Married 32 years, ME 57, W50.
Last fall my Wife had COVID really bad and she was hurt that I was not there by her side to take care of her. I had COVID too and did not provide her to the support she needed. I did support, but according to her it was not enough, so she shutdown completely and cut off all intimacy (Sex, Kisses, Touch, etc.).
She said I was not there for her, when she needed me and indicated ILYBNINLWY and wanted a Divorce.
She threatened to leave the house, but without a reason decided not to leave. She also put the Divorce on hold, because we have 2 grown kids, who are not able to support themselves financially on their own right now.
She has repeatedly told me no sex or intimacy of any type, because that is what would make me feel good and she does not need that at the moment. She also does not undress around me and demands that we shower when the other person is not around, in other words, we take turns. She also took off her Wedding Ring and at some point indicated, that we are not together anymore. I have been trying to initiate conversation with her, but she is always very angry and mean to me. I have been backing off and for the most part we go an entire day with just a Good Morning and Good Night. We still sleep in the same bed, but she gets as far away from me as possible.
This really sucks. She initially recommended Marriage Counseling, but I hesitated a bit, given our history of previous MC, in which the changes were short-lived, on my part. We both went on to perform IC, I still continue to this day. She has since finished and not gone back. I have trying repeatedly to get her back to MC, but has refused, until about 2 months ago.
For the most part, she has been living her own life; going out with Friends, etc. I have been trying to do the same but have been spending too much time trying to emotionally connect with her, to no avail. We have been in a sexless and emotionless Marriage. She has loss some Weight and now has a renewed interest in the Gym, uses a Personal Trainer.
About 3 weeks ago, there was a sudden shift in her behavior, after she noticed, I was starting to withdraw from the chasing. She is now talking to me more often, and we go out together to places. She also started giving me hugs. She does not want any more Physical contact, other than that. Wants to take it slow.
Over these last 7 months, I have noticed some odd behavior from her (missing time, texting someone, waiting for a response and then saying stuff like "going to get some fries" or "going to get a "pot". Returns over 2.5 hours later. This happened over to consecutive Saturday evenings, around the same time. I have just not pondered too much on this, because do not want to appear paranoid, but my gut is screaming.
At this point I am emotionally tired of me giving, giving, giving and her not doing anything to make the Marriage strong again. I am doing all the work. She has not mentioned Divorce anymore, but has indicated, she still has a lot of hurt and is stuck. I switched IC and after telling the new Counselor about our situation and the weird stuff, he indicated that she may be having an Affair.
So only recently has the Climate has improved in the house, but I am exhausted by the mental gymnastics. She indicates she does not know whether our current Relationship will work, but continues to go about her daily life, like nothing is happening.
I have since offered to get away together, but she made it clear that it should not be an overnight trip.
I am just tired of this.