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Discussion Starter #1
My husband and I have been together for a long time. However:
  • I am exhausted of trying with his family and being cast out (it sucks because I have been with my husband longer than his brother has with the mother of his kid (fiancée ) ... she has called the cops on his brother - her fiancé - multiple times ... 😑).
  • I’m tired of being spoken to like trash (by my husband)
  • Althought I love my husband ... I just don’t feel like I want to be with him anymore.
  • feeling like everything is always my fault
  • feeling like I’m a horrible wife (my husband says things that make me feel as if im less than)
Overall he makes me happy and I genuinely still love him.

I feel even worse because I don’t know why I’m hated. I feel like once I became his wife his family has done a complete 180. Everything I do and do not do is questioned. If i want a child (we do not have children) and if so by when.

Is it wrong for me to want a divorce because of this? Is this just a phase or something that happens in every marriage?

Thank you 🙏 in advance for your advice/suggestions/input.
 

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  • I’m tired of being spoken to like trash (by my husband)
  • Althought I love my husband ... I just don’t feel like I want to be with him anymore.
  • feeling like everything is always my fault
  • feeling like I’m a horrible wife (my husband says things that make me feel as if im less than)
Overall he makes me happy
I'd sure hate to think about what your life would be like if he didn't "make you happy"........:oops:

The answer to your question, is yes, it does go on in other marriages. But it is usually not a "phase", it's something that happens in continuum. I'm guessing it has been going on for the "long time" you say you've been together ??
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I have been with my husband since high school (I was 15). When we were just dating it felt like his family tolerated me. They were nicer, spoke to me, acknowledge my presence if I was in the room (as in if i greeted them then they would greet me or vice versa) .

Now, we have been married for 10 years but I am getting really tired of the indifference and the questions. I hate when his family comes over because it always ends with us arguing, It feels like I’m under attack when they come. It’s extremely frustrating because it’s my home! I pay the bills and I’m being attacked, questioned, and made to feel like everything I do is not enough.

You stated it happens in “other marriages,” how do people cope or move past it? How does the partner or significant other help?

My husband doesn’t help in the situation since he adds fuel to the fire by agreeing with his family, degrading me when he speaks to me, and his attitude towards the situation.

We dated for 7 years and have been married for 10. I don‘t know if my reasons are sufficient. If this is not a “phase,” then how people move past this/conquer it ?
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I'd sure hate to think about what your life would be like if he didn't "make you happy"........:oops:

The answer to your question, is yes, it does go on in other marriages. But it is usually not a "phase", it's something that happens in continuum. I'm guessing it has been going on for the "long time" you say you've been together ??
Thank you so much for your reply
 

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My husband and I have been together for a long time. However:
  • I am exhausted of trying with his family and being cast out (it sucks because I have been with my husband longer than his brother has with the mother of his kid (fiancée ) ... she has called the cops on his brother - her fiancé - multiple times ... 😑).
  • I’m tired of being spoken to like trash (by my husband)
  • Althought I love my husband ... I just don’t feel like I want to be with him anymore.
  • feeling like everything is always my fault
  • feeling like I’m a horrible wife (my husband says things that make me feel as if im less than)
Overall he makes me happy and I genuinely still love him.

I feel even worse because I don’t know why I’m hated. I feel like once I became his wife his family has done a complete 180. Everything I do and do not do is questioned. If i want a child (we do not have children) and if so by when.

Is it wrong for me to want a divorce because of this? Is this just a phase or something that happens in every marriage?

Thank you 🙏 in advance for your advice/suggestions/input.
As strange as this is, it is not uncommon, especially is some Mid East and Indian cultures.

You don't have kids, her treats you badly, get out, and get a divorce.
 

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The next time your in-laws visit greet them at the door. Before you allow them inside say this to them “This is my home, I will not tolerate being disrespected here by anyone.” If they start arguing just close the door and walk back inside. Do not converse with them just keep repeating what I’ve told you. Under no circumstances should you do anything to make them welcome until you get an apology and a promise to behave in an appropriate manner.
As for your husband, tell him the same thing and then ask him does he want to stay married or would he prefer a divorce. Ask him can he pay the bills if you leave or would he prefer to leave himself.
This is the twenty first century, it’s not the seventeenth. You are an independent, intelligent woman and you should realize this and demand respect.
When it comes to toxic in-laws I could write a book.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
The next time your in-laws visit greet them at the door. Before you allow them inside say this to them “This is my home, I will not tolerate being disrespected here by anyone.” If they start arguing just close the door and walk back inside. Do not converse with them just keep repeating what I’ve told you. Under no circumstances should you do anything to make them welcome until you get an apology and a promise to behave in an appropriate manner.
As for your husband, tell him the same thing and then ask him does he want to stay married or would he prefer a divorce. Ask him can he pay the bills if you leave or would he prefer to leave himself.
This is the twenty first century, it’s not the seventeenth. You are an independent, intelligent woman and you should realize this and demand respect.
When it comes to toxic in-laws I could write a book.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I will try your suggestion. I’m concerned about how I will look to everyone else.
 

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I’m concerned about how I will look to everyone else.
Let everyone else worry about how they look to you.
@Pumpkingpie you’ve wasted years trying to be nice to these people and it hasn’t worked. Do you know that a strong sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result?
If something isn’t working then it’s time to try something else. Save being nice for people who deserve it.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Well, if they are already treating you like a b-word, maybe it's time to start acting the part...?
What's the harm if they already don't like you...? What are you going to lose??
That’s true. I never thought about it in that way. I try with my in-laws because I love my husband and eventually once we have kids, I wouldn’t want them to treat my children badly.

Thank you so much for giving me a different perspective. I appreciate your reply.
 

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That’s true. I never thought about it in that way. I try with my in-laws because I love my husband and eventually once we have kids, I wouldn’t want them to treat my children badly.

Thank you so much for giving me a different perspective. I appreciate your reply.
Well, it will be much more painful for your kids to watch them treating YOU (their mother) badly!!
You're welcome...remember, you DESERVE to be treated kindly and with respect! And maybe they need to be taught that you won't accept anything else.
Good luck!!!
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Let everyone else worry about how they look to you.
@Pumpkingpie you’ve wasted years trying to be nice to these people and it hasn’t worked. Do you know that a strong sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result?
If something isn’t working then it’s time to try something else. Save being nice for people who deserve it.
I appreciate your words. You have made great points and asked questions that I haven’t asked myself. Thank you for taking the time to read my situation. You’re right, I have years being nice and continue to do so in the hopes that things will change and the relationship can get better. I know how close my husband is to his family...so i try. But I am exhausted.
 

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The way your inlaws treat you doesn't concern me near as much as his lack of defense of you and it seems he jumps on you with them. Divorce him asap, and find out why you feel the need to have a$$hats like you.
 

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Why do you love a man who treats you like such crap? And I’m sorry but saying he makes you happy is you deluding yourself so you stay put and don’t have to go through the drama it takes too het out of your miserable situation.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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een with my husband longer t
I have been with my husband since high school (I was 15). When we were just dating it felt like his family tolerated me. They were nicer, spoke to me, acknowledge my presence if I was in the room (as in if i greeted them then they would greet me or vice versa) .

Now, we have been married for 10 years but I am getting really tired of the indifference and the questions. I hate when his family comes over because it always ends with us arguing, It feels like I’m under attack when they come. It’s extremely frustrating because it’s my home! I pay the bills and I’m being attacked, questioned, and made to feel like everything I do is not enough.

You stated it happens in “other marriages,” how do people cope or move past it? How does the partner or significant other help?

My husband doesn’t help in the situation since he adds fuel to the fire by agreeing with his family, degrading me when he speaks to me, and his attitude towards the situation.

We dated for 7 years and have been married for 10. I don‘t know if my reasons are sufficient. If this is not a “phase,” then how people move past this/conquer it ?

You pay the bills? What does he do?
What do they attack you about?
Why would you have to put up with that disrespect and lack of care and love?
Any man who puts his family before his wife is not worth remaining married to.
Kick his ass to the kerb, get a good lawyer and leave him for dust.

Please remember you teach people how to treat you. the more you take it the worse it will be, you sound quite strong, put a stop to this.
This is not going to get better, your H and your inlaws sound like trash!
Go get a good lawyer.
 

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Thank you for taking the time to reply. I will try your suggestion. I’m concerned about how I will look to everyone else.
Why do you care how it will look. Stand up for yourself, you are worth so much more than being treated like this. If you cannot do it now, get some counselling or therapy to build your self esteem first then deal with them.
 

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You need to stop putting up with this, and yes, you are allowing your husband and in-laws to walk all over you. It's time to stand up for yourself and put your foot down.

I think you also need to take off the rose colored glasses. You cannot have a great, happy marriage with a husband like this. Those are not the actions of a loving man.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
The way your inlaws treat you doesn't concern me near as much as his lack of defense of you and it seems he jumps on you with them. Divorce him asap, and find out why you feel the need to have a$$hats like you.
I think he’s just going through a lot. He isn’t working and having to constantly be at home because of the quarantine and the coronavirus ... I think this gets to him also.
 
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