Will add and expand to the replies.
Yes, you all are correct, she has way too much control and I am playing doormat. My current IC, indicated the same thing. She indicated it is very, very hard to go through a relationship that way.
I had a GPS Tracker installed on her car for a week, but did not discover anything unusual yet. Had to remove it temporarily since the car was getting serviced and did not want it discovered.
I do have the passcode to her phone, but have not really spent enough the time searching through it, due to feeling Guilty. Same with the GPS Tracker.
I confronted her this past weekend about the affair revelation, by my previous IC, and she got extremely defensive and indicated that I was overreacting. She says that she has never has cheated on me and what would it look like, if she was after saying she was not. She told me she I was overreacting to the missing time. One of my suspects now is her Personal Trainer. They have known each other for a while and I always hear his name thrown around a bit.
Leading into our COVID events, for about 6 months, she was becoming more irritable and was rejecting sex with lots of excuses. We still had sex, but it was at very small rate.
My part in all this, is that I was selfish with my time. She complained that we did not spend enough time together and that I did provide enough intimacy. By this time my gut was starting to act up, but could pin it to anything specific, as the Marriage has been kinda OK, for the most part. She tends to collect all the previous hurt feelings, I may have inflicted on her, and roll it all up together, so when the COVID event hit, she indicated, that that was the last straw. Although she indicated she wanted a Divorce twice, she has never done anything more then talk to some lawyers.
I have access to her Phone Records, nothing usual there. I believe whatever shady business is being conducted is via iMessage and Instagram DMs.
I have been way too passive and part of that is our current MC telling me to stop asking her where she is going and when she will be back, etc. MC indicated that Wife is a "Free Agent". Sounds like some BS to me.
Have been watching her very carefully, to look for signs, of anything unusual, but she is very,very sneaky about things. She also puts on a show to the MC, but bring up anything possible, to put me in a bad light, even though, I have been explaining, how I have identified what needs to be worked on, to be a better husband. She has been nonchalant about her side and puts no effort into it, although to repeatably say to me, "Why the changes now", "you should have been doing this all along and we would never have gotten where we are now".
She never stays out late. Prefers to stay home with the family. But occasionally, she tells me she needs space and spend a night or 2 over with friends, in most cases, these visits are confirmed, in others not.
I am trying to remain grounded and fair in all this. Have asked numerous times, when we will be sexually active again. Get the same responses. "I am still hurt, by what you did, when I had COVID" "I am stuck" and just recently, "I want to take it slow".
I have learned to be very calm throughout all I our interactions, but get the sense now, that I am just getting played, for time. It has been affecting my Mental Health greatly. Perhaps, I am too sympathetic?