This is precisely how I feel and almost exactly how I've described it. I am a traditionalist. She is my one and only. I was never an incel and had plenty of casual date type girlfriends in college. Just no sex. Being a traditional old school man was important to me. My vows were incredibly important to me.When your wife screwed another man etc. she cut down the tree of your marriage. She broke the vow. If you decided to have a relationship with another woman, it is not a "revenge affair" it's that the tree of your marriage has been cut down. The contract is broken.
[SIDENOTE By way of explanation: I have always been a traditionalist from a young age, and I realize this makes me kind of a freaky counterculturalist. In some ways, especially after my wife's infidelity, I feel pretty foolish about it. But I became a Reagan Republican at age 10 when he was elected (when I was 9 I was watching Nightline and growing increasingly frustrated by the Iran Hostage Crisis and wondering why Jimmy Carter was dithering). My family were all Roosevelt Democrats. They thought I was weird. 😂]
Anyway, I have told her she already divorced me when she decided to step outside our marriage.