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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My 16 year old was in his room with his girlfriend for a couple hours. Door open but we weren't checking on them. When they came down he was doing something that put his hands next to my face. And I smelled the distinct scent of, errr, aroused female. Ya, 16 and his fingers.....

My god boy, at least wash your hands.

So what is the appropriate response?
 

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Well what kind of smell are we talking about here? If it smelled bad, like a fishy smell, Id be more concerned that she might have an std and could possibly give it to your son. Regardless, I'd still pull him aside and just remind him of how important it is to use condoms, and educate him on all the different types of stds if you haven't already done so.

As far as his hands smelling like lady parts, I probably wouldnt mention anything about it. What are you going to say... "eww your fingers smell like vagina!". Thats just going to be awkward and embarrassing. Id just let it go.

And yea its probably not a good idea to leave them in the bedroom alone together, even if the door is open... because chances are, the first time they have a minute alone together, theyre going to be messing around. Of course you can't control your kids ALL the time... but that doesnt mean you need to make it easy for them to do stuff like this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
It smelled fine, like an aroused vagina normally smells. Not fishy. And it's too late about not mentioning it. Cause the first thing I said (right in front of my wife and his girlfriend) was 'bring those hands back here. Is that what I think it is'? Flew over my wife's head but the girlfriend was mortified. All he could say is 'well I'm not going to deny it'.
 

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He's a bold little one. If he's not even gonna deny... then no girls allowed, lol. Oh sh1t, this is me in less than a decade.

And atleast you know it was his fingers not something else.
 

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I like the responses about not having girls in the bedroom!
That's not the only place teenagers have sex. If they want it they'll find a way.
Sex is a part of life, a part of growing up. You dealt with it fine, pretty much the way we would have in our house. (I have two boys 18 and 16).
Instead of expecting teenagers not to engage in sexual activity, we all need to be realistic. Talk to him about being respectful and treating girls the right way. If they are having sex make sure he's using condoms and she's on the pill. If this is an age appropriate relationship and they are both willing parties then expecting them not to engage in sexual activity is pretty naive ( not meaning you OP).
 

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My wife and I have two teenage daughters (16 &17) and we have a "No Boyfriends Upstairs" rule. My daughters are encouraged to bring their boyfriends home and we did allow one to stay the night (on the sofa) when the snow was heavy earlier in the year. We have all ready said that the reverse will apply to our sons as they get older.

As for the levels of intermercy that teenagers will share that is out of our control. If they want to find somewhere private they will whether it be a friends house or the back seat of the cinema / a car parked in lovers lane. All we can do as parents is hope that our children listen to the advice / warnings we give.
 

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I'd sit both of them down and have a chat. Maybe bring in the GFs parents too. Just be open about it with the bottom line of, if you're making adult choices & decisions, make sure they're informed and safe.

Let them ask questions. It'll take a while to get past the mortified part, but if you act calm about it, they will be too. There's no such thing as too much correct information you can give them. Better to know they're getting true info, than crap from their peers that may not be true.

I'm not saying you should allow them up in the room with the door locked, but they're going to find a way. Just make sure they're being smart, and to be a little more discreet.
 

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I'd sit both of them down and have a chat. Maybe bring in the GFs parents too. Just be open about it with the bottom line of, if you're making adult choices & decisions, make sure they're informed and safe.

Let them ask questions. It'll take a while to get past the mortified part, but if you act calm about it, they will be too. There's no such thing as too much correct information you can give them. Better to know they're getting true info, than crap from their peers that may not be true.

I'm not saying you should allow them up in the room with the door locked, but they're going to find a way. Just make sure they're being smart, and to be a little more discreet.
I like this approach.
 

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I'd sit both of them down and have a chat. Maybe bring in the GFs parents too. Just be open about it with the bottom line of, if you're making adult choices & decisions, make sure they're informed and safe.

Let them ask questions. It'll take a while to get past the mortified part, but if you act calm about it, they will be too. There's no such thing as too much correct information you can give them. Better to know they're getting true info, than crap from their peers that may not be true.

I'm not saying you should allow them up in the room with the door locked, but they're going to find a way. Just make sure they're being smart, and to be a little more discreet.
Can you imagine calling the girl's father and telling him that you've just smelled his daughter's vagina on your son's hands? Talk about the most uncomfortable phone call ever.
 

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Can you imagine calling the girl's father and telling him that you've just smelled his daughter's vagina on your son's hands? Talk about the most uncomfortable phone call ever.
Heh, well, I'd think it'd be more like "if you haven't had a good sex talk with XXXX, now's a good time. I was going to sit both of them down, would you like to be involved?"
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Can you imagine calling the girl's father and telling him that you've just smelled his daughter's vagina on your son's hands? Talk about the most uncomfortable phone call ever.
Haha. Um, no. That won't be happening. I'd be a bit concerned for my son's physical safety after that conversation.
 

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Make it a consequence. You did something you knew better, so you get no girl in your room for 3 months. Then, revisit it at that point and go through all the possible ramifications of getting her pregnant - no college, no good job, no sleep, her family beating him up, YOU beating him up...

And then ask him if you can now trust him to know better.
 

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My 16 year old was in his room with his girlfriend for a couple hours. Door open but we weren't checking on them. When they came down he was doing something that put his hands next to my face. And I smelled the distinct scent of, errr, aroused female. Ya, 16 and his fingers.....

My god boy, at least wash your hands.

So what is the appropriate response?
Well, we have a rule that hands get washed in the a.m. before going into the kitchen, because of what people do with themselves in bed, ya know. So if you institute this rule, he will get the idea that it applies to other times and situations as well. Too funny though.

I would not say anything directly, but maybe within the next few days it can come up as a morning type of topic, with the general discussion of how you'd feel more comfortable if everyone could wash up in the morning prior to coming into common space.

I don't like that you inadvertently but still did give them privacy, and then you invaded the girl's privacy who was a guest in your home. And made her feel mortified. Maybe her family has a different opinion about sexual exploration between teen couples, and since you did let them go in the room and you failed to check on them...it's like you were implicitly giving them privacy. I would feel betrayed and confused. You are going to get a rep as the weird parents who let the kids mess around and then outed them... this will go down in history...no girl is going to want to date your son if this gets out. I would apologize and accept responsibility for giving them privacy without being explicit about the rules.

Chances are all they did was feel each other up. If you don't want them to do that, you need to sit down and discuss it. But they are going to do it, just not at your house.
 

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It smelled fine, like an aroused vagina normally smells. Not fishy. And it's too late about not mentioning it. Cause the first thing I said (right in front of my wife and his girlfriend) was 'bring those hands back here. Is that what I think it is'? Flew over my wife's head but the girlfriend was mortified. All he could say is 'well I'm not going to deny it'.
LOLOLOLOL!!! Your kid is a stud! The appropriate response is to make sure he knows about safe sex and about good hand hygiene because it sounds like this is something he is going to be doing...
 

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I would definitely talk about STD's and the importance of using condoms every single time. It's merely impossible to stop these kids from having sex. They will skip class or sports after class and find a place to do the deed in their cars, outside, anywhere private.

I copied and printed a list of STD's for my oldest when she was 17. I highlighted all the incurable std's and we discussed each one. Then we discussed how important sex is in a relationship and how one should wait.

Not only that, teen pregnancy is much higher now then it was when you were in high school. Especially with these TV programs endorsing teen sex like teen mom, pregnant at 16 and the secret life of an American teenager.:/
 

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Yeah, make sure he has access and information about condoms.

I think saying what you did was pretty hard on the girl. I can't imagine she'll be wanting to come over any time soon, so maybe you won't be needing to worry about them being in your son's room.

My boyfriend started staying over when we were 18. My parents made sure I was informed about birth control and left it at that. He's my husband now.
 
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