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Discussion Starter · #61 ·
Would you want to retire, and hire a maid?

That is an option.
Well yes to me this is more of early retirement.

And hiring a maid isn't really an option.
I'm home. I'll do more of the household chores but I don't think either of us likes the idea of a stranger coming in the house.

We just aren't the type to have that spotless house. I'm not the type to fuss over pillows or the spotless floor.

I would take over many of 'his' chores and try to make his life easier but it would be retirement for me plus the trading. The trading can easily take 4-6 hours a day to do the research and be available to catch the waves. I also have a few hobbies like raising seahorses that are labor intensive. So it isn't like I'd have 8 hours a day to 'clean' the house.
 

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Discussion Starter · #62 ·
Any change in who is home the longest often turns into a resentment or an irritation. If you're going to do it, be sure you are gone doing active interests part of the time if he is anyone who needs space. A stay at home person can very easily be a boring person if they don't have plenty of things they are interested in.

You might consider both of you working for a time when you can both only work a part-time job. Now, of course, those don't pay anything, but sometimes you can work doing something fun because of that. I've nearly always had one and I like the feeling that the job is disposable. If someone says a cross word to me, I would have no qualms about walking right out the door, unlike a big job that was my main source of income.

You might consider what you both like to do and whether you're going to travel, etc., and see if there's any small business you might start from home, such as pet sitting or real estate. Since it sounds like you have money, maybe you consider living near the water and running a towing business or buying out a lakeside gas station, hire someone to mostly run it, and semi-retire that way. Sounds like you make a lot of money in stocks, so kudos. Of course, buying real estate is also a good investment, although having renters might be more of a pain than you'd like. The richest person I knew went into commercial real estate when she sold her big company. Or maybe you just buy some farmland and lease it out for grazing.

It's not hard to think of ways to make money when you already have it. Just something to consider to keep you both working a little but not a lot.
Well yes we have some money that has been saved over our marriage. I don't want another job. If I quit it would be to retire. I have many hobbies and things to do without making work that would make less money but still be work.

I worry about possible resentment. I don't think he'd have any. I would prefer we both be home but that probably won't be possible for at least 4 more years at the earliest and more realistic 8 years. Part of our plan is his retirement pay which maxes out in 8 years. That doesn't really change if I work or not.

The stocks make more money when I can actively trade them but that can take 4-6 hours a day. So it's like a job.

I find when I'm home and have time to meal plan, prepare and pack his lunch then we both live healthier lifestyles. We do ok when I work but often times we will end up snacking while making dinner or preparing something because it's easier. We both could stand to lose some weight and exercise more. When I'm home that seems to happen because other things are taken care of during the day and I have more time to have dinner ready when he gets home.

So the benefit is healthier us. If I continued working we would have more in retirement but not sure how much more as I also save money when not working and make some on stocks. He MIGHT be able to quit a year or 2 earlier if I stayed working but I'm fairly sure he wouldn't. I've talked with him and mostly he sees himself working til he hits that max which would make him 59.5 years old the magic number for 401k's as well. On some rare occasions when he is frustrated at work he'll show interest in earlier. But I think whoever said it is hard wired in has him. He is hard wired to work until retirement which in his mind was 65 and I've talked him down to 60 maybe. I've been trying to talk him down to 58 or lower if possible.

Part of me wants him with me though so I think if I keep working then... maybe I can get him out at 57. The big factor is his retirement pay plus the investments. We are close enough to retirement now that the investment increases come more from the principal than from additions.

So the other part of me thinks it would be better to quit and focus on both of our health status so that when he does retire we are in the best shape we can be.
 

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Well yes we have some money that has been saved over our marriage. I don't want another job. If I quit it would be to retire. I have many hobbies and things to do without making work that would make less money but still be work.

I worry about possible resentment. I don't think he'd have any. I would prefer we both be home but that probably won't be possible for at least 4 more years at the earliest and more realistic 8 years. Part of our plan is his retirement pay which maxes out in 8 years. That doesn't really change if I work or not.

The stocks make more money when I can actively trade them but that can take 4-6 hours a day. So it's like a job.

I find when I'm home and have time to meal plan, prepare and pack his lunch then we both live healthier lifestyles. We do ok when I work but often times we will end up snacking while making dinner or preparing something because it's easier. We both could stand to lose some weight and exercise more. When I'm home that seems to happen because other things are taken care of during the day and I have more time to have dinner ready when he gets home.

So the benefit is healthier us. If I continued working we would have more in retirement but not sure how much more as I also save money when not working and make some on stocks. He MIGHT be able to quit a year or 2 earlier if I stayed working but I'm fairly sure he wouldn't. I've talked with him and mostly he sees himself working til he hits that max which would make him 59.5 years old the magic number for 401k's as well. On some rare occasions when he is frustrated at work he'll show interest in earlier. But I think whoever said it is hard wired in has him. He is hard wired to work until retirement which in his mind was 65 and I've talked him down to 60 maybe. I've been trying to talk him down to 58 or lower if possible.

Part of me wants him with me though so I think if I keep working then... maybe I can get him out at 57. The big factor is his retirement pay plus the investments. We are close enough to retirement now that the investment increases come more from the principal than from additions.

So the other part of me thinks it would be better to quit and focus on both of our health status so that when he does retire we are in the best shape we can be.
I mean, I figure he'd enjoy the extra perks of having you home unless a financial situation was looming. But then I guess if that happened, you could consider going back into the workforce. As you said, you are making money on stocks, so you will be bringing in some income -- but of course, the bottom could fall out. Still, that is some work. I haven't tried it since the 90s and if you are going to make any quick money, you do have to watch everything closely. I haven't tried it in years because I feel I'm not in touch enough with trends anymore. I will say I only invested a little myself in the 90s and made a very good turnaround on it, but then I invested with a broker and got caught in the big stock fall -- but I still came out even, so I'll say that much for them.
 

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I'm kind of getting the impression you don't really want to be a sahw. That you believe it will create obstacles to you doing the activities you want to do.
 

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Discussion Starter · #65 ·
I'm kind of getting the impression you don't really want to be a sahw. That you believe it will create obstacles to you doing the activities you want to do.
I kind of want to be a SAHW. I am very nervous about upsetting any balance we currently have. And since I"m incharge of the finances, what if I'm wrong?

I also worry that resentment might build if I'm not good at it. I've asked for expectations but he just says he wants me to be happy. It was his idea to begin with kind of. I was working late and frustrated and said something about quitting and he said so do it. Stay home I don't care. We have talked since then he still holds his position. I just know that I'm not Martha Stewart, I have lots of hobbies that keep me busy and I'll never excel at house work. Will I do more than now. Sure but will it feel like enough for him? Why do some men seem ok with stay at home wife? Do the husbands who are happy with that all have Martha Stewarts?

In my heart I think I know that as long as I'm happy he'll be happy, but we have everything so good now. I don't know that I want to change it. Also I do like my job. I am frustrated with the extra work and other things. I have become disenfranchised from the selflessness I usually have with my job. I am getting to the point where I am just over working. Retirement.
 

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@Anastasia6 ,

@Emerging Buddhist and I are also both at that stage of life where a) we are kind of tired of working but it's hard-wired in us, and b) flirting with the idea of retiring is EXTRA tempting! I mean, what bliss it would be to have full days, weeks, and months together!

For us, here's real life: we've hit that 59.5yo magic age. His pension hits the 30-year mark in 99 weeks (we're counting down! LOL) and hits the peak I think a couple years after that. We have plenty of investments and both make a good salary--his is 70% / mine is 30% of household income. That being said, he works full-time out of the house and with the same industry for all 30+ years. I work 4 days/week remotely from home and have for the past 12 years or so. He is SUPER handy with the domestic chores, but since I'm home, I do a lot of the day-to-day like laundry, dishes, or sweeping. He feels most comfortable in a tidy home, and we keep it that way, together. And on my "day off" during the week, I do grocery shopping, help the kids, help the parents, run errands, change oil, etc. It's a nice mix.

I would suggest that whilst you have plenty of hobbies and activities, what might be a good option for you would be to quit your current job and instead do something part-time or on a volunteer basis about which you're passionate. For example, let them know at work that you are quitting, give them a month or whatever to train your replacement, and then offer to be a retire/rehire part-time or a "consultant" that they could call on up to 10 hours per week. OR if you've always been passionate about XYZ, volunteer at a charity that addresses XYZ. That way you have a meaningful life focus, but you aren't so stressed out by "work" nor feel like you have to do it all the time.

My final thought, as a female human being, I was a SAHM for a while when my kids were younger. When I was SAH, I always did things to supplement our income such as take in one or two kids as day care (I watched restaurant workers' kids at normal day rates and we both got a deal)...or doing medical transcription. When my kids got older, I ran the financial and HR portion of our business (bookkeeping, payroll, taxes, training, benefits, handbooks, etc.), working around the kids' school and extra-curricular activities. My exH did not see the value in my participation and thought "his money was his"...and thus after that I always vowed to at least earn enough to pay for MY SHARE of any bills or expenses. In other words--I don't live beyond my own means, and I pay for my own self. Now, my Beloved Buddhist is WAY MORE THAN GENEROUS, and we do literally share everything, and yet my little rule for my own self is to at least earn my own way. It's not a "put-down" of being SAH, but for me, it's just a personal value, I guess, to never ask someone to carry me.

I sense that's something you are also feeling--like it would be asking your dear hubby to "carry you" if you were to just quit working. I get that. The thing is, just recognize maybe that really is a value of yours, and then make choices that align with your value. I personally LOVE being at home, working remotely from home, working 32 hours/week, but still knowing that I earn about what I spend. It's not grand and glorious--I don't pursue it like some pursue career climbing, but I am okay within myself. I think that's where you want to head: find a path that is okay within yourself. Maybe cut back one day. Maybe go part-time. Maybe consult. Maybe pursue your passion. But find that path that is the mix of balancing work and home where you align with your inner self and inner values. Then you'll feel good about your choice.
 

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I’d be delighted if we could afford for my wife to quit her job, and that enabled her to live a happier less-stressful lifeI’d be happy scaling back our lifestyle to make that happen, if indeed it would work for her.

If we could get by on one income, I’d prefer it to be from me. I don’t mind working so much, and can enjoy it.

I know a couple of people who managed to leave their jobs earlier than most, and they seem quite happy spending their time pursuing what they like doing the most.
 

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You can do it.

My mom mostly exited the labor force when she was younger than my wife and I are now. She sometimes worked as a substitute teacher teaching math in high school just for laughs. If she got a call and didn’t feel like it she said no. She just did it if she felt like it.

You can maybe find a similar part time thing, maybe day trading. I know some folks who did it for a while but eventually they got bored of it. If it’s just a hobby for you and it’s fun and not required then why not?
 

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I'm mostly a SAHM. We moved when I was pregnant with my first baby, 13 years ago, and I haven't been employed full time since then.

I struggle with housekeeping because I hate it! But I do what I have to do to have a clean house.

I think staying at home full time is not for everyone. I struggled to stay home but I knew it was the best decision for our family. I like to work part time and being available for my kids when they need something.

I think you are stressing out too much about it. Try it and see if it works. If doesn't, go back to work full time. No big deal.

I want to go back to college. My plan it to go back when my kids finish high school. We'll see because I'll be paying for 3 people in college!
 

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Discussion Starter · #73 ·
Making your current salary from day trading is probably not going to work. Read "A Random Walk Down Wall Street" before you go down that road.
Yes Thanks for the concern. But I've been doing trading for years. I've always had good returns with the one exception of being over exposed in a biomedical company.

The point is I make more money day trading than investing long term. It isn't even that hard, it just takes time.
The second point being. I day trade with a small portion of our retirement. I could lose it all and we could retire. If I continue making returns even close to what I have been making we could retire several years early. If I lost it all we might have to work to 62.
 

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It sounds like you're trying to work at cross purposes. Do you want to earn money and retire early? Or do you want to SAHM until your husband can retire? I think you'd be best served picking one.
 

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Discussion Starter · #75 ·
It sounds like you're trying to work at cross purposes. Do you want to earn money and retire early? Or do you want to SAHM until your husband can retire? I think you'd be best served picking one.
Well the whole point....
I'd love him to retire with me but he most likely won't do that until he hits 30 years in.
So I can keep working and hope to convince him early which probably won't happen

Or I can be a stay at home wife, no mom about it and work to make our lifes better in ways that money doesn't.
While I can make some money trading it isn't one that will be available for household income.

Either way we can afford it. I am trying to decide if there are men that view it as worth while. Not to raise kids. I was curious what things make it worth while to a man from a man's perspective. Eveyone seems to be very concerned about the money. I guess that's an answer in itself... That money is important to most.
 

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I am trying to decide if there are men that view it as worth while. Not to raise kids. I was curious what things make it worth while to a man from a man's perspective. Eveyone seems to be very concerned about the money.
One data point here is I could care less about the money. I earn about 4x what my wife makes in an average year and not gonna lie she works harder than I do.

So if she quit and did whatever she wants I would love it, as long as she is home to eat dinner and comes to bed and has sex. Whatever else she does is fine. If she spends every cent I make I don’t care.
 

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Anastasia

If you guys can afford going without your income (whether the day trading works or not) go for it! I hate working so will stop the moment I can!

My wife doesn't work and I wish she did as it would allow me (us) to FIRE (Financial Independent Retire Early) sooner than I have planned. I am shooting to do that by the time I am 57 (won't ever have any official retirement but enough investments and money saved to do so) but could do it a few years earlier if she was working.
 

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I have been considering quitting my job and my husband says he's fine with it if I do. He understands that if I quit I will not be seeking employment elsewhere. He even has indicated that he thinks if might be for the best.

Thing is...
I'm not a stay at home mom. My child is grown. I'm capable of work.
I simply have a highly stressful job that takes up more time than I'd like to do a good job.
Last summer I was out of work for a short period and I made dinner, did more housework and tried to spoil him. We both got a little healthier which we both could use.

I do the finances and know that we could make it without my salary. I am also in charge of retirement and fairly sure we are going to overshoot the 'needed' mark. I was working because I like my job and want to contribute.
However, I could really use to be more healthy at this moment in time and I find that doesn't happen with the current situation. I am also working because I'd love to get him out of the work force in about 5 years at 56 but I don't think he will leave no matter what until at least 60 and more likely 62 because that is what makes sense to him. He'll have 30 years in at 60 which will yield the maximum retirement. And of course at 62 you can start social security. So whether I quit or not he'll be there til 60.

To throw another kink in them mix. When I'm not working I have a small account I actively trade stock on. I can make almost my salary with this account. It is of course a retirement account so that money would not be available for 'normal' use. I do trade while working but not being active hurts my returns but I still am double the market or more.

8 years ago I don't think I would have thought about this much. I love him, he loves me and we'd just do whatever. Then I joined TAM.

Because I'm a Type A personality I try to make sure not to coerce him into anything. So being on TAM. I have to wonder.

Why would he be ok with me staying home? So many here make it sound like such a burden to have a stay at home wife.

Are there those that don't mind it?

I've asked him what his expectations would be and he says he doesn't care just wants me to be happy. He also feels I'll be happier and healthier.

What if we did split? I don't have the same retirement he does because when I had a high paying job that kept me from my family and made me miserable he said quit and I did. I've enjoyed my second career and it allowed me to have more time with my child and my husband.

Right now we split the household chores. Would it be worth it to you (men) if
You didn't have many chores left?
You got more sex?
You were able to have more gormet meals that helped you be healthier that you didn't have to make?
Your spouse was happier?

What else would be on the list?
I'm not even going to talk about money. I'm good at making it but nothing else.

I personally don't have any issues with a stay at home wife.

Mrs. C and I worked together raising our family and she occasionally worked when it didn't negatively impact our family.

After our kids got all big and smelly, we have travelled and worked together, on and off, for over 7 years.

She is done now and I have no problem with her keeping house while I get into semi retirement.

If your husband has no problem with it, you certainly shouldn't worry about it.
 

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One data point here is I could care less about the money. I earn about 4x what my wife makes in an average year and not gonna lie she works harder than I do.

So if she quit and did whatever she wants I would love it, as long as she is home to eat dinner and comes to bed and has sex. Whatever else she does is fine. If she spends every cent I make I don’t care.
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
 

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I say go for it @Anastasia6 there is becoming a major shortage for teachers if you retire and find you miss it you will have no problem going back. I have been retired for 6 years and I am going back in two weeks and due to the shortage I am getting to draw a full teachers salary and still draw my retirement as well. Best of luck!
 
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