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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
So, I posted on here a few nights ago, had initiated sex, husband turned me down. We've been married for three years. There have been many ups and downs in our sex life. The most we've gone without sex is 4 mths where I then discovered he had a porn addiction and was spending $ on online live cams. With some therapy we got through that phase. Now I can't get him to f*€k me for the life of me. It's quite hard to grasp that a hubby is doing the rejection. Hurtful too. I've become resentful and it's not doing my mind, body, or health any good.

Some people suggested he might be having an affair, in which I made it clear that I was absolutely sure he's not, as we are very open with one another when it comes to our electronic devices.

I stated the facts - he's jobless, stressed, and has used that factor as an excuse for no intimacy. When I initiated a few nights ago he refused me, said his "body was too tired and he just wanted to sleep".. Well it's been almost a week, he hasn't initiated and I sure as hell don't plan to initiate once more.

New info - we were laying in bed tonight, each one on our phones, he was supposed to be looking for jobs, Craigslist, monster, etc ... I hop on top of him, not trying to initiate at all, just being playful and affectionate, it's in my nature. So I'm showering him with kisses on his face, tugging at his hair, and so forth. He suggests get behind me (he's sleeping on his side) and massage my back a bit. I'm ok with that. I have a tendency to do that on my own without his request anyway. I hop behind him, he's still on his phone, on google, he's about to type something when the scroll box search history thingy pops up, and what do you know, he's been searching "showgirls in town" , nearest "bars and nightclubs".

I gotta mention he's been going out all week to "job search". He leaves for 7-8 hrs. Might I add his searches begin at 9pm and last until 3-4 am. He then continues to sleep throughout the day. Wakes up mid afternoon. And repeat. Well I've mentioned to him that his job searching from 9pm and up isn't going to get him anywhere. Now I'm starting to think he's not even job searching. Ugh. I really am frustrated. And so hurt. At the end of the rope. I would love to purchase a VAR but don't have the car to myself. It's either with him, or if I go out he's with me. Am I overreacting? Am I thinking too far into this? Has my resent for our lack of sex life started to make me hallucinate maybe?
 

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Going out to look for jobs between 9pm and 3am? Phone searches for the location if the nearest night clubs and strip clubs? Those are red flags and they seem shady in conjunction with his sexual rejection.

Check your phone bill and Internet histories and credit cards and bank statements for unusual activity.

Any other indication that he's straying?
 
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Discussion Starter #3 (Edited)
Going out to look for jobs between 9pm and 3am? Phone searches for the location if the nearest night clubs and strip clubs? Those are red flags and they seem shady in conjunction with his sexual rejection.

Check your phone bill and Internet histories and credit cards and bank statements for unusual activity.

Any other indication that he's straying?
That's the thing. I'm not being naive. If I was the least suspecting I'd dig and then call him out on it. But up until tonight I feel like he's kept his facade. He doesn't get any suspicious phone calls, no texts, etc and if anyone calls he takes his calls in front of me.

He did make it clear that he does go to bars/lounges/pubs - for job searching, cause that's where "the guys" hang out and he "has a chance to meet other guys" - so then his chances to get a job might increase. :/ I'm clueless.
 

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I think it is the last thing you should do spying his phone etc. But didn't you directly ask him what it was when this window popped up?
Anyway simply ask him what he did do last night to search a job, were he went etc. Or better still, tell him that you saw this window popping up and if it's the usual way to search jobs. However, if he didn't have a job since a very long time he might even consider doing this kind of jobs (unlikely)?
 

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I would be pretty suspicious at this point. As I have said before, I cannot comprehend turning down a beautiful, hot and horny for me wife. My d/¢k would be busting out of my own skin.
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That's the thing. I'm not being naive. If I was the least suspecting I'd dig and then call him out on it. But up until tonight I feel like he's kept his facade. He doesn't get any suspicious phone calls, no texts, etc and if anyone calls he takes his calls in front of me.

He did make it clear that he does go to bars/lounges/pubs - for job searching, cause that's where "the guys" hang out and he "has a chance to meet other guys" - so then his chances to get a job might increase. :/ I'm clueless.
No offence, but why do you insist he's not cheating when he's gone from 9 at night to 3 in the morning on a daily basis? And what kind of job is he looking for? I've NEVER heard of anyone doing a job search like that!

C
 

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fallensoilder, first I wish my wife would be as loving and playful as you. He should be grateful!!!!!

I agree with others, he may be using other means than you in meeting his sexual needs.

Hate to say this but I would go PI and begin snooping. Collect evidence of him doing things he is not supposed to be doing but do not confront! Use this information to better understand your situation then determine how you would like to deal with it.
 

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Trust your gut instinct and by the way love your thread title ;)

Wish i could wave a magic wand and he would disappeared and a new loving man was put in to replace him.

Whether it is now or years down the line and a few STD's later, you choose, i say it is not worth it because i think that is all he has to give you.

Being with a man like that just chips away at your self esteem and makes you feel less and less desirable as a woman, till you feel totally devalued.
 

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he taking you for a ride. wake up for crying out loud!!!!!!! hes looking for job when everything is closed... what kind of job did he have? was he a stripper? bat tender?

this guy is masterbating and night clubbing probably meeting up with whos knows and neglecting the wife who works and pays the bills.

he is taking advantage of you and IMHO dosn't love you. people who love you don't do this type of stuff. you would be better off without this a$$ in your life. ....
 

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Get him to a doctor for an evaluation. It sounds like he is depressed and may need medication. In the meantime, I think the PI work is a good idea. It sounds like he is feeling unworthy of you. You seem like a good wife.
 

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I think I will echo the sentiments of many in this thread. He is unemployed but only going out 'job hunting' from 9 p.m. until 4 a.m., has no interest in sex and is making no effort to get in the mood and generally seems to be taking you for granted. It looks like an affair and he sounds like a mooch.
 

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In your other thread I agreed that he was depressed.

I also remember you saying you make his appointments. My guess is that he does that so he can have his free time. Seriously... who looks for jobs in bars unless he's a bartender but even then they don't interview you during their busy time.

I think he's playing you, and you shouldn't have sex with him until he's tested for STD's.
 

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I gotta mention he's been going out all week to "job search". He leaves for 7-8 hrs. Might I add his searches begin at 9pm and last until 3-4 am. He then continues to sleep throughout the day. Wakes up mid afternoon. And repeat. Well I've mentioned to him that his job searching from 9pm and up isn't going to get him anywhere. Now I'm starting to think he's not even job searching.
Gee, ya think? 'The guys' hang out there and they will get him a job? Seriously?? What a fvcked up way to get a job.

PLEASE wake up to what he is doing. He is a master at keeping you from suspecting anything, and I think you are very naive.

What would he say if you went 'job hunting' with him?
 

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My H has been out of work for months, but he's never gone to a club to smooze with guys. Networking is very important in this job environment, but guys who are checking out women's who-ha's at a club are not thinking to themselves "this guy would be perfect for that job"
 

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Either you tell him right away what you think or you simply pack his stuff together and change the lock of the house. Someone who searches a job is not up in the morning???
Maybe yes he is depressed and all that but you won't help him neither yourself by accepting his behaviour. He must adress his issues himself.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Yeaaaah, something is def fishy. I haven't posted in a while because I'm trying to put my finger on what it is he's been up to.

Update:

Well, last weekend we got into an argument, now that I look back at our arguments I'm starting to believe that he purposely picks a fight to leave the house - so that's what happened, he left said he won't be long, just wanted to get away from our problems. It was 4 pm. He texts me at 9 pm, saying he was in a far away area (2hrs away), that someone told him of a few job opening in that area and he went to apply. He came home at 4 am, tried to make up for his fight, I asked where he'd been, what he'd done, what happened, did YOU get a job?? He says the guy said he'll call ... Hmmm
So next morning I get in the car, turn on the gps, lo and behold, there are names of big casinos in our state - 70 miles away. I haven't said anything about it yet. Gathering my evidence. It's going to be a nice confrontation.

Then tonight, I'm in the shower and he comes in says his friend texted him, told him "let's meet up tonight" I said "ok, where you going??" he says "where we always go, you know ..." and I say "ummm, no I don't know, where is it that you always go?" he said "well we go to a restaurant/hookah lounge" .. I said ok have fun! He goes in to shower after me, and I go thru his phone, friend says "hey you up for some clubbing tonight?!" he replies "yes!" friend tells him "ok, I'll meet you at the door, I got VIP tickets!"

He just left. I'm trying to contain my feelings and emotions. I don't want this to go wrong, I want the confrontation and evidence to slap him in the face.
 

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Yeaaaah, something is def fishy. I haven't posted in a while because I'm trying to put my finger on what it is he's been up to.

Update:

Well, last weekend we got into an argument, now that I look back at our arguments I'm starting to believe that he purposely picks a fight to leave the house - so that's what happened, he left said he won't be long, just wanted to get away from our problems. It was 4 pm. He texts me at 9 pm, saying he was in a far away area (2hrs away), that someone told him of a few job opening in that area and he went to apply. He came home at 4 am, tried to make up for his fight, I asked where he'd been, what he'd done, what happened, did YOU get a job?? He says the guy said he'll call ... Hmmm
So next morning I get in the car, turn on the gps, lo and behold, there are names of big casinos in our state - 70 miles away. I haven't said anything about it yet. Gathering my evidence. It's going to be a nice confrontation.

Then tonight, I'm in the shower and he comes in says his friend texted him, told him "let's meet up tonight" I said "ok, where you going??" he says "where we always go, you know ..." and I say "ummm, no I don't know, where is it that you always go?" he said "well we go to a restaurant/hookah lounge" .. I said ok have fun! He goes in to shower after me, and I go thru his phone, friend says "hey you up for some clubbing tonight?!" he replies "yes!" friend tells him "ok, I'll meet you at the door, I got VIP tickets!"

He just left. I'm trying to contain my feelings and emotions. I don't want this to go wrong, I want the confrontation and evidence to slap him in the face.
what exactly about this person do you love?
are your afraid of being alone?
do you think you will have trouble finding someone else?

I'd rather be alone than be with someone who only takes advantage of me and don't pull there own weight.

you don't have to give him any explination hes whoring around and partying it up as you foot the bill.kick his a$$ to the curb.

if you try to have a confrontation he will just sweet talk you into a few more months/years of taking advantage of you.

good luck
 
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