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so now what..

8K views 39 replies 24 participants last post by  shattered man 
.I look into my wifes eyes and cant imagine any other woman in my life.....yes what she did is horrendous but i still love her. .....

Shattered man, I'm going to gently grab you by your lapels pull you toward my face , look into your eyes, and say these words to you. Listen carefully. Very carefully.

You cannot, I said CANNOT love anyone at the moment. Nobody. Here's why.

Love, true love, enduring love, is capable of being given ONLY by someone who first loves themselves. Yes themselves. If you don't love yourself, then what you do have toward this woman is not love. Not at all. What you have is a need to be needed. A need to be wanted. A need to be accepted. And when I say 'need' I mean a very deep desire like no other. This is NOT love.

A person that loves themselves is very capable of bestowing love on another. True love. But a person that loves themselves honors themselves (not in an arrogant way). A person that loves themselves respects themselves and rebukes those that do not respect them.

Shattered this is not you my brother. But it CAN be you. You should examine your conscience and see if what I'm saying makes sense. If it does work to better yourself. There are countless ways of doing so. If it doesn't then continue on your path.

Straighten out your lapels and ponder what I've said.
 
Shattered, a few more thoughts in case you insist you love this woman. If you truly love this woman. Then you want her to be happy no? Why don't you test yourself and see if you have real love for her.

See if you are capable of saying this to her:

"Wife, my love for you is endless. Because I love you the most important thing for me is to know you are happy. It is painful for me to acknowledge your unhappiness with me. It saddens and hurts me in ways you cannot imagine. But because I love you I'm willing to let you go and find happiness in your own way. So I'll make the painful choice to grant you a divorce. Please respect our time together as we part."

Can't say this can you. A deep enduring love for this woman would allow you if not compel you to say these words.
 
Exercise. Do one or two hours of brisk walking after supper. Take your ipod or phone and listen to music or podcasts of favorite but boring subjects. Business news, NPR, movie reviews etc. Take a warm shower when you get home.
 
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