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My relationship has been pretty rough from the start. After the first year of living together I noticed my husband would leave the bedroom after we would lay down to go to sleep. I didn’t think much of it until I woke up during the night and noticed he still wasn’t in bed... I decided to go to the living room to see what he was doing and caught him watching porn. When I confronted him about it he got really defensive and said it’s none of my business what he does on his alone time. I then started noticing he would take his phone in the shower with him. One night he was in there for a long time and when he came out I wanted to have sex and he said he didn’t want to so I asked if he had watched porn in the shower and he screamed at me and said yes! Then another night we had been intimate and then went to bed , I woke up like 2 hours later about 2 in the morning and he wasn’t in the bed.... so I went to the living room and caught him watching porn again and I told him i couldn’t believe him because we just had sex and I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him. I have also snooped on his phone and noticed he’s been watching porn constantly! Then I saw a web cam site he was looking at too! I never told him because he’s know I snooped. To me this goes way beyond watching porn! These are actual live girls! Just recently I was doing the laundry and noticed semen stains on the “outside” of his boxers! All that goes through my mind is he had sexual with someone ! How else could stains be on the outside! I haven’t confronted him about it and don’t know how. I’m beginning to think that he cheated on me even though we have sex almost every night he still watches porn and now I find this! Please someone tell me what all this means!!
 

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How long have you been married?

I don't know that he is cheating. He is absolutely a porn addict and has to get his fix regardless of whether he has sex with you or not.

I would honestly suggest cutting it off if you wouldn't be put in a bind.

He isn't healthy and getting a porn addict to reform is like fighting an uphill battle for years.
 

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We’ve been together for 3 years now and every time I bring up the topic of his porn obsession he gets angry and sees nothing wrong with it. I feel like the live web cam watching now is leading to other things, like he’s curious about being with other women. I’m just not understanding how his boxers would have stains on the outside??? It wasn’t just a spot it was quit a bit . I talked to my friend about it and she thinks he had a sexual envy with someone and didn’t take his clothes off but kep then in just pulling his make part through the front. This keeps going through my mind because it makes sense and I’m so scared to talk about it with him
 

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This is something that I just wouldn't put up with. Porn use will often lead to more extreme porn or other things. You may need to give him an ultimatum, you or them, and mean it. Whether he is doing anything sexual with another in person or not, this won't stop unless you do something. As for the webcam being actual live girls, yes it is, but porn is also real girls. Both just as bad as each other.
To be honest you knew what he was like yet you married him anyway, but you may need to risk losing him.
 

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I'm a man and yes .... I watch porn.....and so do all my buddies.

With that being said I don't know anyone that is that hard set into it like your husband and surely that cam girl stuff is WAY off the deep end !

As far as the boxer shorts goes .... it's probably the nearest thing he grabbed while jerking off to porn.

People with porn issues are usually very defensive about it .... especially if it is something they hide from their spouse.

I'm with @Diana7 on this one ..... "To be honest you knew what he was like yet you married him anyway, but you may need to risk losing him."

Some of those cam girls are probably caught up in sex slavery ........ it's horrible to even think about.

EDIT: I want to add that if for you porn is a no go in relationships ....... then you have every right in the world to defend that position. Setting your own boundaries is a good thing.
 

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So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said it’s none of my business and I’m a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕
 

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Yes it's shame at work, here and now he's on the attack .
 
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So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said it’s none of my business and I’m a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕

OMG ....... that’s terrible!!!!!!!
I agree you need counsel....the legal kind.

Ok now with that out the way......it might be his defense mechanism kicking in to back you down because likely that kind of talk worked in the past. Either way it is a horrible way to treat your spouse. How far do you think you can push him ? Who will back down first?
 

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" But none of your business ", is fear talking. But deny he may and but it still will not solved this issues. As it may be does this shake your world so much that it is affecting your physic or would you let him indulge once in awhile? I can imagine if my wife needed to look at other men. It would be my straw the broke the camel's back. But that's me and l have enough determination to leave. Do you?
 

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He’s a jerk. Your brining up your concerns and he is turning it around on you and getting mad at you. This is such manipulation. Your his wife, of course you have the right to know what he is doing in his free time.
If he isn’t willing to work with you then you should leave him.
 

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You never mentioned anything about kids unless I missed it.

There is at least one ex porn addict here....if he wants to talk about it... or his wife.
 

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So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said it’s none of my business and I’m a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕
Well, he sounds like a real sweetheart. I agree with @Tilted 1 and @Mr.Married here: he’s shaming you for calling him out (which is really low), and you do need counsel of the legal kind. He needs counsel of the therapy kind, and has a real addiction to porn. I personally haven’t dealt with something like that, but have heard that it’s really hard to fix within a relationship.

In a relationship, both people need to communicate and feel comfortable bringing up issues that may arise. When one person does that, and the other person throws it in the face of the spouse who brought it up, that’s just plain mean. It also sounds like he’s being manipulative and controlling, which are always fun to deal with as well. I dealt with a spouse at one point who also told me that I needed counselling (but because I like a clean house). That’s manipulation at it’s finest, and no one needs to put up with **** like that.
 

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So upon discussing the porn issue with my husband this morning, he denied looking at any web cam even though I saw it in his phone. He said it’s none of my business and I’m a horrible person and a [email protected]@&ing low life. He said I need counseling and that he hates me 😕
Is there any childhood trauma in your past?
 

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Is there any childhood trauma in your past?
What in the world does that have to do with her husband having a porn addiction??

OP you are in for a nasty, uphill battle to try and get him out of this addiction. There are many women who have posted in this forum with the same issue and it normally doesnt end well. Your situation is a bit different due to the fact that your H is still intimate with you, usually what we see here is that the heavy porn use renders the H unable to perfom with the W any more. He attacked you the way he did because he knows that you are right about his problem, likely he may feel some shame over it. Dont let him gaslight you into thinking that YOU are the one with an issue. Were this me, I would draw a hard line about this... get professional help because either the porn goes or I do. He has a serious, serious problem and sadly it isnt one that you can fix for him.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I am beside myself with this and don’t know how to handle this. I feel broken and hurt. How does someone say they love you and you’re good enough but do all that and then say they hate you? I’m so confused and lost
 

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You can't have a marriage without both people being engaged. I think if we are honest most men look at porn from time to time, and women do too. But this man is obsessing, and then when you try to talk to him about it he is "dismissive" to put it nicely. You are right to be worried, maybe this guy isn't the one.

On a different note you need to stop comparing yourself or your desirability to his watching porn. It's not the same thing, it would be like a guy comparing himself to a vibrator. That being said when the wife starts choosing the vibrator over the husband it's a big problem, but it says nothing about the husbands desirability.
 
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