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So I have never posted anything before but right now I have so much on my mind and no one at all to talk to.

Frist off my husband and I just got married last April but have been together 10 years. We have 3 kids 4, 5 and 8, the reason we never married sooner was b/c he didn't want to be married, and I had to have a job and what not sense I was a stay at home mom for 9 years, which worked out great seeing how he NEVER got up with any of the kids which I didn't mind I LOVED to do it. When my youngest daughter turned 3 I got a job a few months later I was working 2 jobs and then quite both for 1 I really liked. Thats when he proposed to me and we got married last April, things were good for a while, he was treating me nicer and was more sweet then he has been in a long time. I had mentioned I wanted another kid a while ago and he said to see how it is in a couple years and maybe we could have one, but now he is saying there is no way ever he will have another kid. I know it shouldn't matter b/c I have 3 already but I hinestly want another child. My husband and I fight now over it, his bf girlfriend is pregnant with there 4th and i'm jealous that she gets to have a baby and didn't even want another one, they can't afford there bills and she has no job, yet here we are both working and I do want another one.
Anyways to make matters worse I dropped the subject for a while thinking I didn't want one for another yr or so anyways, but we fight consently, he sleeps till noon and when I work morning my 4 yr old is on here own watching t.v and I hate that. Also I have no desire to have sex with him anymore. Idon't get turned on and I don't want to try. I am up late working till 11 not home till 11:30 and have to be up at 6 to get my kids ready for school and somtimes 5 for me to go to work, so I need some sleep and hes up till 2 or 3am. He said he isn't going to change, this has been an on going thing for yrs now, he has tryed and then a week later goes back to the same old thing. I feel I made a mistake marrying him, I love him but we fight to much and he gets so mean and says such hurtful things. I think sense we have been together so long and he has always supported me I feel I have to stay, he tells me I would be dirt if I didn't have him, which I don't beleave. He also watches to much porn promised he was done and then I found out when I had to work crazy hours he was paying for it on the internet and he would rather break up our marriage then stop. He gets sex just not alot and as it is he likes hand jobs, and I mean he wants them at least twice a week, and the rare chance I want to have sex is when he doesn't want to he wants a HJ instead. UGH!!! I just don't know. I can't talk to him about how i'm feeling b/c he just blames me for everything. Sorry this is everywhere, i'm not good at keeping to one thing. If anyone has any suggestions or advice I would love to hear it.
 
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