Let me get this straight. She was sick and you were sick but she expected you to bend backwards to take care of her? Kind of sounds selfish or she’s just using it as an excuse.Hello All,
Married 32 years, ME 57, W50.
Last fall my Wife had COVID really bad and she was hurt that I was not there by her side to take care of her. I had COVID too and did not provide her to the support she needed. I did support, but according to her it was not enough, so she shutdown completely and cut off all intimacy (Sex, Kisses, Touch, etc.).
She said I was not there for her, when she needed me and indicated ILYBNINLWY and wanted a Divorce.
She threatened to leave the house, but without a reason decided not to leave. She also put the Divorce on hold, because we have 2 grown kids, who are not able to support themselves financially on their own right now.
She has repeatedly told me no sex or intimacy of any type, because that is what would make me feel good and she does not need that at the moment. She also does not undress around me and demands that we shower when the other person is not around, in other words, we take turns. She also took off her Wedding Ring and at some point indicated, that we are not together anymore. I have been trying to initiate conversation with her, but she is always very angry and mean to me. I have been backing off and for the most part we go an entire day with just a Good Morning and Good Night. We still sleep in the same bed, but she gets as far away from me as possible.
This really sucks. She initially recommended Marriage Counseling, but I hesitated a bit, given our history of previous MC, in which the changes were short-lived, on my part. We both went on to perform IC, I still continue to this day. She has since finished and not gone back. I have trying repeatedly to get her back to MC, but has refused, until about 2 months ago.
For the most part, she has been living her own life; going out with Friends, etc. I have been trying to do the same but have been spending too much time trying to emotionally connect with her, to no avail. We have been in a sexless and emotionless Marriage. She has loss some Weight and now has a renewed interest in the Gym, uses a Personal Trainer.
About 3 weeks ago, there was a sudden shift in her behavior, after she noticed, I was starting to withdraw from the chasing. She is now talking to me more often, and we go out together to places. She also started giving me hugs. She does not want any more Physical contact, other than that. Wants to take it slow.
Over these last 7 months, I have noticed some odd behavior from her (missing time, texting someone, waiting for a response and then saying stuff like "going to get some fries" or "going to get a "pot". Returns over 2.5 hours later. This happened over to consecutive Saturday evenings, around the same time. I have just not pondered too much on this, because do not want to appear paranoid, but my gut is screaming.
At this point I am emotionally tired of me giving, giving, giving and her not doing anything to make the Marriage strong again. I am doing all the work. She has not mentioned Divorce anymore, but has indicated, she still has a lot of hurt and is stuck. I switched IC and after telling the new Counselor about our situation and the weird stuff, he indicated that she may be having an Affair.
So only recently has the Climate has improved in the house, but I am exhausted by the mental gymnastics. She indicates she does not know whether our current Relationship will work, but continues to go about her daily life, like nothing is happening.
I have since offered to get away together, but she made it clear that it should not be an overnight trip.
I am just tired of this.
There’s way more going on here than her being upset that you didn’t give her enough care when she had Covid.Hello All,
Married 32 years, ME 57, W50.
Last fall my Wife had COVID really bad and she was hurt that I was not there by her side to take care of her. I had COVID too and did not provide her to the support she needed. I did support, but according to her it was not enough, so she shutdown completely and cut off all intimacy (Sex, Kisses, Touch, etc.).
She said I was not there for her, when she needed me and indicated ILYBNINLWY and wanted a Divorce.
She threatened to leave the house, but without a reason decided not to leave. She also put the Divorce on hold, because we have 2 grown kids, who are not able to support themselves financially on their own right now.
She has repeatedly told me no sex or intimacy of any type, because that is what would make me feel good and she does not need that at the moment. She also does not undress around me and demands that we shower when the other person is not around, in other words, we take turns. She also took off her Wedding Ring and at some point indicated, that we are not together anymore. I have been trying to initiate conversation with her, but she is always very angry and mean to me. I have been backing off and for the most part we go an entire day with just a Good Morning and Good Night. We still sleep in the same bed, but she gets as far away from me as possible.
This really sucks. She initially recommended Marriage Counseling, but I hesitated a bit, given our history of previous MC, in which the changes were short-lived, on my part. We both went on to perform IC, I still continue to this day. She has since finished and not gone back. I have trying repeatedly to get her back to MC, but has refused, until about 2 months ago.
For the most part, she has been living her own life; going out with Friends, etc. I have been trying to do the same but have been spending too much time trying to emotionally connect with her, to no avail. We have been in a sexless and emotionless Marriage. She has loss some Weight and now has a renewed interest in the Gym, uses a Personal Trainer.
About 3 weeks ago, there was a sudden shift in her behavior, after she noticed, I was starting to withdraw from the chasing. She is now talking to me more often, and we go out together to places. She also started giving me hugs. She does not want any more Physical contact, other than that. Wants to take it slow.
Over these last 7 months, I have noticed some odd behavior from her (missing time, texting someone, waiting for a response and then saying stuff like "going to get some fries" or "going to get a "pot". Returns over 2.5 hours later. This happened over to consecutive Saturday evenings, around the same time. I have just not pondered too much on this, because do not want to appear paranoid, but my gut is screaming.
At this point I am emotionally tired of me giving, giving, giving and her not doing anything to make the Marriage strong again. I am doing all the work. She has not mentioned Divorce anymore, but has indicated, she still has a lot of hurt and is stuck. I switched IC and after telling the new Counselor about our situation and the weird stuff, he indicated that she may be having an Affair.
So only recently has the Climate has improved in the house, but I am exhausted by the mental gymnastics. She indicates she does not know whether our current Relationship will work, but continues to go about her daily life, like nothing is happening.
I have since offered to get away together, but she made it clear that it should not be an overnight trip.
I am just tired of this.
Which is why separating would be the worst thing he could do right now. She won’t be missing anything because she’s likely already has someone else that she’s infatuated with.Let me get this straight. She was sick and you were sick but she expected you to bend backwards to take care of her? Kind of sounds selfish or she’s just using it as an excuse.
I’m not saying you should get a divorce but maybe you should rent an apartment short term so realizes what she is giving up. Sounds to me like she is socializing with opposite sex/ romantic interest
Yes, you’re way too sympathetic. And that’s a bad thing.Will add and expand to the replies.
Yes, you all are correct, she has way too much control and I am playing doormat. My current IC, indicated the same thing. She indicated it is very, very hard to go through a relationship that way.
I had a GPS Tracker installed on her car for a week, but did not discover anything unusual yet. Had to remove it temporarily since the car was getting serviced and did not want it discovered.
I do have the passcode to her phone, but have not really spent enough the time searching through it, due to feeling Guilty. Same with the GPS Tracker.
I confronted her this past weekend about the affair revelation, by my previous IC, and she got extremely defensive and indicated that I was overreacting. She says that she has never has cheated on me and what would it look like, if she was after saying she was not. She told me she I was overreacting to the missing time. One of my suspects now is her Personal Trainer. They have known each other for a while and I always hear his name thrown around a bit.
Leading into our COVID events, for about 6 months, she was becoming more irritable and was rejecting sex with lots of excuses. We still had sex, but it was at very small rate.
My part in all this, is that I was selfish with my time. She complained that we did not spend enough time together and that I did provide enough intimacy. By this time my gut was starting to act up, but could pin it to anything specific, as the Marriage has been kinda OK, for the most part. She tends to collect all the previous hurt feelings, I may have inflicted on her, and roll it all up together, so when the COVID event hit, she indicated, that that was the last straw. Although she indicated she wanted a Divorce twice, she has never done anything more then talk to some lawyers.
I have access to her Phone Records, nothing usual there. I believe whatever shady business is being conducted is via iMessage and Instagram DMs.
I have been way too passive and part of that is our current MC telling me to stop asking her where she is going and when she will be back, etc. MC indicated that Wife is a "Free Agent". Sounds like some BS to me.
Have been watching her very carefully, to look for signs, of anything unusual, but she is very,very sneaky about things. She also puts on a show to the MC, but bring up anything possible, to put me in a bad light, even though, I have been explaining, how I have identified what needs to be worked on, to be a better husband. She has been nonchalant about her side and puts no effort into it, although to repeatably say to me, "Why the changes now", "you should have been doing this all along and we would never have gotten where we are now".
She never stays out late. Prefers to stay home with the family. But occasionally, she tells me she needs space and spend a night or 2 over with friends, in most cases, these visits are confirmed, in others not.
I am trying to remain grounded and fair in all this. Have asked numerous times, when we will be sexually active again. Get the same responses. "I am still hurt, by what you did, when I had COVID" "I am stuck" and just recently, "I want to take it slow".
I have learned to be very calm throughout all I our interactions, but get the sense now, that I am just getting played, for time. It has been affecting my Mental Health greatly. Perhaps, I am too sympathetic?
Weighing as a woman here, I can tell you by ^^this^^ that your wife treats you with blatant disrespect. She's basically done. Maybe there's another man, maybe there's not. Either way, I'd suggest you kick her ass to the curb just based on her treatment of you.She has repeatedly told me no sex or intimacy of any type, because that is what would make me feel good and she does not need that at the moment. She also does not undress around me and demands that we shower when the other person is not around, in other words, we take turns. She also took off her Wedding Ring and at some point indicated, that we are not together anymore. I have been trying to initiate conversation with her, but she is always very angry and mean to me. I have been backing off and for the most part we go an entire day with just a Good Morning and Good Night. We still sleep in the same bed, but she gets as far away from me as possible.
OK, this just keeps getting worse, to the point of absurdity.Exit37, She does not do girls night out much, but will occasionally hang out with one of her "girlfriends", for a quick bite to eat. I know all of them as close family friends. She comes home before 10:00. The most disturbing ones to me, is when she suddenly needs to leave at moments notice and is texting someone and pacing around the house waiting for a reply. Then she leaves without saying who she going to see and says something odd, like going to get a book and then gone for up to 3 hours. Does the same exact thing when going to the gym. Puts on her most revealing gym ware and more makeup then usual. Can be gone for up to 4 hours. Will put the tracker back on and watch it over several weeks. She does leave the phone unguarded occasionally. Yes, could get a PI. Just need a strategy and then find one. I live in a no-fault state. Thanks.
