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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I’m 29 (male) and I just started hanging out/dating someone who is 25 We met at a my favorite coffee shop. Everything seems to be going well, she’s really sweet, we both really like each other, but I have a few concerns/some stuff that bothers me and I figured I’d get some opinions on it.


She mentioned that she and her “best friend” (a girl) send each other nude photos of themselves (With faces). Something about feeling insecure about their body and needing confidence. She said they kiss/have kissed (who knows what else) she said the kissing part pretty confidently and when I said “that’s a little odd I don’t kiss my friends” she said it was only once.(most likely wasn't). The Photos with faces is definitely the bigger issue to me.

She is being honest and I don’t want to be negative about the fact she’s honest with me so I haven’t said anything. I don't like to be considered controlling and I feel like people should be allowed to be open without being attacked about it. I'm

Is it something I should or shouldn’t be concerned about? I don’t particularly like the idea of it.
How normal is it for girls to do this?
Any and all opinions from everyone here are appreciated. What can I do/say?
 

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one swallow does not make a summer ,
she kissed a girl does not make her a bi
 
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I don’t have experience with this but there is a famous thinker Katy Perry who released a lecture on this topic called, “I Kissed a Girl”.

The two most important passages for you are:

I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong, it felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight


and then…

Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

In this case the author is conflicted by it but realizes it may be an issue for her boyfriend. She explains it away as, innocent. Just because of a kiss doesn’t mean she’s in love or anything.

Now with that said her lecture didn’t include full nudes with faces. Maybe if you add that it’s less innocent.
 

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Y’all just started dating so I wouldn’t give it much concern myself. It would be something I would keep an eye on and the situation with it will become more clear in time. If you come to learn she is deeply involved with this other person then you can break it off. I wouldn’t mention it to her as she could be less forthcoming if you do.
 

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So I’m 29 (male) and I just started hanging out/dating someone who is 25 We met at a my favorite coffee shop. Everything seems to be going well, she’s really sweet, we both really like each other, but I have a few concerns/some stuff that bothers me and I figured I’d get some opinions on it.


She mentioned that she and her “best friend” (a girl) send each other nude photos of themselves (With faces). Something about feeling insecure about their body and needing confidence. She said they kiss/have kissed (who knows what else) she said the kissing part pretty confidently and when I said “that’s a little odd I don’t kiss my friends” she said it was only once.(most likely wasn't). The Photos with faces is definitely the bigger issue to me.

She is being honest and I don’t want to be negative about the fact she’s honest with me so I haven’t said anything. I don't like to be considered controlling and I feel like people should be allowed to be open without being attacked about it. I'm

Is it something I should or shouldn’t be concerned about? I don’t particularly like the idea of it.
How normal is it for girls to do this?
Any and all opinions from everyone here are appreciated. What can I do/say?
Uh, no, not normal. If it was just a kiss in the past, I'd probably let it go if there wasn't any other red flags. She's probably bisexual and that would be cheating in my book.

You tell her that you are not comfortable with other people seeing her nude, or her having nudes out there. If she refuses to stop, you end the relationship.

Or you just end it now because you're dating/hanging out, not married or in a LTR.

The paranoid side of me wants to know if you have ever met this "best friend" and if it's possible the contact in her phone is actually a male.
 

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So I’m 29 (male) and I just started hanging out/dating someone who is 25 We met at a my favorite coffee shop. Everything seems to be going well, she’s really sweet, we both really like each other, but I have a few concerns/some stuff that bothers me and I figured I’d get some opinions on it.


She mentioned that she and her “best friend” (a girl) send each other nude photos of themselves (With faces). Something about feeling insecure about their body and needing confidence. She said they kiss/have kissed (who knows what else) she said the kissing part pretty confidently and when I said “that’s a little odd I don’t kiss my friends” she said it was only once.(most likely wasn't). The Photos with faces is definitely the bigger issue to me.

She is being honest and I don’t want to be negative about the fact she’s honest with me so I haven’t said anything. I don't like to be considered controlling and I feel like people should be allowed to be open without being attacked about it. I'm

Is it something I should or shouldn’t be concerned about? I don’t particularly like the idea of it.
How normal is it for girls to do this?
Any and all opinions from everyone here are appreciated. What can I do/say?
Not normal. One of the two is gay or bi probably. Sending nudes on the internet is all kinds of stupid. She's chaos.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Uh, no, not normal. If it was just a kiss in the past, I'd probably let it go if there wasn't any other red flags. She's probably bisexual and that would be cheating in my book.

You tell her that you are not comfortable with other people seeing her nude, or her having nudes out there. If she refuses to stop, you end the relationship.

Or you just end it now because you're dating/hanging out, not married or in a LTR.

The paranoid side of me wants to know if you have ever met this "best friend" and if it's possible the contact in her phone is actually a male.
I haven't but it's not a male, definitely a slutty female. ( hope that's not rude)

That said who knows what she has sent to guys in the past or if it matters?
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Y’all just started dating so I wouldn’t give it much concern myself. It would be something I would keep an eye on and the situation with it will become more clear in time. If you come to learn she is deeply involved with this other person then you can break it off. I wouldn’t mention it to her as she could be less forthcoming if you do.
Great post. People say to talk about it, but id rather have her open and honest then shut off because I judge her
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Uh, no, not normal. If it was just a kiss in the past, I'd probably let it go if there wasn't any other red flags. She's probably bisexual and that would be cheating in my book.

You tell her that you are not comfortable with other people seeing her nude, or her having nudes out there. If she refuses to stop, you end the relationship.

Or you just end it now because you're dating/hanging out, not married or in a LTR.

The paranoid side of me wants to know if you have ever met this "best friend" and if it's possible the contact in her phone is actually a male.
I also don't know how you tell people to stop or whatever. People are who they are and don't want to be told what to do? How can one mention it appropriately
 

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That said who knows what she has sent to guys in the past or if it matters?
To an extent, what she has done before you is none of your business. I know there are guys out there who have or had nudes of my wife. Do I like it? No, but what happened before we dated isn't my business - and what happened during our marriage had to be let go as well.

But... there is the possibility of them coming back to bite her in the ass, especially because she puts her face in them (idiot). If she's sending nudes to a bunch of people for attention, that's a red flag for an unsafe partner.
 

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I also don't know how you tell people to stop or whatever. People are who they are and don't want to be told what to do? How can one mention it appropriately
That's something that you will need to work on if you want to have a healthy relationship. Everyone should have boundaries and should be able to say them. That doesn't mean the other person has to follow your boundaries, which also means you don't have to stay with them.

If sending nudes is so important to her, then you aren't a good match (and honestly, I doubt she'd be a safe partner). If your relationship is more important than it won't be a big deal for her to stop.

How did this topic come up/how do you know about the nudes?
 

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Here's the thing: It is NOT judgmental to be uncomfortable or not want to be involved with a bisexual. People often mistake being judgmental with setting boundaries. One of my boundaries is I don't want to be involved with someone who is bisexual. That's not judging, that's simply my own boundary. I have no problem with people pursuing whatever makes them sexually happy.

Asking her to expound on what she's said to you about kissing another girl and sharing nudies is your right. You feel uncomfortable, so tell her. Again, it's all about boundaries and what you feel comfortable with.
 

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So I’m 29 (male) and I just started hanging out/dating someone who is 25 We met at a my favorite coffee shop. Everything seems to be going well, she’s really sweet, we both really like each other, but I have a few concerns/some stuff that bothers me and I figured I’d get some opinions on it.


She mentioned that she and her “best friend” (a girl) send each other nude photos of themselves (With faces). Something about feeling insecure about their body and needing confidence. She said they kiss/have kissed (who knows what else) she said the kissing part pretty confidently and when I said “that’s a little odd I don’t kiss my friends” she said it was only once.(most likely wasn't). The Photos with faces is definitely the bigger issue to me.

She is being honest and I don’t want to be negative about the fact she’s honest with me so I haven’t said anything. I don't like to be considered controlling and I feel like people should be allowed to be open without being attacked about it. I'm

Is it something I should or shouldn’t be concerned about? I don’t particularly like the idea of it.
How normal is it for girls to do this?
Any and all opinions from everyone here are appreciated. What can I do/say?
While the kiss is definitely strange, the nude pics is over the top.
At a minimum, I would keep my eyes and ears open, mouth shut, and invest the bare minimum possible into the relationship until she could consistently prove that she is capable of good judgement, impulse control, and had a self image that she did not have to recharge by sending nudies to others.
Frankly, unless you have time to kill, I'd just return this one back to the pond.
 

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What do you know about the other girl and what do you know about your girl in terms of their past relationships.

You are making a big investment of time and emotion it does matter who she really is.

One thing we see here quite often is that ex'es have a way of coming back into your partners life, when they need money or love or emotional support. It's almost like they have the prior claim on your partner.

You would need to cut your partner off from this woman, because they already had a sexual relationship, kissing is sex.

A baseline question you can ask yourself is how is the sex with your partner and especially how is the kissing is she passionate and initiating with you. Does she like women more than men?

As others have said here this does not mean you have to end the relationship immediately, but this might not bode well for your long term prospects with her. You don't want to have 2 kids and find out she is seeing other women with you stuck at home watching them.

Sending nudes by itself is a red flag.
 
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