here is a link for you and him to watch. Perhaps you should watch it first to get an idea of what it covers.

Your Brain On Porn | Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn.
 
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