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I will give you her perspective honestly. You see I was your wife. I cheated on my husband for over a year so I have a unique perspective on your situation. My husband is a stay at home dad so had to be at the house every day. We would alternate weeks staying at the house at night. I asked for the separation. He asked me once to stay and work out the issues (he suspected an affair but wasn't 100% sure). I said no and he moved on with his life. I came crawling back to him 2 months later. DDay was mid-September and I am still groveling. We are living together though he has not decided if he wants to stay married to me - can't blame him.
All of this 180 stuff, well, it is honestly the hardest but best advice you are going to get. If you want a chance at saving your marriage, listen to me because I was your wife. YOU NEED TO DUMP HER!
My husband never let me see the pain he was going through during our separation. I only saw him in passing, going out with friends, having fun, etc. Yes, that is attractive - we want strong men, not pathetic men. I'm not saying your pathetic, I'm just saying that is what your wife will see. She may not even realize it, but she sees you as weak which for women = not attractive.
Will she start or continue the affair. Probably, but she will anyway. The affair will not last - they rarely do because they are not based in reality. You have to let her go and not show her you are devastated. I believe if my husband had not moved on, I may have never really seen the man I fell in love with and married. Thank God he did – at least I have a chance at trying to win him back.
We tell our children to do the right thing, even when it’s the hard thing.

Good luck!
 
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