[Maxo]

I seriously doubt this is her first affair. People like this do not remain faithful for long. Most affairs go undetected, forever. If you found one, there is a strong likliehood there were others.

 

[Marduk]

She's not a 10.

Take the wife goggles off, man.

If you think she's a 10, she thinks she's a 10, well... You both are going to think you're the lucky one.

And every time I've heard someone say that -- husband or wife -- once the blinders come off... They're not a 10.

 

[bruin619]

No,she is still responsible for her actions. These disorders do not affect them such that they lack mental capacity. Cluster B's know right from wrong but simply do not give a rat's ass.

Very interesting you say that. Her bridesmaid who is one of her actual friends (real person, long term) is in medical school and recently reached out to her and said she thought she has Histrionic Personality Disorder. WW was devastated and couldn't believe her friend would say such a thing. Her and her friend are no longer talking however her friend summed up many of these issues in that one text to her.

I said bridesmaid I meant to say maid of honor. Her longtime and closest friend. Her maid of honor no longer talks to her.

 

[Marduk]

Very interesting you say that. Her bridesmaid who is one of her actual friends (real person, long term) is in medical school and recently reached out to her and said she thought she has Histrionic Personality Disorder. WW was devastated and couldn't believe her friend would say such a thing. Her and her friend are no longer talking however her friend summed up many of these issues in that one text to her.

I said bridesmaid I meant to say maid of honor. Her longtime and closest friend. Her maid of honor no longer talks to her.

Such people can be very sexy and charming, which can also lead you to believe she's a 10.

But they can be very nasty characters without help.

Listen man. You're better off without her. You know that, right?

 

[happyman64]

Individuals with Histrionic Personality Disorder may have difficulty achieving emotional intimacy in romantic or sexual relationships. Without being aware of it, they often act out a role (e.g., “victim” or “princess”) in their relationships to others. They may seek to control their partner through emotional manipulation or seductiveness on one level, whereas displaying a marked dependency on them at another level.

Individuals with this disorder often have impaired relationships with same-sex friends because their sexually provocative interpersonal style may seem a threat to their friends’ relationships. These individuals may also alienate friends with demands for constant attention. They often become depressed and upset when they are not the center of attention.

I think her Maid of Honor will be a great physician someday.

She nailed your wife's issues in one shot......

Her and her current BF deserve each other.

Keep the kid and ditch her. You will be happier in the long run.

I ditched an Ex like your wife. The woman I married is cute, round and the most confident woman. She also turned out to be the best wife and mother a man could ask for.

Do not settle for a 10. They most often turn into zeros.....

HM

 

[bruin619]

Such people can be very sexy and charming, which can also lead you to believe she's a 10.

But they can be very nasty characters without help.

Listen man. You're better off without her. You know that, right?

Thanks to many of you here I am beginning to see what is true. But when you get lied to and cheated on and you are the one who really cares it hurts like hell. I am better off today then I was yesterday. I was better off yesterday than the day before. Even though we coordinate on the kid this is the first 36 hours I haven't reached out to her and I feel like I have regained a little of my dignity and integrity. I don't expect this day to come, but it would feel great if she reached out trying to fix this and I had the opportunity to tell her we are done. That would be a gift.

 

[bandit.45]

Thanks to many of you here I am beginning to see what is true. But when you get lied to and cheated on and you are the one who really cares it hurts like hell. I am better off today then I was yesterday. I was better off yesterday than the day before. Even though we coordinate on the kid this is the first 36 hours I haven't reached out to her and I feel like I have regained a little of my dignity and integrity. I don't expect this day to come, but it would feel great if she reached out trying to fix this and I had the opportunity to tell her we are done. That would be a gift.

Don't hold out hope. She is a user. Why the hell would you want someone like this back?

Oh man you got it bad. She really did a number on you. That vagina of hers must be pure platinum.

Well, if you were able to attract a looker like her, you will attract another one just a s pretty... and probably fifty times as moral and upstanding.

But you have to kick this woman off her pedestal man. She doesn't belong there.

 

[Marduk]

Thanks to many of you here I am beginning to see what is true. But when you get lied to and cheated on and you are the one who really cares it hurts like hell. I am better off today then I was yesterday. I was better off yesterday than the day before. Even though we coordinate on the kid this is the first 36 hours I haven't reached out to her and I feel like I have regained a little of my dignity and integrity. I don't expect this day to come, but it would feel great if she reached out trying to fix this and I had the opportunity to tell her we are done. That would be a gift.

I've been there. Not with kids though.

It will get better. Let the pain come. Have a buddy to call. Post here.

A year from now, you will be in a better place. I promise you.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[alte Dame]

The kind of selfishness that is characterized by an ease with disposing of people who have suddenly become inconvenient is very common in young adulthood (basically the teenage years). It's standard fare for people this age to move in and out of relationships that were 'true love,' and do it in a cold, brutal way. One day the love and caring are there. The next day it's all shut off and the person is someone 'she used to know.'

When this happens when you are older, it's basically a pathology, in my experience. Her moving on the way she has is not an indicator of anything about you. This is all on her. She has flipped the switch and you are suddenly inconvenient and she wants you in her past.

So, please go full bore on the 180, get the divorce, and restart your life. It is painful, to be sure, but one thing you will find if you read more on places like this - you will get through it and will find yourself much better off in the end. It's part of the experience; get through each day; suffer through & it gets better.

Your WW is as selfish as a teenager. At her age she has no excuse. You've seen how heartless she can be, so this is actually a painful gift to you. You can cut your losses now. Best of luck.

Here's the 180 in case you don't have a copy:

The Healing Heart: The 180

 

[bruin619]

Don't hold out hope. She is a user. Why the hell would you want someone like this back?

Oh man you got it bad. She really did a number on you. That vagina of hers must be pure platinum.

Well, if you were able to attract a looker like her, you will attract another one just a s pretty... and probably fifty times as moral and upstanding.

But you have to kick this woman off her pedestal man. She doesn't belong there.

She did a number on me. Which is why I am here. I want to regain my self respect and be a better and different person after what she did to me. She ****ed me up and I have had enough of it.

 

[Lostinthought61]

Someone who does that to another person they love is ugly regardless of the packaging.

 

[bruin619]

The kind of selfishness that is characterized by an ease with disposing of people who have suddenly become inconvenient is very common in young adulthood (basically the teenage years). It's standard fare for people this age to move in and out of relationships that were 'true love,' and do it in a cold, brutal way. One day the love and caring are there. The next day it's all shut off and the person is someone 'she used to know.'

When this happens when you are older, it's basically a pathology, in my experience. Her moving on the way she has is not an indicator of anything about you. This is all on her. She has flipped the switch and you are suddenly inconvenient and she wants you in her past.

So, please go full bore on the 180, get the divorce, and restart your life. It is painful, to be sure, but one thing you will find if you read more on places like this - you will get through it and will find yourself much better off in the end. It's part of the experience; get through each day; suffer through & it gets better.

Your WW is as selfish as a teenager. At her age she has no excuse. You've seen how heartless she can be, so this is actually a painful gift to you. You can cut your losses now. Best of luck.

Here's the 180 in case you don't have a copy:

The Healing Heart: The 180

Never seen this list. Incredibly helpful to focus on myself (not to sound ignorant) but seeing it all in one place helps.

 

[bruin619]

The kind of selfishness that is characterized by an ease with disposing of people who have suddenly become inconvenient is very common in young adulthood (basically the teenage years). It's standard fare for people this age to move in and out of relationships that were 'true love,' and do it in a cold, brutal way. One day the love and caring are there. The next day it's all shut off and the person is someone 'she used to know.'

When this happens when you are older, it's basically a pathology, in my experience. Her moving on the way she has is not an indicator of anything about you. This is all on her. She has flipped the switch and you are suddenly inconvenient and she wants you in her past.

So, please go full bore on the 180, get the divorce, and restart your life. It is painful, to be sure, but one thing you will find if you read more on places like this - you will get through it and will find yourself much better off in the end. It's part of the experience; get through each day; suffer through & it gets better.

Your WW is as selfish as a teenager. At her age she has no excuse. You've seen how heartless she can be, so this is actually a painful gift to you. You can cut your losses now. Best of luck.

Here's the 180 in case you don't have a copy:

The Healing Heart: The 180

Funny you say that because the therapist I have been seeing who also saw her for many years separately said she is stunted emotionally and acts exactly this way unfortunately. Just wish I had started seeing him sooner to get out in front of this.

 

[happyman64]

Bruin

There is no winning when it comes to infidelity.

But there is healing and happiness if you consciously work at it.

The key is not to wait for her to show remorse or want to fix the marriage.

That rarely happens in a short time frame. Some times it never happens at all.

But the Battered Spouses that succeed and find happiness are the ones that decide to hop on the train with or without their wayward spouse.

They understand the need to focus on themselves and take the time to heal. They excise the wayward spouse of their daily lives. Especially if the wayward spouse is still involved in the affair or lying about it.


Sometimes a wayward spouse begins to come out of the fog. They realize that the battered spouse has had enough and has chosen to move forward in life without them in it.

That is what you need to do. And do it with the realization that your wayward wife might never be remorseful or come back to the marriage.

It will make you stronger than you ever believed to walk away from her infidelity.

Take your time. Make a plan. Set a time limit in your head to walk away from her infidelity.

Then put your plan into motion.

You deserve to be happy. With her or without her.

She just is too selfish to realize that.

So show her.

HM

 

[Gooch78]

Sorry to hear you are going through this very painful phase in your life. As you said, u need to get your respect and self esteem back. Move on, be Happy in your life, you will find the right person, ur still very young... alot ahead of u. All the best.

 

[WasDecimated]

Don't hold out hope. She is a user. Why the hell would you want someone like this back?

Oh man you got it bad. She really did a number on you. That vagina of hers must be pure platinum.

Well, if you were able to attract a looker like her, you will attract another one just a s pretty... and probably fifty times as moral and upstanding.

But you have to kick this woman off her pedestal man. She doesn't belong there.

Ya...what Bandit said!

I was where you are now...I had it bad too. In retrospect, I thought my XWW was the hottest woman on earth and her V was super-extra-special. I will admit she was a stunner but she was also a cheating, lying, narcissistic B!tch and honestly, all V's are pretty much the same. I had her so high up on a up on a f**king pedestal that I couldn't see any of her faults. It's amazing how much different (worse) she looks to me now that my mind is clear and my thinking is straight. The same thing will happen to you when your eyes are truly open and you get all of this behind you.

You are still young. You will meet another beautiful woman down the road with an extra-special V...and integrity. Get this sorry excuse for a woman out of your life ASAP. I would go for an annulment since it has only been a matter of months.

 

[TAMAT]

Decimated,

You wrote, I was where you are now...I had it bad too. In retrospect, I thought my XWW was the hottest woman on earth and her V was super-extra-special.

That's ok, even healthy perhaps, it's how people who are romantically in love feel about their partners. It's not a defect, the defect is that your XWW did not feel the same about you.

We should not give up our virtues to match the vices of our cheating spouses.

Tamat

 

[bruin619]

I agree with all you are saying. Your feedback (especially candid at that) and real life experiences are greatly appreciated. For those that were betrayed and wanted to move on with their life and get back into it (knowing that you were likely not emotionally ready to meet someone long term) how long before you met someone and started being sexually active again? I am sure this to some extent (though maybe I am wrong) helps in the process of moving forward. She was hot. Sex was amazing and yes so was her V. My biggest issue I seem to be facing heading on is my love was real, I cared more than her, and even though I was played I had so many dreams in life for US that have disappeared because of the terrible things she did. I know I can share that with someone better in the future but it doesn't help in the present. What she did to me was AWFUL. I am trying to use that to get myself even more stirred up and angry to be stronger. But I am still completely shocked. cc @bandit.45 @Decimated

 

[TRy]

As for the boy? He is the most innocent victim in all this. If you love him, then fight for joint custody. Be the best dad to him you can be. He needs you now more than ever.

The boy is not biologically the OP's and the OP met the boy when he was 2 years old. I have seen with my friends the reality of what usually happens once there is a divorce in this situtaion. The OP will fight for shared custody and accept child support obligations in return. The OP's ex-wife will have a new man in her life that will play daily daddy to the boy, and even have the Mom require the boy to call the new man "Dad". The new man will have all of the advantages over the OP in winning the boy's heart long term. Over time the boy will be encouraged by Mom and Dad to think of the OP as just someone that lived with them for a few years, and encourage the boy to call the OP by the OP's first name instead of as "Dad" to prevent confusion with the new man. Living as a minor under the roof and control of the new man, the boy will have little real choice in choosing the new man over the OP. Add in that the new man is a smart doctor that makes more than the OP, and it tilts even more away from the OP. Long term, at the end of the day the OP will have little to no real father-son relationship with the boy, and the boy will become nothing more than a bill to pay that takes money away from the OP’s new wife and children (children that could be biologically his).

The cold hard facts are that the wife used the OP to help her raise her child until a better meal ticket showed up. It is time for the OP to move on. He needs to fight alimony and child support. From what I have read about the OP, he is a nice guy that will not take this advice, and be regretting it a few years from now when he cannot buy something that his wife or child need because he mailed the money off to his ex.

 

[bandit.45]

I agree with all you are saying. Your feedback (especially candid at that) and real life experiences are greatly appreciated. For those that were betrayed and wanted to move on with their life and get back into it (knowing that you were likely not emotionally ready to meet someone long term) how long before you met someone and started being sexually active again? I am sure this to some extent (though maybe I am wrong) helps in the process of moving forward. She was hot. Sex was amazing and yes so was her V. My biggest issue I seem to be facing heading on is my love was real, I cared more than her, and even though I was played I had so many dreams in life for US that have disappeared because of the terrible things she did. I know I can share that with someone better in the future but it doesn't help in the present. What she did to me was AWFUL. I am trying to use that to get myself even more stirred up and angry to be stronger. But I am still completely shocked. cc @bandit.45 @Decimated

I don't date anymore. I did for a while, and even fell in love, but it did not work out and now I just don't have the energy or life left in me to invest myself that way again.