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My husband just left me. Married only 5 years, three kids, only one is his, he is 4. He has been having an affair for 4 months. I am a wreck. He stated that due to my mistreatment of him over the years, he doesn't know if he can love me enough again to make it work. The last three weeks I believed we really turned it around. I had owned how I made him feel and loved him and showed him love like never before and he was excited and said we were going forward. Then today he comes home crying, because I have been so loving he felt guilty that he's having an affair. I feel destroyed. He left saying he needs space.
 

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Cheating and having an affair are never justified, but there could be some truth to his complaints that you have mistreated him, and it was very brave and painful for you (I'm sure) to admit that you made mistakes and to work so hard to treat him better and turn things around was admirable.

Would you be willing to continue working on your treatment of him, despite the affair if he were willing to cut off all ties with his affair and work on things as well?

Perhaps the reason he said he needed space was that while you were acting poorly, he didn't feel so bad having the affair because in his mind it somewhat justified it, but when you turned the tables and showed him that you were made of the right stuff and willing to put the love and energy back in the marriage, he finally realized that he no longer had an 'excuse' or 'justification' for the affair.

AND now he's not sure what he wants. He probably almost wanted things the way they were, being able to lay the blame on you for his affair, but you've taken that away from him....

So give him some space....and continue to be kind and sweet to him if he does contact you and/or want to see the kids and in the meantime try to figure out if you would be willing to reconcile.

Perhaps some marriage counseling should be a condition of reconciling?

Sorry (((((hugs))))) I would be devastated if my hubby had an affair, so I can't really put myself in your shoes
 
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