[RandomDude]

There has been a lot of women recently posting threads/posts admitting that they are HD while their husbands are LD...

In combination with counselling and what I've learnt so far with my wife, I wonder if my wife truly is "fked in the head", or if it is simply "normal" but I'm not handling it the right way. Tell me, what inspires you to have it multiple times a day?

Do you feel rejected and unloved when he turns you down - what if it's a valid reason - do you see it as an excuse? Etc etc... tell me everything, please..

 

[MrsOldNews]

There has been a lot of women recently posting threads/posts admitting that they are HD while their husbands are LD...

In combination with counselling and what I've learnt so far with my wife, I wonder if my wife truly is "fked in the head", or if it is simply "normal" but I'm not handling it the right way. Tell me, what inspires you to have it multiple times a day?

Do you feel rejected and unloved when he turns you down - what if it's a valid reason - do you see it as an excuse? Etc etc... tell me everything, please..

I want sex 1-3 times because I need to get off that often to feel sexually satisfied. I've never had a man who was into turning down frequent sex so I've never felt the pain of rejection in that sense. But I could definitely see myself not being satisfied with a man who couldn't keep up. I don't equate sex to love, but I sure love sex A lot!

 

[RandomDude]

...

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

Truth hurts you know? Darn my life lol

 

[FirstYearDown]

I feel rejected and unloved if I am being rejected often for what I deem to be a stupid reason, like being "tired" or "stressed". Sex makes stress better!

If my husband is ill, I understand completely why we cannot have sex at that time.

Our drives are both on the higher side but mine is higher than my husband's. I want sex daily while he is a 4 times a week kind of man. When we have getaways, we make love twice a day because there is no work or school to add stress.

I don't want to say that your wife is "fcked in the head" but I will say that she has obvious sexual issues. More than one member has mentioned the strong possibility of sexual addiction. Do you agree? You know your wife better than any of us.

 

[RandomDude]

She does have an addiction, but she has a certain strength that I would be a fool ( and have been ) to underestimate. She may appear docile but surprises me from time to time - such as the recent changes.

For a time she reminded me of my first gf, strong and unshakable. But my wife, she's very different, her strength is more non-visible, yet more impressive; considering what I've put her through and she held her ground.

Makes me wonder if this issue is really all about her or if I have a part in it as well. I want to cover all the angles, to make sure I'm doing the right thing by my wife.

 

[SimplyAmorous]

When I wanted it 3 times a day..... it was ALL HORMONAL , something going on in my body...affected my mind terribly, that is all I could think about, and I needed zero foreplay, ready to go even an hour after I just had it ....orgasms all felt like sweet heaven...we just basically joked about my addiction, I'd tell him I needed my FIX.... whatever, we rolled with it as best we could.

It DID bother me he couldn't keep up with me -but I knew how unreasonable that was, especially at his age, so I didn't take it too personal.....then there's Viagra.

When this calmed, so did my mind and I once again needed foreplay. I no longer get antsy if we skip a night...back then that was a real downer for me....I'd lay awake half the night waiting to jump him in the am. What a crazy time.

I can't imagine feeling like that for years on end.

 

[RandomDude]

Hmmm... chances are that even with MC, it's helping her understand the big picture, but it seems that she'll never be satisfied unless I put out 3x a day anyway, even if MC makes her "nicer" and less demanding

Hurts when I want to satisfy her but I know I can never do... *sighs*
As if my wife will ever understand this either...

 

[mrsball]

H and I have a whole lot of sex related issues, so I don't know if my answer will help, but yes, I have a much higher drive than he does. It really irritates me when he uses the 'stressed' but ESPECIALLY the 'tired' excuse... how hard is it to come to bed an hour (15 mins?) earlier??

Sometimes it is just an excuse as I know he has satisfied himself earlier in the day and has nothing left for me. Other times I think it is because he knows I want him so bad, and it is a power thing, he knows it hurts me when he doesn't make time for us. And then I also think it's because he only wants it the one way, and he's probably bored of that yet unwilling to try anything else...

As for you and yours, I think the fact that you both seem so open and honest about it is THE most important thing, and as long as you have that you should be able to work your way through the rest of it

 

[diwali123]

Three times a day? Really? You are kidding me.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[RandomDude]

Yup, she needs her breakfast, lunch, and dinner. From time to time she also wants supper or a midnight snack, and start over all over again the next day.

I don't know how we can work it out, like sure we are working it out now and she's showing changes - never thought I'll see the day. But looks like that sex drive may be here to stay regardless of her attitudes towards sex. I can still get lucky and hope that her sex drive will die down and she will learn to appreciate more intimacy rather then sex all the time, but that is a just a wish - a selfish one at that.

I'd rather spend quality time with her instead of just sex. Even with our recent compromise (2 hrs commitment per day for her), she STILL wants sex within those 2 hrs; 30 minutes breakfast, 30 minutes lunch, and 1 hr dinner. So it's a good thing we're doing MC because once again our compromise does NOT work!

She wasn't like this before marriage, this is her "true color" apparently. I just want her to be happy but I just can't do it!

 

[I'mAllIn]

I'm higher drive than H (more so since turning 40), but am lucky that he does his best to keep up. I'd prefer daily during the week, and at least twice a day on the weekend. It seems like there are at least a couple of the days of the week though when he begs off. I try my best not to, but I do feel rejected and hurt when he turns me down because he's tired. It makes me feel like I've turned into this crazy nympho with all these wild desires at a time when I should be slowing down, and I know that's not what he thinks, it's just my own insecurities playing with my mind.

Good luck to you and your wife.

 

[Anonymous07]

There has been a lot of women recently posting threads/posts admitting that they are HD while their husbands are LD...

In combination with counselling and what I've learnt so far with my wife, I wonder if my wife truly is "fked in the head", or if it is simply "normal" but I'm not handling it the right way. Tell me, what inspires you to have it multiple times a day?

Do you feel rejected and unloved when he turns you down - what if it's a valid reason - do you see it as an excuse? Etc etc... tell me everything, please..

I wish I had advice, but my husband and I are struggling with it in our own marriage. I am higher drive than my husband and he always has the excuse of being too tired or stressed. I know he avoids me and will say he is working on something for a class he is taking or something for work that he had to bring home, but I'll catch him on facebook or watching youtube and so on. I do feel rejected and unloved when he turns me down, but he just tells me I am being unreasonable. I'd love to have sex once a day during the week and maybe twice or more during the weekend, but I'm lucky to get it every other night. If he is sick, I'd understand not having sex, but I get really tired of his excuses. We're working on it, but it's slow going.

 

[Mavash.]

Back in the day when I wanted it 1-3 times a day it was a sex addiction. It was the only way I knew how to connect with my husband. The only way I knew how to FEEL intimacy. It took a lot of counseling to fix it.

The irony is now I have sex about every other day and I'm happier now. Go figure. My husband's drive is actually higher than mine now. LOL

 

[OhGeesh]

It's not common the pool here on this forum will see many high highs and low lows just by the nature of what this forum is.

Go talk to friends at work and then see. The norm is guys being higher drive then woman for whatever reasons even if not biological.

For the people that are responding 1-3 times a day that is definitely not normal in the slightest borderline counseling imo. Do you not have jobs? Kids? That's not even attainable in most marriages.

I'm personally happy with 1 time a week at this stage 20 years..... even then the older I get the less I'm interested in sex and the more I'm interested in just being with my wife. Doing things, dates, activities, etc.

 

[juicecondensation]

It's not common the pool here on this forum will see many high highs and low lows just by the nature of what this forum is.

Go talk to friends at work and then see. The norm is guys being higher drive then woman for whatever reasons even if not biological.

For the people that are responding 1-3 times a day that is definitely not normal in the slightest borderline counseling imo. Do you not have jobs? Kids? That's not even attainable in most marriages.

I'm personally happy with 1 time a week at this stage 20 years..... even then the older I get the less I'm interested in sex and the more I'm interested in just being with my wife. Doing things, dates, activities, etc.

This. Don't let this forum fool you. In the majority of all marriages the man has a significantly higher sex drive than the woman.

 

[controlledchaos]

Do you not have jobs? Kids? That's not even attainable in most marriages.

I was wondering the same thing. How do you manage to find time for that in one day? Do you both work from home?

In the majority of all marriages the man has a significantly higher sex drive than the woman.

My case too.

We're the opposite of what OP is saying - I could do it 3 times a day but she's happy with once/twice a week.

You're possibly in a situation where you don't have other 'normal' day-to-day stimulations (with respect), such as work, kids, hobbies etc. I know that personally when I'm really busy, I don't have time to sit around thinking about sex. Maybe it's the same for her?

 

[RandomDude]

Back in the day when I wanted it 1-3 times a day it was a sex addiction. It was the only way I knew how to connect with my husband. The only way I knew how to FEEL intimacy. It took a lot of counseling to fix it.

The irony is now I have sex about every other day and I'm happier now. Go figure. My husband's drive is actually higher than mine now. LOL

Hang on a minute now, you've been there, done that, and fixed it?! =/ So there IS hope?

@Controlledchaos

It's simple really, it just takes us 30 minutes to an hour longer each time to finish our morning, lunch and sleep routine. Lunch sessions are in my office and when we really can't meet up she wants "sex" on the phone. It's boring, frustrating, and selfish routine.

Right now my wife seems to be showing changes, giving me more space, and generally just being nicer and less expectation of sex when I really just want to spend time with her without knowing I have to put out again when I don't want to. How long this will last however...

 

[MrsOldNews]

I enjoy 1-3 times a day again for the love of sex. It's not mainly a way for my emotional needs to get fulfilled, it's a way to get off. I've had this urge since puberty hit, I'm almost 30 and its still going strong. When me and my stbxh were still together. He didn't have an issue keeping up. A matter of fact I haven't had ANY complaints about my drive EVER.

Before you all analyze me, I don't equate sex to love, I had a great upbringing with parents who had no issues showing affection in front of me (mom and dad are married over 33 years now). I don't need sex three times a day to survive, 1 time a day minimum is okay as long as my SO doesn't mind me masturbating. I have a toddler and 6 decent sized warm blooded animals in my home who all require attention and love. I'm also borderline OCD when it comes to keeping my home. Point being, when you really love doing something, you find a way.

I don't think I'm a sex addict, or have some crazy past that makes me the way I am. I truly love sex for many reasons and none of them are unhealthy reasons IMO.

There are more women out there like me than you'd think. It's really not as uncommon as some of you make it out to be.

To the OP: I do think your wife equates sex to love though, I do think she has deep emotional issues that effect her sexual desires. I'm saying this to let you know that although there are a lot of very high drive women that exist, your wife obviously has issues that make her this way.

 

[RandomDude]

Well, she's very good at hiding it and trying to make it look like she's "sane", tell me... how can I convince her that it's different - and that MC IS needed?

She's still not happy about the whole thing but she doesn't have a choice hehe

 

[controlledchaos]

It's simple really, it just takes us 30 minutes to an hour longer each time to finish our morning, lunch and sleep routine. Lunch sessions are in my office and when we really can't meet up she wants "sex" on the phone. It's boring, frustrating, and selfish routine.

Do you work from home? Or she visits your office and you close the door while people are outside?

There are more women out there like me than you'd think. It's really not as uncommon as some of you make it out to be.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all. I think it just makes me realise that I miss-matched when getting married, in that department at least.

RandomDude, I can understand how it must become a bit much though. You don't want sex to be a chore, which it sounds like it is for you.

A serious question for both RandomDude and MrsOldNews, when going at it 3 times a day, how do you manage to keep things spontaneous and full of variety? Even with such a sex drive, surely one becomes spoilt and there's a risk of losing interest?