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I started reading some posts on this site and instead of looking for a similar situation as mine decided to just post. Thank you all for reading this.

To understand my current issue, you must understand my history. My wife has a history of emotional affairs; she confessed she had one when she was married to her ex-husbend when we met and several with me. The first was during a very rough patch in our relationship and while i found some very sexual text messages, she claims it was never physical. During this incident I found out she had a year prior (when our relationship was ok) had a brief flirting with a co-worker. We managed to patch up our relationship to the point where we got married and bought our first home together. I still remember how it felt when i finally forgave her and began trusting her again. The feeling of love was so strong.

Anyways, that love set me up for a great fall. My work ipad was synced to our itunes account. A imessage was received from my neighbor (i thought was a friend) asking how she has been, and her responding with "sorry it has been so long, i have been busy". I never found any more evidence, she covered her tracks well. But after considering those few messages for a week while my insides were torn to pieces I knew that I was right. When I accused her of cheating on me with the neighbor my conviction was so strong she just confessed to an inappropriate sexting relationship. She tried to make it sound like it was a one time mistake that lead to him pursuing her and she didnt know how to make it stop. I wanted to believe her but in the months afterwards in my healing process of asking her questions she let it slip that the sexting was selfish of her and she should have been thinking of me and the kids. I take this as she enjoyed it, misses it, and only guilt for her kids made her stop.

This was about a year ago. Finally I started to feel like I was forgiving here and moving on. I have had my doubts and some inklings over this last year but I passed it off as me just learning to trust again from being destroyed. Which brings me to where I need advice.

A few days ago I just had an overwhelming urge to look on her phone and read her Facebook. I am barely on facebook myself and she has always said she mostly likes to read what is on the community. I immediately notice that she posted a photo at a time of day that she should be running errands, picking up our child from daycare, or going to the gym. It is not a time of day that should normally would be posting selfies (this is rare, she has few posts). In addition to this facebook post, this is a night she was at the gym until 6:30pm, she gets off work at 3:30. But then I dig further. She has a bunch of work friends, male and female commenting how beautiful she looks with a bunch of likes. She never talks about work friends, only one. She makes it sound like she only every spoke with 1 co-worker. I find out that her friend list is private (I am not a friend despite my request) and she does not display a marital status. I also discover that one of her co-worker is a twenty something male. She has NEVER mentioned that since 2015 she has been working around him. I even found a casual message on messenger between him and her. It is innocent (personal to him) but it looks like beginning of the conversation was either deleted, or was started in person. I just cant get over never hearing about his existence. For the past month or so she has been really focused on going to the gym, I now wonder if it was for different reasons.

I apologize for the rambling, I usually a better writer than this. I don't think i have it in me to do a full investigation and bide my time. I don't want to be the over jealous type and watch her every move, what is the point of a marriage if this is necessary? Even with such little evidence I feel so crushed and sick to my stomach. Am I blowing this way out of proportion?

Should I just take her phone right in front of her and go through it?
 

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Re: Social Media & Co-Workers

Why would you take her phone from her? You know what is happening.

This woman has had multiple affairs. I think it is abundantly clear she's incapable of fidelity.

I would bet a substantial sum of money that at least one of these has gone physical.

Look, man... the knee-jerk reaction in a situation like this is to try and force her to stop. But really, who wants to have to be their wife's jailer? I know I don't. I would just simply accept that I am not enough for her, and set her free.

Lastly, one of the major mistakes betrayed spouses make is to somehow find irrefutable, beyond-a-reasonable- doubt proof. You know enough. Don't make yourself crazy trying to find more.
 

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I have just been through this, I will lay this out straight for ya, either you accept that she is easy and going to end up fluffing some random behind your back while you are busily worrying about where the future is heading.

In stead of having all this knowledge that she has been getting off on other guys chasing her and doing nothing about it, why don't you make a solid choice to either accept it and live with it, or end it and make a new life for yourself without the baggage of a wife who can't be content with her husband.

Look at my back story in my posts, my thread will tell you where I was and where I am now.

You should read it and get some ideas, she is not a faithful wife, your marriage is over, whether you like it or not.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Well do you guys think that evidence could have any ground? I mean that is no smoking gun. I'm just tore up because she always makes it sound like she doesn't like her job nut won't quit. Then I find she friends him and DMs him at least once while I don't even know he exists. Is her history enough to justify me being very upset?
 

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Just an update like some of you posted; she denied everything. Instead of friending me on Facebook she deleted it and accused me of being controlling. Is it really that much to expect your wife to friend you and changer relationship status? I want to believe her but her actions are terrible.
 

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Forget for a moment what she says. What do her actions tell you?
 

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Just an update like some of you posted; she denied everything. Instead of friending me on Facebook she deleted it and accused me of being controlling. Is it really that much to expect your wife to friend you and changer relationship status? I want to believe her but her actions are terrible.
Let the gaslighting begin. Accusing you of being controlling is her only out when you have caught her crossing boundaries she shouldn't have. This is script, your whole story is repeated hundreds of times in these forums and the end result is almost always the same. Those betrayed spouses (BS)who act with conviction have a chance, those who second guess and give chance after chance suffer over and over again.
See a lawyer, find out where you stand legally. Unless you live in a state that accounts for adultery in divorce (their aren't many), you already have enough proof to know she is doing you wrong. You don't need to convince anyone. The faster and harder you come down on her the better the odds of snapping her out of her selfishness (a.k.a. The Fog). Then you can decide if you want to try to reconcile with a serial cheater or move on and start a new happier trusting relationship with someone else. Best of luck my friend.

ETA: You do realize that deleting her facebook account is tantamount to destroying the evidence so you won't find it right? That wasn't for you, that was for her, and she will likely create a new account and block you so you never know.
 

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Yeah, because going nuclear and deleting her account means that you can't read a thing she's posted. But she can gaslight you and call it controlling her.

Not friending your husband on FB? Big, red flag.

Let her go. She's not yours anyway, you just occasionally get a turn.
 

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I won't be committing to a woman who uses Facebook or any other means of social media again. Ever. Not my kind of person.

Your wife is full of ****, OP. Why would you put yourself through this time and time again? Just why?
 

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Your wife is cheating on you continuously and you are putting up with it.Either accept life as a cuckold or do something about it.Judging by your replies I can guess what you will do. Do you believe every piece of crap she tells you?
 
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Your wife is addicted to attention from men. It's an illness that will not go away on its own. Even with therapy it might never go away, and it doesn't sound like she even at the point where recognizes she has a problem.

Divorce her now and save yourself years of misery. Find a woman who is secure in herself and looking for a monagamous relationship. There are plenty.
 

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When someone plays the "controlling" card it means they have nothing else in their hand.
 

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If you want to know, do the 180 hard immediately. File for divorce, have her served at work. List the reason as adultery and list the names of all said EA partners. Only talk about kids, all other contact go through your lawyer only. Set up a polygraph test, have your lawyer write a letter and delivered via messenger to her at work. Letter states she has twenty four hours to take the polygraph. Failure of polygraph is immediate grounds for separation and divorce. Protect yourself, separate finances, and go dark.
 
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Re: Social Media & Co-Workers

Why would you take her phone from her? You know what is happening.

This woman has had multiple affairs. I think it is abundantly clear she's incapable of fidelity.

I would bet a substantial sum of money that at least one of these has gone physical.

Look, man... the knee-jerk reaction in a situation like this is to try and force her to stop. But really, who wants to have to be their wife's jailer? I know I don't. I would just simply accept that I am not enough for her, and set her free.

Lastly, one of the major mistakes betrayed spouses make is to somehow find irrefutable, beyond-a-reasonable- doubt proof. You know enough. Don't make yourself crazy trying to find more.
Pretty much sums up what I think.

I was going to post about the work environment and my experiences but after reading the OP, this wife has serious problems that need professional help.

There are regular everyday infidelity dangers but this wife is messed up!
 
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