[Between]

About a month and a half ago, I married my best friend. We have common interests, goals and beliefs. We met approximately three years after my divorce, from a 25 year marriage that was dysfunctional and abusive. We are both of the same race and culture. I am North American, my ex was Mediterranean, when I agreed to marry my current husband , my two older boys opposed adamantly and have shunned me. I have a minor daughter of 16, ( I have total custody of the girl). I left my country, sold my house, gave away most of my belongings and brought money here to purchase our new home and marry this man.He sold his home to pay his debts. After one month of living together he started acting differently. My daughter ran up a cell bill of about $600 in all, he wanted to call the police to have her arrested for "stealing" airtime from his account.She was grounded for 2 weeks, he wanted 33 days.This caused a major riff between us. I am not allowed to leave the house alone , nor with her. I have no access to the car.We live in a remote area. He listens to all phone calls, and checks the lines. He point blank states that he hates my daughter, when we are at the table, not one word is spoken. If she rides in the car to go shopping, not one word is spoken; but if she talks to me, he tries to take me away from her. At home, he slams doors, marches to the room, and pouts. He has threatened me with divorce three times in a 7 week marriage. He has packed is bags 3 times and left in this time span, but comes back. I m not a legal immigrant yet, and I have no place to go. I have nothing left in my country, and can't go back there because of immigration, yet if he divorces me, we will both be deported and I still have no where to go. All of my funds went to the purchase of this home.
I can not take this drama anymore, I have been sick caused by the stress.
Does anyone know what I can do? Please ...I don't want to leave....

 

[DennisNLA]

Your daughter should be more important than her step father. Look to get out of the marriage ASAP. Find a womens shelter, the status quo will not end well. Sorry

 

[Between]

Thank you for your response, my daughter is the most important person in my life. I would give my life for hers. A woman's shelter will not help me, they will return me to my country. I gave up everything to come to the USA. I feel like I have let her down, her father was abusive and this is no better; just 1000 miles away with no resources.My new husband controls all, including the bank accounts. I don't know where to turn to.

 

[DennisNLA]

I live in California, but what I understand is that shelters do not ask immigration status. Also check resources with the catholic church as they do not ask about immigration status. Please seek a counselor as I am not qualified to give professional help, but I think you have some serious problems brewing.

 

[turnera]

Go to Join the Live United Movement and find the chapter near you. Call them and tell them your situation, and ask for help. They'll get you to the right people/places.

You don't need him OR his money. All you need is a job at 7-11 and a one-room apartment with your daughter, and you'll be better off than you are.

And don't underestimate the power of calling your sons and asking them for forgiveness for your mistake and help.

 

[MerryMerry]

First of all, if you sold your old home to purchase this home, then (depending on your state) that house is community property and half of everything is yours. Now, I don't know how that would work if you're illegal...then the rules may not apply obviously. I would do as suggested and go to a church for help. How can you go about getting citizenship? Do you need him to do it or is he illegal also?
What is this business about your not being able to leave the house? His controlling nature is going to kill you and your daughter. Is this the behavior of your "best friend" as you mentioned? Since you obviously have access to the internet, I would get in touch with my sons and ask them to help you out and get you to safety. At least set up a secret bank account that only you have access to...you need a plan before you do anything. Start getting that together. I've been depositing small bits of money to my seperate bank account so that if I need to make a break one day with my daughter, we will be able to get on our feet. I tell him that's our "vacation fund," but really it's my "emergency fund" since I don't know when I'm going to need it. I wish you the best; no one should have to suffer like that, especially your daughter.