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I want your opinion. Your unfiltered no holds barred opinion.

Can you actually love someone and still choose to do things that hurt them repeatedly? Or is it a clear cut sign that the love isn't real? Or is it possible but you are just too selfish to make better choices? Or is there a purposeful disconnect you do to make both acceptable until found out?

Basically, if you know an action will deeply hurt your partner, could you still choose to do it even though you love them?
 

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In general a very clear no.

The exception is addition where someone is unable to control their own actions. In that case the response remains the same since you can't fix an addict. Don't stay with someone who hurts you.
 

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Yes. You can love someone, but your own flaws (of whatever kind) can result in hurtful behavior. It's then on the injured party to find a solution or leave, if their partner cannot change; staying condones the behavior.
 

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Yes. You can love someone, but your own flaws (of whatever kind) can result in hurtful behavior. It's then on the injured party to find a solution or leave, if their partner cannot change; staying condones the behavior.
I agree with this. I believe my ex H loved me in the only way he knew how. For some that’s all they’ve got and it’s the best they can do.
 

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I am not going to go back and read your history to figure out why you ask this. It's a leading question without enough background information to make a solid judgement on. As such I should refuse to answer it.
But just for the sake of illumination,, . . . . .
No That way lies making light of your situation.
Here is the answer,
Not the answer to your question, but nonetheless the answer that you most likely need.
Sometimes Love isn't enough.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
It's a long and overused story I assure you. But yes, I have found myself saying the very same lately. Because love is only one part of a rather large puzzle.



I am not going to go back and read your history to figure out why you ask this. It's a leading question without enough background information to make a solid judgement on. As such I should refuse to answer it.
But just for the sake of illumination,, . . . . .
No That way lies making light of your situation.
Here is the answer,
Not the answer to your question, but nonetheless the answer that you most likely need.
Sometimes Love isn't enough.
 

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I want your opinion. Your unfiltered no holds barred opinion.

Can you actually love someone and still choose to do things that hurt them repeatedly? Or is it a clear cut sign that the love isn't real? Or is it possible but you are just too selfish to make better choices? Or is there a purposeful disconnect you do to make both acceptable until found out?

Basically, if you know an action will deeply hurt your partner, could you still choose to do it even though you love them?
Absolutely! And with very little to no equivocation!

And that's so very easy to ascertain, more especially if you've ever lived to have been on the receiving end of it!
 

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Generally, no. In case of your husband, he is an addict and can't help it. His addiction comes first, even if this means hurting you.
 

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I dont agree that addicts cant help it. Many who were addicts no longer are, its a choice to break free or not.
I agree. The first step in the 12 step program is: We admitted we were powerless over the addiction.

This doesn't mean that an addict can't do anything about the addiction. It means that an addict cannot control the addiction, as in a smoker deciding that she can smoke one cigarette per day rather than the whole pack. That smoker will go back to smoking at least as much as she was smoking before if she takes that position. An addict can't do "just a little." That's not how addiction works. An addict has to completely stay away from the addiction in order to be free of it.
 

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Addicts don't have relationships; they take hostages.

Addiction, in and of itself, is a self-serving, selfish thing. So, no, addicts don't love in an emotionally-healthy, mature fashion. Not to say they don't try, but it doesn't end well. Sorry.
 

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I dont agree that addicts cant help it. Many who were addicts no longer are, its a choice to break free or not.
He can't help the addiction, but he can fix himself. What he is doing is the result of an untreated addiction. As any illnesses, he needs to be treated. If he doesn't want to be treated, then it's time for the OP to pack her bags (said someone who somewhat is unable to do that)...
 

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I want your opinion. Your unfiltered no holds barred opinion.

Can you actually love someone and still choose to do things that hurt them repeatedly? Or is it a clear cut sign that the love isn't real? Or is it possible but you are just too selfish to make better choices? Or is there a purposeful disconnect you do to make both acceptable until found out?

Basically, if you know an action will deeply hurt your partner, could you still choose to do it even though you love them?
Yes, if you are an addict. Addicts do not love themselves so are incapable of loving others.
 

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To be able to love another, properly, one must love themselves proportionally.

If one hates themselves, how is it they can love another? That hate of theirs will soon spill over onto their partner.

Having love and hate in one relationship promises repulsion and rejection, anguish and anxiety.

It seems....

Love and hate derives from the same coin, with each on one side.
How that coin is flipped and landed determines how it is spent.



SCM-
 

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I dont agree that addicts cant help it. Many who were addicts no longer are, its a choice to break free or not.
Not all are strong as Thee.

It is said that the true alcoholic has it the worst. If you cut an alcoholic off cold turkey, the chances of them dying is high. From the DT's and from suicide.

The next worst drug to get off of is methamphetamine's. They are also deadly.

Both these drugs take over the addicts brain, such that they have little or no control of their actions.

This is truth.

Addicts like these can only get clean using supervised medical intervention, and usually employing some means of force and restraint. The restraint can entail injecting strong sedatives, and lock-downs, etc.
 

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Not all are strong as Thee.

It is said that the true alcoholic has it the worst. If you cut an alcoholic off cold turkey, the chances of them dying is high. From the DT's and from suicide.

The next worst drug to get off of is methamphetamine's. They are also deadly.

Both these drugs take over the addicts brain, such that they have little or no control of their actions.

This is truth.

Addicts like these can only get clean using supervised medical intervention, and usually employing some means of force and restraint. The restraint can entail injecting strong sedatives, and lock-downs, etc.
The addiction in this case is he can't stop looking at other people doing the horizontal mambo and keeping his hands off his pee-pee. She's hardly going to take a hot poker to both of his eyes and cut his fingers off. Even if she cut off the internet, he would still have access via other means. He's going to do what he wants regardless if it costs him his marriage.
 
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