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Ive posted the story before.....so i wont re hash that again.....its been roughly 2 weeks since we had our last all out divorce fight...where she agreed she had to make sure there was no doubt about wanting a divorce so we "she" is working thru her feelings.....we sleep in the same bed...we talk......I say I love you she says I know and thank you.....I miss her .....its like we are 1000000 miles apart from each other when sitting int eh same room.......now ive found that shes changed passwords to both landline and cell phone accounts...when confronted she said those were her last things of privacy that she has and i need to trust her...really......so here i sit ready to go to counciling session #2 and wondering if im spinning my wheels......she seems to care...sometimes.....and other times seems cold and rigid.....her affair partner swears that he is working on his own relationship and has no interests what so ever with my wife.......nothing i can do but try to believe her at this point right? she holds the cards. how long do i wait and see......how long can it take a person to crack the door to their heart and let a person who LOVES them back in.....18 years..we had together she cheats and im the one holding on for dear life......yes im weak and pathetic...but i love her.....i cried out int he garage the otehr day because of a song that come on that reminded me of her...she caught me crying and said knock it off and walked away.......is that a sign im missing....am i so messed up that my common sense has disappeared and im missing the big picture.....maybe I need to go.....my kids will forgive me one day i pray.....is there an success stories out there.....
 

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have you read this? if not please do...
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

you can get thru this... you will be ok..it may seem like the end of the world, but really its not, life will go on and you will be happy again....

I dont know your whole story just yet, but do not under any circumstance let her see you cry, do not beg, plead with her, it just dosent work (been there) if you do, it makes you look weak in her eyes..think about that...others will be jumping in real soon with better advice than I can give you....

sorry you are here.
 

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Sorry for what you are going through. I sucks, clearly.

No you should not leave your home and your children. If anyone leaves it need to be her, without the children. Tell her that if she wants out of the marriage then fine, she can go but she is not taking the children with her.

See an attorney ASAP to make sure you know your state laws about what rights a parent has to prevent the other from taking the child out of their home.

You are right that it’s wrong that she is the one who cheated and here you are the one hanging on for your life. You need to find a way to change this around.

Are the land line and cell accounts in her name only? If your name are on them then you have the legal right to access to the accounts. Just call up the companies and get their help in changing the password.
The response to her saying that she changed them and you have to trust her is that her changing those shows that she is not trust worthy. Thus you do not trust her. That she has to do things, like be totally open, give you all her passwords and to all of her accounts, etc. Why? Because she has to prove every day now that she can be trusted.

It takes 2-5 years for the betrayed spouse to recover from the affair. She needs to be helping you recover and to prove that she can be trusted. Instead she is acting like she is entitled to cheat.

Have you considered putting a keystroke logger on her computer so that you can see what she’s up to? You could get the password that way and then see what she is hiding.
 

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"i cried out int he garage the otehr day because of a song that come on that reminded me of her...she caught me crying and said knock it off and walked away......."

After Dday#2 and NC had been established and Even in those first few weeks when my wife was still in love with the OM, if I cried, she had compassion for me and held me. She ALWAYS had compassion for me.

I can't imagine hearing my wife say to me what yours did to you. That is COLD, and YES it's a sign a BIG FAT HUGE SIGN that she doesn't care and I bet she is still in contact with the OM or she is having sever withdraw.

EleGirl is right, Time to snoop!
 

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So when are you filing?

She shows zero empathy for you man. I was in that boat, if it doesn't affect me in a bad way, I don't give an "F" what happens to you. Man up and suck it up, you being a little baby is getting on my nerves.

See how it goes, everything is still her, her, her.

BTW, when you file, she more than likely will pour on the croc tears, don't fall for it, it'll be tempting but until she really changes you stay on target with what you want.
 

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Ive posted the story before.....so i wont re hash that again.....its been roughly 2 weeks since we had our last all out divorce fight...where she agreed she had to make sure there was no doubt about wanting a divorce so we "she" is working thru her feelings.....we sleep in the same bed...we talk......I say I love you she says I know and thank you.....I miss her .....its like we are 1000000 miles apart from each other when sitting int eh same room.......now ive found that shes changed passwords to both landline and cell phone accounts...when confronted she said those were her last things of privacy that she has and i need to trust her...really......so here i sit ready to go to counciling session #2 and wondering if im spinning my wheels......she seems to care...sometimes.....and other times seems cold and rigid.....her affair partner swears that he is working on his own relationship and has no interests what so ever with my wife.......nothing i can do but try to believe her at this point right? she holds the cards. how long do i wait and see......how long can it take a person to crack the door to their heart and let a person who LOVES them back in.....18 years..we had together she cheats and im the one holding on for dear life......yes im weak and pathetic...but i love her.....i cried out int he garage the otehr day because of a song that come on that reminded me of her...she caught me crying and said knock it off and walked away.......is that a sign im missing....am i so messed up that my common sense has disappeared and im missing the big picture.....maybe I need to go.....my kids will forgive me one day i pray.....is there an success stories out there.....
Wow, I can't come up with a soft way to say this so I'm going to try a different approach.

Who do you love? Do you love a perception or reality? Look at what your wife is REALLY doing here and more importantly what's in her head to lead her to it. She cheated, then she's not sure if she wants YOU (because you're so PATHETIC and worthless that she can hang you out and bring you in when it's convenient) She can treat you like garbage AFTER tearing your heart out. SHow you utter contempt and lack of respect when you're hurting the most. Yeah sounds like a GREAT wife. If your father died, she'd console you by shooting your dog.

Dude, let her go. More importantly let your PERCEPTION of her go. That's what is messing with your head. Your kids will survive and just dedicate your energy to YOURSELF first and then your kids. Fix you. Find yourself again. You've become a shriveled up shell.
 

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Ive posted the story before.....so i wont re hash that again.....its been roughly 2 weeks since we had our last all out divorce fight...where she agreed she had to make sure there was no doubt about wanting a divorce so we "she" is working thru her feelings.....we sleep in the same bed...we talk......I say I love you she says I know and thank you.....I miss her .....its like we are 1000000 miles apart from each other when sitting int eh same room.......now ive found that shes changed passwords to both landline and cell phone accounts...when confronted she said those were her last things of privacy that she has and i need to trust her...really......so here i sit ready to go to counciling session #2 and wondering if im spinning my wheels......she seems to care...sometimes.....and other times seems cold and rigid.....her affair partner swears that he is working on his own relationship and has no interests what so ever with my wife.......nothing i can do but try to believe her at this point right? she holds the cards. how long do i wait and see......how long can it take a person to crack the door to their heart and let a person who LOVES them back in.....18 years..we had together she cheats and im the one holding on for dear life......yes im weak and pathetic...but i love her.....i cried out int he garage the otehr day because of a song that come on that reminded me of her...she caught me crying and said knock it off and walked away.......is that a sign im missing....am i so messed up that my common sense has disappeared and im missing the big picture.....maybe I need to go.....my kids will forgive me one day i pray.....is there an success stories out there.....
She has no interest in staying with you at this point. At this point, she is simply tolerating your presence. The only thing she's "working through" is how long she has to keep up this charade of "thinking about things" which is actually nothing more than her getting her affairs in order so she can leave (or keeping you on the backburner while she decides if she really wants the other man) and letting you down as easy as she can.

Why are you sleeping in the same bed with a woman who is spreading for someone else?

Why was she not out on her azz in the cold the second she secured her phone and accounts with a passowrd?

Why are you crying around her? You shouldn't even be near her.

You are displaying yourself as an incredibly weak person that has no sense of self worth to her. She KNOWS what she's doing is very much worth of getting kicked to the curb and divorced. She KNOWS you should be doing that. And you're not. And she detests you for it.

She's supposed to be your woman. To protect from evil and from other men. And you have shown a complete inability and unwillingness to do so. Sorry, brutal time pal, but no wonder she's screwing someone else.

And she is, right now, screwing this other guy. And then coming home to you. She thinks she can lay in the marital bed with another mans semen in her because you allow it. Because she sees you as weak and pathetic.

Until you stop allowing it, it will continue. And you'll get more and more crushed every day.

You have but one chance. One. Kick her out, change the locks, and secure marital assets so she can't get to it and blow it on a good time with her other guy.

Do you really want to be her backup plan? Until you show her you're not anyones backup plan, that's all you'll ever be to her...at best.

You've done a lot of damage by allowing this. You may not be able to recover from it. But if there's a chance you can, you'd better start now.

It should be HER asking these questions about YOU! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!
 

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You love to much!

Sorry bro your old lady has your number and uses it every chance she can. Until you stop this " I love you" crap and start showing her some confidence in your self with regards to letting her go, she will continue to walk all over you.

Even a complete stranger could walk up to you while you cry and ask you if you are ok......but this women you love wlakes up to you and tells you to stop.........THATS JUST PHUCKED UP IN SO MANY WAYS!!!!!!!!!!

"SO NOW WHAT" ok I'll quit shouting if you quit being a door mat for this women. Start by stop telling her you love her, stop begging for her, and stop crying. START to work out, get a hair cut, work on making your self more attractive (chicks dig confident men).

The sooner you feel better about your self and distance your self from this toxic women the better off you will be. Start spending more time with the kids with out there mom and be there for them.

Your kids diserve a strong and stable father cuz there mother sound like a nut. While you work on your self spending time with the kids will also keep you grounded.

Face it there mother is so involved with her new boyfriend...these kids need someone! And that someone is you....if for any thing get your self together for them if no one else.
 

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i cried out int he garage the otehr day because of a song that come on that reminded me of her...she caught me crying and said knock it off and walked away.......is that a sign im missing....
That's what she thinks of you. It's not a sign. She's telling you openly she just doesn't give a damm.
You are not more than an abstacle.

The "privacy" is bullsh1t. And the landmine? It not your house too?
The entitlement, the disrespect is unbeliable.

I'm so sorry man. Detach.
Don't tell her you love her anymore.
 

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so now what?
read the guildelines, read your first thread.
Make the hard decission even it hurts. Follow the path.

Let her go.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
I read the responses.......I look into my wifes eyes and cant imagine any other woman in my life.....yes what she did is horrendous but i still love her. We all make mistakes.....at this point Ive decided i will either die in her arms....or die at her feet.....but i have to try to get her back.....call me weak pathetic whatever you choose....last night we had a sort of date night......went to a movie together...came home and made love and caressed each other until we fell asleep....i know shes as confused as i am right now.......but hopefully it was a step in the right direction.....she gave me the passwords freely and said she understood if i needed to check on her.....i havent yet.....so many conflicting messages.....feelings etc.......today so far it feel like our family is "home'...keep praying to god he brings us back together that he brings her back to me.....every night hte same prayer Dear God Please bring her back to me......
 

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Every post here is correct. Stop being her partner. Pick yourself up off the floor NOW, and start living the life that you deserve. Your life!
 

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.I look into my wifes eyes and cant imagine any other woman in my life.....yes what she did is horrendous but i still love her. .....

Shattered man, I'm going to gently grab you by your lapels pull you toward my face , look into your eyes, and say these words to you. Listen carefully. Very carefully.

You cannot, I said CANNOT love anyone at the moment. Nobody. Here's why.

Love, true love, enduring love, is capable of being given ONLY by someone who first loves themselves. Yes themselves. If you don't love yourself, then what you do have toward this woman is not love. Not at all. What you have is a need to be needed. A need to be wanted. A need to be accepted. And when I say 'need' I mean a very deep desire like no other. This is NOT love.

A person that loves themselves is very capable of bestowing love on another. True love. But a person that loves themselves honors themselves (not in an arrogant way). A person that loves themselves respects themselves and rebukes those that do not respect them.

Shattered this is not you my brother. But it CAN be you. You should examine your conscience and see if what I'm saying makes sense. If it does work to better yourself. There are countless ways of doing so. If it doesn't then continue on your path.

Straighten out your lapels and ponder what I've said.
 

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No, you have this wrong. Trust me, I KNOW what you are feeling but you are wrong this time. The woman that you loved has left the building and she is not comming back. Now you can waste alot of energy and money and mental craziness and be like me or, you can take the short cut to a new cool life.I was just like you. In every way shape and form. But here is the deal, she has moved on, she will not remember you next week, she is not worth one tear or one WHY, WHAT DID I DO WRONG? It does not matter, what does matter is YOU. You are recieving a gift, the gift of a REALLY GREAT NEW LIFE. You can change everything about yourself and meet some very interesting people in this new life and do some incredible things that you could not do before....but you have to let you old life go and start a new one.
 

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God isn't going to do a damn thing for you. If you don't get a grip on yourself, and start acting in your own best interest, your marriage is over. You aren't going to win back your wife by being a doormat, by failing to respect yourself, by allowing her to flagrantly disregard the vows you took together.

You think your case is special? That somehow you and/or your wife have something that makes your situation unique? No, there is nothing different, you are playing out the same old script as everyone else. You can't nice her into being a better person. She has to become a better person by her choice. No consequences means no respect, means why choose the hard path, you will allow her to abuse your trust and emotions at little to no cost.

Read the stories man, stand up for yourself, no one else can!
 

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Shattered, a few more thoughts in case you insist you love this woman. If you truly love this woman. Then you want her to be happy no? Why don't you test yourself and see if you have real love for her.

See if you are capable of saying this to her:

"Wife, my love for you is endless. Because I love you the most important thing for me is to know you are happy. It is painful for me to acknowledge your unhappiness with me. It saddens and hurts me in ways you cannot imagine. But because I love you I'm willing to let you go and find happiness in your own way. So I'll make the painful choice to grant you a divorce. Please respect our time together as we part."

Can't say this can you. A deep enduring love for this woman would allow you if not compel you to say these words.
 
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