[Abstract Annie]

Ok, so I wanted to get some perspective about something before I say anything to my husband...if I say anything at all. A male opinion would be good, but anyone who wants to answer feel free.

My DH and I were intimate last night, it was a semi-quickie. The first time we've been intimate since his vasectomy, and also in that time things have been a little tense, but we're getting there.. Anyway, I was going down on him and for the first time ever, he grabbed my head and moved it in the rhythm he wanted it to happen (sorry for the TMI). Not too forcefully, but enough for me to be surprised. He seemed a bit more forceful in general. Moved me the way he wanted me to go, didn't ask questions, just did. In the end I was close...but then he finished. He knew it didn't quite get there for me, but really didn't seem to care. This is totally out of character for him.

Is this just something guys do sometimes? Just a bit rough and ready...not really caring how the partner feels. We've been together 4 years and this was the first time he's been like this. I don't know whether I should say something or let it drop..what'd you think?

 

[dormant]

Difficult to judge, based on one time. Wait and see what happens next time.

 

[40isthenew20]

Different moods cause different actions/reactions. I agree with the above; once is not enough to base anything on.

 

[chillymorn]

comunication is key.

don't wait just say hey babe what was up lsst night. you were kinda different. it kinda turned me on you taking control like that ....but I didn't get my orgasm last night so how about a little payback today!!!!!


or if you didn't like it say you were a little rough last night and I felt uncomfortable.

but if you didn't cum and were left unfullfilled then you should let him know.

 

[PHTlump]

Once is chance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is a pattern.

Unless you just found his behavior completely unacceptable, which it doesn't sound like you did, I would wait to say anything until it happens two or three times.

 

[anotherguy]

...The first time we've been intimate since his vasectomy, and also in that time things have been a little tense, but we're getting there..

so... whats going on?

things been 'a little tense'... bacause of the vasectomy? '..getting there'? Getting where? Was that (the VAS) something you were really both on board with, or is something else in play here?

 

[rjp1969]

Well, when you have a vasectomy, you're told not to have sex for a while (think it was 4 weeks, when I had the snip). So there may be sexual tension there.

Also, a number of men who have had a vasectomy somehow feel they are 'less of a man' afterwards. That could lead to a lack of confidence in the bedroom, which could lead to its own tensions and stresses.
He may have wanted to just 'have his way' to prove he is still a man, if only to himself. As others have said, if you're really uncomfortable with it, then mention it. If not, then see if it happens again

 

[WorkingOnMe]

Do you have any idea how much we read that this is what women want? An now he finally gets the guts/confidence to do it and you question it. Look, if you liked it, let him know. Through your reactions and your words. If you didn't like it, likewise, let him know.

 

[norajane]

He knew it didn't quite get there for me, but really didn't seem to care. This is totally out of character for him.

Since this is the first time he had sex since the vasectomy, I think he might have been more focused on how his equipment would work than caring about you. I might give him a pass since it's out of character and he probably was worried about his abilities or any changes.

However, I'd talk to him about how things felt for him this first time post-op. If he opens up to you, you'll understand what was going through his head at the time. It might give you a chance to explain how you felt, too.

If he does it again, definitely tell him that's a non-starter! I can't imagine that you'd be much interested in having sex if he doesn't care about your pleasure and orgasms - he needs to make sure he remembers that! Otherwise, he'll end up on TAM posting about his sexless marriage soon enough.

 

[jaquen]

Is this just something guys do sometimes? Just a bit rough and ready...not really caring how the partner feels.

Yup. From time to time I'll take my wife in a way that has her saying afterward "What got into you? You phucked me like I was just some girl on the street".

It happens. Even the most loving, considerate guy will sometimes slip into being a total animal in bed. It's part of being a man, and in and of itself doesn't signify that something is "wrong". Sometimes a man isn't interested in making love with you. Sometimes he just wants to get his phuck on.

I will clarify that even if this happens, I always make sure my wife gets hers. So there is a way to wild out like this, but still offer mutual satisfaction. A guy just need to learn out to do both.

Also since he was controlling the blowjob, you might want to consider that you're not very good at it, or not doing it in a way he prefers. Just ask him if he's sincerely pleased by your technique, and tell him that he's free to be honest.

 

[wiigirl]

comunication is key.

don't wait just say hey babe what was up lsst night. you were kinda different. it kinda turned me on you taking control like that ....but I didn't get my orgasm last night so how about a little payback today!!!!!


or if you didn't like it say you were a little rough last night and I felt uncomfortable.

but if you didn't cum and were left unfullfilled then you should let him know.

This...communitate!!

Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Abstract Annie]

Thanks for the advice..

I'm not complaining about it, just curious. And I didn't want to say anything if its a totally normal thing for a man to do. Why rock the boat?

We were both very much for the vasectomy. No more kiddies here thanks, and it was him that suggested that he get it done rather than getting my tubes tied, so no animosity there. I guess I'm still ...I don't know how to explain it...cautious? since I caught him out in an EA 6 months ago. He's made all steps towards ending that and focusing on our family, but we're not quite there yet, and things tend to get pretty tense some days.

I did end up playfully asking about grabbing my head, and he said he thought I'd like him to take control. I did like it, I just questioned it because it was so out of character for him..and we hadn't discussed it. I didn't mention my lack of orgasm though. If it happens again I will.

Thanks again.

 

[unbelievable]

I suppose some guys might feel like less of a man after a vasectomy. I felt like a huge horndog, like I'd been handed the card to a sexual ATM with a limitless balance. Also, I had to wait a few weeks before taking it for a test drive. I wanted to burn the tires off it. Maybe your husband was just feeling a little of the same.