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hello everyone, this is my first time ever posting on a forum. I am here in hopes of finding some advice. I have to admit I am afraid to share my story, all I am seeking is advice from other people who understand me...

I've been married for over a year now. My husband and I were engaged about 5 months into our relationship, I was 22 and still very naive. But I truly was in love and truly felt I had found my husband, a good Christian with morals and a desire to have a family and to serve God. We had about a year long engagement, both families were supportive. I knew they saw something genuine between us. We were both 22. 7 months after our wedding, there was a change in our relationship. We were arguing a lot. A recurring issue was his family, and the lack of privacy I felt that they gave us. I began seeing a change in him, and he was probably seeing a change in me too. This was ongoing for about 5 months until I reached a point when I thought it was over. I was confused and I did not understand what the sudden change was. I felt this awful, cold distance between my husband and I. I was unhappy and thought our love was dead. I worked with my brother-in-law at the time and we had an affair. I know it was VERY VERY VERY wrong of me to do so and I am completely ashamed and aware of the grave mistake I had made. He confined in me the day after our affair began that his brother, my husband, had been using heroine for months now and had gone to him for help to quit. I was baffled and I had absolutely no idea about his drug us. He had a history of drug use that I had no idea about before I got married as well. I was an emotional mess, I thought surely this was the end, But I decided to confront him about it and if he wanted to quit then I would help him. After long moments of denial, he finally confessed to it. I told him I would be there and help him but he could no longer lie to me. A couple of days passed, and I had proof that he had lied to me twice during his recovering time. I was done, and I told him we needed a separation. To this day, I feel like I had given up too soon on him. But that was said and done, he picked up his things the same day. And moved in with his brother. His brother would confine in me and tell me how my husband was doing, and our affair continued. About 2 weeks into our separation, his brother confessed to him about our affair and my husband confessed to him too about the affair he was having with his wife during his stay there. I promise you this is not made up, how I wish it was. The night I found out, something clicked inside of me and I couldn't bear to lose my husband. I drove to see him immediately. I did not love his brother and I had no intentions of being with him. But when I spoke with my husband, he said that things were probably not going to work out between us. He was very hurt.

I went the next day devastated and angry to retrieve divorce papers. I told him we could fill out the papers mutually and avoid a lot of hassle but he told me he did not want a divorce, to give him time to think. I became so angry and disturbed with what happened, I did not care what he had to say, I felt it was the right thing to do. I couldn't help but feel in my heart the urge to speak to a priest before I finalized the papers. The priest was very sincere about the situation and I told him everything, and how after all this ugly mess, I still had love for this man, my husband. He gave me hope and said things could work, it could take months for the wounds to heal. An annulment was an option but the last option. I decided to give it my all and make this work between us. That day I cut all my ties with his brother as we were still talking. The next weeks that followed was another roller coaster, I was emotionally unstable and I was at his beck and call in hopes that I wouldn't lose him. I had felt so guilty for what I had done and I cried and cried to him but he could not forgive me. He forgave his brother, but not me. He made me feel like I was the one to blame for the failure of our marriage, he never apologized to me for what he did. I was so eager to have him back, I did feel like he was right. Everything as you can imagine was very hard for the both of us to deal with. He wanted me to move in with him and his family of 7 to show how committed I was to making the relationship work and I did. We stayed there over 2 months. I finally convinced him to move out.

We both needed healing through our faith, hard to believe but we were at one point good Christians. And we were still severely damaged. Our commitment to our faith, ironically, is what attracted us the most to each other. He admits now how ugly and awful everything was and he is sorry for what he did. We both want to change and become better people.

While we were living together again, I was growing more and more insecure. I promised him honesty after I spoke to the priest and ended my communication with his brother and I did. He said what happened between him and the girl meant nothing and he was going to cut ties with her. I found out later that he was still talking to her at that time we were trying to work things out before I moved in with him. Although that was in the past, I am still hanging on to that and his problem with lying. Despite the trust issue, things were going well between us. 2 months ago, while everything seemed like it was going well, I found porn on his phone and honestly that was the last thing I was expecting from him. He was aware that I was using his phone and I was right next to him when I discovered it. I was shocked. Again I had no idea, and I became even more insecure about myself. I was so hurt. I felt like after all we went through, he was still cheating on me emotionally, lusting over other women. He admitted he had a history with porn. Now he's scared that I'm going to leave him. I can recognize his behavior because it is exactly how I was reacting when I thought he did not want to be with me. And now he is trying to do whatever he can for this relationship not to end. He tells me he does want to change and he wants to be a good husband for me and with the help of God, we could have happiness together.

at this point, I have no trust in him and the awkward situation that has evolved between the family members involved and the family members aware of the affair situation has made me completely avoid any of his family gatherings. His sister and his 2 aunts know about it and I don't blame them for hating me. At one point, I thought I found everything in him and now the last thing I want to do is have a child with him. I have thought about marriage counseling but honestly is it too late? is this a hopeless case?

Thank you for taking the time and reading this very long post, I would appreciate your advice
 

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Wow. You cheated on him with his brother? And he cheated on you with his brother's wife? What kind of people do that? I guess I don't really get what your question is. I don't really see this as a marriage that has much chance. All this cheating went on within months of getting married. I'd say, divorce, and try to stay single until you grow up enough to have a relationship.
 

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I have never heard of a heroin addict kick the addiction w/o rehab. so he is probably still using...and lying to you. You asked if we think it is too late to save your marriage. I think so.
 

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Your husband has an addictive personality.
If he is willing to get treatment and be transparent he can change.

You are both a real piece of work, so you might as well try to support each other.

dont get hung up on the porn just yet, I know its hard for a woman not to feel insecure about it, but there is a part of a mans brain that lights up from watching that, its more like an addiction, it does not mean he does not think your are hot.

if he will get treatment stay clean you guys could end up with somthing.

The family issue (affairs), how will the two of you ever move past that?

You both need to be able to live with what you agree about.
 
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