I just spent some minutes reading other post on here and I see an overwhelming thread, HURT. Whether you’re the one that wants to leave or someone left you. We all want our hurt to go away, I know I do. I’ve been married for 35 years, It many ways he is a wonderful man. A good provider, a good father, a wonderful companion, life of the party type of man. Only problem, not only has he had over 7 affairs in our marriage that I found out about, early on in our marriage he was a predator, physically assaulting female relatives young and old. I did not know about this until we went into counseling for an affair and he confessed all to me. Counseling lasted 2 years, we got over it, raised our children (no more occurrences that I heard of) for 15 years great then bam an affair with a friend of mine. Separated for over a year, he broke it off we tried again then I just found out another affair that has been going on for a year in a half. Others have mentioned on here about how they still love their spouse, that’s me I love all the good qualities and he’s quite a charmer when he wants to be. However saying that I filed for divorce. I can’t say it’s been easy, I’m still torn, It still hurts like hell. When I asked him to move out he moved in with the other woman, who I know he would not have left me for. so now I feel like I drove him to her. On the other hand why move out right for 35 years he had everything his way, he got to play good husband, good father, going to church and then other sleep with what every woman he wanted too. So as I’m coming to realize the fault might have been in him but a lack of something in me allowed it. I totally feel I need him and can’t live without him, I love him, and then the survivor in me has now kicked it and is tearing me in half from that needy girl that got married at 17 and is saying NO MORE. I’ve gotten a couple overtures from him as to how bad he has messed up and what a wonderful wife I was what a jerk he has been he is not saying he wants a reconciliation. My fear and the whole point of this post is if he does, if I get even a glimmer that he says he will change again and wants me to stop the divorce, Ill stop everything in a week moment. Knowing full well he will probably put me through this pain again down the road... how stupid is that? I cant do it again... as painful as this is I have to go through with it.....but like others I have heard its pulling me apart.