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Hi- I'm new to this forum, and there is something really weighing on me right now. I'm almost 50 years old, and have been dating a wonderful lady that is almost 40. My two daughters are 17 and 20- the 20yo is out of the house, and the 17yo will be off to college next year (currently lives with me). My GF has a 5 and 12yo. The 12yo has mental problems and has had a couple of suicide attempts, and he just moved to live with his dad. That leaves the 5yo with her... all the time... his dad isn't in the picture at all. This change of events has made me realize that I would really be starting over if this relationship continues, and would be almost 65 before her youngest was on his own. We also have different parenting styles- she spanks almost at the drop of a hat, I rarely, and I mean pretty much never, spanked my kids, and am not comfortable with it. I am seriously thinking of ending the relationship because I'm not sure I want to jump back into the parenting mode of such a young child.
Has anyone else ever been in this situation, or have an opinion. This is my first major relationship since my divorce, and I didn't really think of this child situation when it started.

I would appreciate any advice or personal experience in this area. I like her, but am not sure I'm up to starting the parenting thing over...
 

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If your not ready to be a dad again in that sense, then you need to break it off. Its not fair to you, her, or the kids to keep it going.
 

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Here's my take: I have two sons, ages 6 & 9. I am in a relationship for my benefit, so that I can be in love and loved, share companionship, laughs, intimacy, grow old with him. At the same time, given that I have young children and their father has chosen not to be a part of their lives, while I don't want someone just so they can be a father to my children, it is part of the all over deal. I wouldn't be with him if he couldn't love and help me raise my children as if they were his own. And at the same time, I would not want him to feel obligated to do so. I would want him to be honest with me if that was not what he was looking for.

So, if that is not what you want, if you don't want to raise another child, then you need to be honest with her about that. She may feel differently and not want you to take on that type of role with her child(ren). And then again, she might. And it would be better for all involved for that to be known now than some time down the road, when everyone has gotten very involved and attached and the heartbreak is bigger all around.
 

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I raised two stepchildren and am happy they are doing well. It was one of the most meaningful and fulfilling things in my life. However, if you do not want to do it, then call it a day on this relationship. I would not worry about the age if you love them, want to raise them, and believe you would do a good job.
 

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Wait, your chick has 2 kids with 2 different dads and almost 40 and her oldest has issues?

Run forest run

Find someone with grown kids and has the same mind set and goals you have.
 
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