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Well I want to start by telling the story then asking the question so everyone gets the full effect.

My husband started being really mean and just standoffish this year he normally works Fridays and Saturdays until 11-12 so he was leaving work and going to the bar on these nights as well as storming out on Thursdays to the bar because he goes in later on Fridays.. I was never aloud to know where he was, he would turn his phone off and ignore me. He had a passcode on the new phone *he just bought and never told me it and would not give it to me* I never knew he was done with work or at the bar until he would come home. He always came home.. It got progressively worse and I told him I couldn't take the " I'll be home when I am home" he did not care he just kept with the same behavior and I was just hurting more and more. I noticed he bought new underwear expensive underwear not his normal walmart five pack that he has used for the last 10 years. His reason was we were being more intimate when things were good due to my health being better and he wanted to look good for me. Eventually in March he and came home late drunk on a Thursday night and we got into it really into it and he acting completely crazy at which point I said enough was enough I could not take this heartache and disrespect any longer. I was done emotionally I turned it all off. I ended up really not caring any more where he was or who he was with. He kept saying how sorry he was and he acted wrong and that he was sorry for his temper and the behavior. I really didn't care by Monday so 3 days later I finally talked. He was sorry and offered things he could do to change. And he did he completely changed he has not gone out since he hasn't had a temper and he has answered my every call or called me back and text back I now know the code to his phone. All was finally where it should have been.. I know its long , well he left town for family and I ended up seeing the phone bill for the month prior. And oddly enough one number just stood out I cant explain why or how but it did so I scanned the bill. Keep in mind things were great at this point I see the number in one day text back and forth like 50 times maybe more. A day before the big blow out when things were mucky where I remember every detail of that day and he had stormed out because he was upset that I didn't want to do something he wanted to .. no fight I didn't even expect him to leave he just did . Well the text was from the time he left till he came back then started again at 1040 ish until 11 a total of 4 text. I found the owner of the number and realized it was a girl who works with him. but still 50 text messages is a lot for just work stuff. I kept scanning the bill and I then found a incoming call that was about 5 min and then a outgoing call that lasted about 40 min same number (but this was during our good time after the big blow out).. None of this set right so when he came home I asked him about it he said he didn't remember talking to anyone for that long must be a pocket dial ... This answer did not seam to fit. I have now at this point figured out who this female and I found internet postings where she shares her dating life, she had two dates with two guys and she posted the dates on line, in the time in which she was talking to my spouse he was here at home with me both nights, The long 40 min call was on the Thursday after our Monday talk so that I found odd as well because well if he was working on things with me why would he talk so long to her, then I thought it was a break up call. Well I finally told him I knew who this number was and once I said that he told me he knew who it was and had a pretty good idea but felt I was lying but not sharing that I knew who it was sooner so he was not going to tell me till I told him.. so for a week I was a wreak and he knew who it was.

Well it gets better he told me he had made friends with his one employee and she was going through some tough times with her dating life and he was being supportive and giving advice. I said how many times did you two talk like 5 10 his response more like ten. I asked many questions of course but he said the reason he stopped talking to her he said it was too much and it felt inappropriate , I of course asked what was said to make him feel that way his answer was that she was sharing too much personal stuff and he felt as an employer he shouldn't know this much about her, I asked him how he "broke it off" was it the long call what he said no he just stopped responding to texts, I also said why when this started did you not say I am your boss not your friend to nip it in the bud he said that was kind of a **** thing to say, I said what did you say or do that made her think this was an okay thing to do, he said that he is just easy to talk to . I then asked did she ask if I knew you two talked and he said she might have, I asked what did you say to it he said well I would have said no. I said do you not see where that is wrong. He did not understand where her asking if I knew and him saying know would make her feel like something might be going on between the two of them. I feel she definitely was after him common I am female I know females and I know that game.

So my question and thanks for hanging with me that long...
Is what he did a violation of our commitment due to the lying and distrust ? Should I see this as a warning sign and get out? Or am I making a mountain out of a mole hill do things like this happen in marriages? Is it possible that he really didn't know. Does this happen to men? Oh I should mention I am and have never in 10 years been okay with him having female friends. This is not the first time he has had friends that have thought he liked them that were female some even before we dated. And those I know for sure he didn't like. But this female is I have to even say it very pretty and young but I did read her page and from what I read and her posts she is a typical self involved girl looking for compliments and has many men that she flirts with. Oh and she has two children and my husband and I do not have any as of yet. I know he wouldn't want to be a step daddy to another mans children.
 

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Sorry but, it sounds like he is cheating, and if this is repeated behavior the he's a serial cheater. "I don't remember" yeah right that's cheaters script. Read the newbie tread, I also advise you to listen the advise, read a few threads and please be strong and think with your head and not your heart.
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From what I gathered, I think it boils down to if you really believe he's telling you the truth. Personally I think his story is a load of BS.
 

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I'd like to make a request. Could you please edit your post and break it up into smaller paragraphs?

I realize you are feeling very emotional and need to convey everything you feel is necessary. However, it is difficult to read a huge paragraph without one's eyes jumping around.

I would really like to read what you have to say, but it's a bit of an eye strain. I'm sorry.
 

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I'd like to make a request. Could you please edit your post and break it up into smaller paragraphs?

I realize you are feeling very emotional and need to convey everything you feel is necessary. However, it is difficult to read a huge paragraph without one's eyes jumping around.

I would really like to read what you have to say, but it's a bit of an eye strain. I'm sorry.
Thanks for saying this, I didn't have the nerve.
 
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