I understand where your comming from, when my wife had her affair she told me daily that she loved me and then would begin to talk to her lover, and i wonder the same thing. If she truly loved me then why did she do this to our marriage
Not a liar, but perhaps a broken person who needs therapy, perhaps?How can someone claim to love you with all of their heart, yet obsess and become completely infatuated with another person? How can my husband expect me to believe that he has always loved me even though he spent a good chunk of our marriage pursuing another woman? Am I wrong to call him a liar?
I don't know your story so I'll just respond to the specific question of, "How can my husband expect me to believe that he has always loved me even though he spent a good chunk of our marriage pursuing another woman?"How can someone claim to love you with all of their heart, yet obsess and become completely infatuated with another person? How can my husband expect me to believe that he has always loved me even though he spent a good chunk of our marriage pursuing another woman? Am I wrong to call him a liar?
because their love for you sadly falls one half step behind their own selfishness...How can someone claim to love you with all of their heart, yet obsess and become completely infatuated with another person? How can my husband expect me to believe that he has always loved me even though he spent a good chunk of our marriage pursuing another woman? Am I wrong to call him a liar?
It's possible he does love you. It might help you to do some research about compartmentalization, disassociation, narcissism, borderline personality disorder, splitting, etc.How can someone claim to love you with all of their heart, yet obsess and become completely infatuated with another person? How can my husband expect me to believe that he has always loved me even though he spent a good chunk of our marriage pursuing another woman? Am I wrong to call him a liar?
Your right, cheating is a selfish, non-loving, abusive act. Ouch and all strayers deserved what was said in that article.Shattered,
No, in my opinion they cannot love you and cheat on you at the same time. I wrote about it here, might be of help.
Dear Chump Lady, She says she’s sorry…
Whatever "love" they claim is not a love that is good for you. It's not healthy love. Pedophiles "love" children. Cheating is not a loving act -- it's abusive and disrespectful.
This went on for over 2 years. We are both 31 and have 2 small boys.How long was he having an affiar? How old are the two of you and do you have any kids together?
I have heard it may be emotional separation/disconnection. My stbeh says he went through that and once he disconnected over there and realized what he did and lost, it all came back. No idea what to think or believe, just sharing a cheaters answer.When my wife fell in love with OM stopped loving me as a husband. She coulnd't compartimentalize or fake a thing. She never tried to lie about it once I busted her. I'm sure other people can, not my wife.
Sure enough "something" (love?) was left becuase I know for sure she then fell in love with me again once the love she felt for MOM vanished as the sh1t it was.
I imagine very long term marriages suffer this withouit infidelity, fall in/out love. I mean as a noun and as a verb.
I do appreciate your honesty. I know we all do. I think to me though it would feel like he was being rewarded for betraying his family and putting his wife into such a deep depression it feels there's no way out of it. I'm afraid if the words "it was worth it". I've been through emotional hell. I'll never feel that it was worth it.Another cheater from the compartmentalization camp here. It's been addressed pretty thoroughly so there's not much to add.
Shattered I will say that the future is not necessarily hopeless. As weird as it sounds and believe it or not the emotions my EA stirred in me I expressed to my wife while my EA was ongoing and have continued to since D day. I showed her more affection and felt a more romantic connection to her - despite the fact that I was neck deep in an EA. I know that sounds impossible and my wife still looks at me like I'm FOS (full of sh!t) when I say it, but it's the truth. The only way I can explain it is that my EA brought back to the surface feelings and needs that my wife and I had shared and met in the past and had fallen by the wayside as we had kids and so on. I didn't realize I missed them (and neither did my wife) until my EA re awoke them. Do I wish I could have figured all of this out and reestablished the connection we have today without a trip through infidelity? ABSOLUTELY!!! But it did help us to recognize that without realizing it we had been taking each other fore granted for several years and to refocus on why we got married in the first place.