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5 Posts
I have been with my partner for 9 years and am 33 years old.
Our relationship started out badly. His flat mate was actually his ex girlfriend who he had only broke up with 3 weeks prior to asking me out, she did move out shortly after, so basically our relationship started out with lies and cheating. I honestly thought it was his flatmate, as I didn't go to his place at the begining.
I won't go into all the details but in a nutshell 5 mths into our relationship I found out he was sleeping with his ex and lying to me for that long. After finding this out it emotionally ruined me, as I was head over heels in love with him. Stupid me stayed and the lies continued for several more months about cutting contact. We moved in together in a new apartment a few months later.
Theres too many details but lets just say it took me about 2 years to get over it, and even then it would still pop into my mind regularly.
Fast forward and another time I caught him online messaging other women on a more adult version of fb. He had even given his personal email to a girl 10 years younger and was emailing her back and forth, he said it was all for fun and an ego boost, I emailed the younger girl and she did say he said they should catch up if she ever came to town. I forgave him.
Ontop of that he has always been the flirtatious type and very flirty I think with people at his work.
Anyway 2 years ago we broke up but were still living in the same flat, and continued to do everything together as we did before. Well 11 months later I found out he had been seeing another girl the whole time we were broke up. So you might think he did nothing wrong as we were broke up, but my thing is it was exactly like he was cheating on me, I had no idea there was someone else. 2 years later I still think of it almost every day what he did to me. You see although we were "broke up", I was not on the same page we were still being intimate and when we were he would ask me to wear my engagement ring, when I would get home from work late on weekends he had been with her, but pretend to be home all night.
At one stage I went interstate for the weekend and had oppertunity to be with at least 3 diff men who were interested in me, but I didn't as I was thinking of him and wouldn't do that. and I found out he had her over and had sex with her in our place. And he had to physically remove a picture frame of us off the wall and hide it.
He also had unprotected sex with her. There are a lot more details, but too long to explain, lets just say when someone is telling you to wear your engagement ring whilst having sex, you don't think they are living a double life. Basically for 11 months he sneaked around and lied to me.
Fast forward again, we ended up getting back together and now have an 8 month old and I still think of what he did to me almost every day, and trying to decide if I should stay or go.
Another point is he only ever wanted to have sex with me whilst on recreational drugs, and that has me disgusted. Hes not affectionate, no kissing, no cuddling. He had a bit of an issue with recreational drugs, and unfortunately brought me into it for many years, but my life has completely changed since having my daughter, and the past just disgusts me. My baby is 8 months and the last time we were intimate was when I was 7 months pregnant, and the thought of having sex with him disgusts me.
Anyway my dilema is, should I get over it or move on, I just scared as we have been together so long and I never wanted a broken family for my child, and I would hate for my girl to be an only child and thats a risk if we end it, I'm also scared ill never meet anyone ever again, though I do want to be by myself for a few years if we break up. The thought of kissing him or having sex with him now disgusts me, but am I being selfish should I make it work for my daughter? btw we hav'nt slept in the same bed for 11 months.
Our relationship started out badly. His flat mate was actually his ex girlfriend who he had only broke up with 3 weeks prior to asking me out, she did move out shortly after, so basically our relationship started out with lies and cheating. I honestly thought it was his flatmate, as I didn't go to his place at the begining.
I won't go into all the details but in a nutshell 5 mths into our relationship I found out he was sleeping with his ex and lying to me for that long. After finding this out it emotionally ruined me, as I was head over heels in love with him. Stupid me stayed and the lies continued for several more months about cutting contact. We moved in together in a new apartment a few months later.
Theres too many details but lets just say it took me about 2 years to get over it, and even then it would still pop into my mind regularly.
Fast forward and another time I caught him online messaging other women on a more adult version of fb. He had even given his personal email to a girl 10 years younger and was emailing her back and forth, he said it was all for fun and an ego boost, I emailed the younger girl and she did say he said they should catch up if she ever came to town. I forgave him.
Ontop of that he has always been the flirtatious type and very flirty I think with people at his work.
Anyway 2 years ago we broke up but were still living in the same flat, and continued to do everything together as we did before. Well 11 months later I found out he had been seeing another girl the whole time we were broke up. So you might think he did nothing wrong as we were broke up, but my thing is it was exactly like he was cheating on me, I had no idea there was someone else. 2 years later I still think of it almost every day what he did to me. You see although we were "broke up", I was not on the same page we were still being intimate and when we were he would ask me to wear my engagement ring, when I would get home from work late on weekends he had been with her, but pretend to be home all night.
At one stage I went interstate for the weekend and had oppertunity to be with at least 3 diff men who were interested in me, but I didn't as I was thinking of him and wouldn't do that. and I found out he had her over and had sex with her in our place. And he had to physically remove a picture frame of us off the wall and hide it.
He also had unprotected sex with her. There are a lot more details, but too long to explain, lets just say when someone is telling you to wear your engagement ring whilst having sex, you don't think they are living a double life. Basically for 11 months he sneaked around and lied to me.
Fast forward again, we ended up getting back together and now have an 8 month old and I still think of what he did to me almost every day, and trying to decide if I should stay or go.
Another point is he only ever wanted to have sex with me whilst on recreational drugs, and that has me disgusted. Hes not affectionate, no kissing, no cuddling. He had a bit of an issue with recreational drugs, and unfortunately brought me into it for many years, but my life has completely changed since having my daughter, and the past just disgusts me. My baby is 8 months and the last time we were intimate was when I was 7 months pregnant, and the thought of having sex with him disgusts me.
Anyway my dilema is, should I get over it or move on, I just scared as we have been together so long and I never wanted a broken family for my child, and I would hate for my girl to be an only child and thats a risk if we end it, I'm also scared ill never meet anyone ever again, though I do want to be by myself for a few years if we break up. The thought of kissing him or having sex with him now disgusts me, but am I being selfish should I make it work for my daughter? btw we hav'nt slept in the same bed for 11 months.