Spouse Not Talking to Me for 2 Days - Common??

20359 Views 142 Replies 36 Participants Last post by ThinkTooMuch, Dec 5, 2012

nicholascanada

Discussion Starter · Oct 16, 2012 (Edited)

UPDATE: 3 days now!!

Hey just looking for some insight on whether my situation is "normal".

Two nights ago my wife needed the fan on for sleeping. She had a couple of bad nights sleeping due to being to hot.

She said please don't touch the fan overnight, she was setting it on low. Stupid me woke up at 4am and realized it was freezing in our room, and the fan was now on medium, so I turned back to low.

Woke up and when questioned admitted I had made a bonehead move by changing the fan, as she ended up having a bad sleep again.

She now has not talked to me for two days. I have never had this happen in a relationship, so just wondering if this is something "normal"? I realize I made a stupid move, but not talking for two days makes it hard to move from that spot.

Thanks for your time, I greatly appreciate it.

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EnjoliWoman

· #2 · Oct 16, 2012

I can't answer about whether or not it's "common" but I find the silent treatment childish. It's fair of her to complain that she asked you; it's fair of you to say you were cold and she had wanted to keep it on "low" so moving it from "med" to "low" didn't seem to infringe upon her request but from now on you'll leave it alone and grab a blanket if you're cold.

Problem solved. Or at least that's how I think respectful and caring ADULTS behave. Whether they do or not - that's another story.

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nicholascanada

Discussion Starter · #3 · Oct 16, 2012

EnjoliWoman said:
I can't answer about whether or not it's "common" but I find the silent treatment childish. It's fair of her to complain that she asked you; it's fair of you to say you were cold and she had wanted to keep it on "low" so moving it from "med" to "low" didn't seem to infringe upon her request but from now on you'll leave it alone and grab a blanket if you're cold.

Problem solved. Or at least that's how I think respectful and caring ADULTS behave. Whether they do or not - that's another story.

Yes ive done stupid things like this before. Def dont do it out of spite. Just not thinking. And usually the same silent treatment for a period of time. I just find it odd to not talk to your spouse for 2 days over this. Be mad, yell, whatever but not talking just seems odd.
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Cosmos

· #4 · Oct 16, 2012

The silent treatment is a form of passive aggressive behaviour and designed to punish the party who is on the receiving end of it. Does she do this often? If not, it sounds like she's hacked off at you over something other than just turning the fan down to low!

IMO, the only way to deal with this sort of thing is to avoid 'playing the game.' Stay in your 'adult' and ask her if she'd like to talk about what's troubling her. If she says No, tell her that if she changes her mind you'll be there, but don't reward her for her behaviour by trying to get around her etc. Try to act as normally as possible until the tantrum comes to an end (get out of the house if necessary), and when things return to normal you could try working out ways with her to communicate more effectively.

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anchorwatch

· #5 · Oct 16, 2012

Nick. Why is your wife hot at night, now that is fall? How old is she? Is it that time of life?

lostintranslation27

· #6 · Oct 16, 2012

It is deff odd not speaking for two days over something so dumb but it does happen when my husband is mad at me for whatever reason he will ignore me until he is ready to talk... But I have found that sometimes you have to be the one to talk first.. after all it has been two days she should be a more calmed down by now

diwali123

· #7 · Oct 16, 2012

Passive aggressive stone walling, it's a form of emotional abuse.
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EnjoliWoman

· #8 · Oct 16, 2012

anchorwatch said:
Nick. why is your wife hot at night, now that is fall? How old is she? Is it that time of life?

I was wondering about menopause as well. That could play a part in her moodiness.

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CharlieParker

· #9 · Oct 16, 2012

I wouldn't call it normal. How is the communication otherwise? How old is she, menopause?

Sbrown

· #10 · Oct 16, 2012

Learn to enjoy the silence. My ex would do this and I got to where I was really good at pissing her off just for the break. Ignore her abuse live your life like an adult. Why would her sleep quality out weigh yours? Freezing in a cold room is not a good way to get quality sleep.
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southern wife

· #11 · Oct 16, 2012

How old is she? Menopause? That would certainly make sense. If so, ride out the storm.

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nicholascanada

Discussion Starter · #12 · Oct 16, 2012 (Edited)

southern wife said:
How old is she? Menopause? That would certainly make sense. If so, ride out the storm.

Not menopause she is 43. She has been stressed lately and that has affected her sleep. Might not just be heat but that seemed part of the cause for her not sleeping.
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nicholascanada

Discussion Starter · #13 · Oct 16, 2012

CharlieParker said:
I wouldn't call it normal. How is the communication otherwise? How old is she, menopause?

Not bad but when things like this happen , when she gets frustrated over my lack of respect, it is complete shutdown.

Once i waited her out and it was a week!

I am very sensitive. So when she doesnt talk to me i get really upset. Not angry but stress wise. And after battling cancer for over a year, i know i need to limit my stress for many reasons.

I guess i need to just try to let it bounce off me and let her do her thing...
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string72

· #14 · Oct 16, 2012

Not normal. Talk it out, find out more about it. Something else might be bothering her. She may not even know that you are bothered about her behavior.

A Bit Much

· #15 · Oct 16, 2012

nicholascanada said:
Not menopause she is 43. She has been stressed lately and that has affected her sleep. Might not just be heat but that seemed part of the cause for her not sleeping.
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Perimenopause can begin in your late 30's. I'm still not in full blown but have been in this state now for 4 or 5 years and I'm 42.

No. It's not normal to not talk to your spouse for days. I think she's keeping a tab on your faults and it's making her very cranky and resentful everytime she percieves you are being inconsiderate.

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EnjoliWoman

· #16 · Oct 16, 2012

43 can still be menopause. Do you know when her mother went through it? I have a friend who went through it mid-30s; ran in her family. You're battling cancer and she's being the whiner about the room temp?

Well THAT puts a new spin on things.

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CharlieParker

· #17 · Oct 16, 2012

nicholascanada said:
she gets frustrated over my lack of respect

She see this a lack of respect? Are you on eggshells the whole day? How is not talking to you for days respectful? There's got to be more.

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A Bit Much

· #18 · Oct 16, 2012

after battling cancer for over a year, i know i need to limit my stress for many reasons.

Hold the phone...

You're battling cancer? OMG. She's lost me on this one. I'd probably go sleep in a different room. She sounds like a selfish a-hole.

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nicholascanada

Discussion Starter · #19 · Oct 16, 2012

A Bit Much said:
Perimenopause can begin in your late 30's. I'm still not in full blown but have been in this state now for 4 or 5 years and I'm 42.

No. It's not normal to not talk to your spouse for days. I think she's keeping a tab on your faults and it's making her very cranky and resentful everytime she percieves you are being inconsiderate.

Well totalky agree with this. I do forget to do stuff at times and yes, maybe she just keeps adding to the pile. Just weird as 5 days ago when she was very stressed about stuff, she asked me to take care of her. I said absolutely thats always what will do.

Now 3 days past that and she doesnt talk to me for 2 days.
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A Bit Much

· #20 · Oct 16, 2012

nicholascanada said:
Well totalky agree with this. I do forget to do stuff at times and yes, maybe she just keeps adding to the pile. Just weird as 5 days ago when she was very stressed about stuff, she asked me to take care of her. I said absolutely thats always what will do.

Now 3 days past that and she doesnt talk to me for 2 days.
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Well with chemo you're going to get chemo brain, and you're not going to remember things like you used to. I know a few people who've been through it and it's really tough. I think she's being unreasonable. I understand she has pressures and stress just with you being ill, but come ON!!! She's being very childish and very selfish.

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