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So its been about six weeks since d-day. Ive discovered two guys she was dirty-texting with, and she admitted to sex with a guy back in june and about two years ago she 'made out' with some guy. Becauase, you know. He just kept asking for a kiss. What was she supposed to do!? Lol...

Now, about two weeks ago, as far as i knew it was the two text guys plus the sex. I sat her down and told her that my 'spider-sense', which have been right about everything so far, told me there was more. I made sure to be as direct as possible, even bringing up specific thimgs id thought about like certain male friends, ex boyfriends, etc...anything at all. I wanted to know if she so much as held hands with a guy. She said to me 'honey, i swear on our children that there has never been anything else.' Three days later she reveals she also made out with some dude.

So now i believe i have no choice but to believe ALL my suspicions are true. Shes had a few guy friends over the years that i now believe were affairs. Ive scoured her facebook and found that one friend in partocular seemed a little too close. There was nothing bad in any of their discussions, but they just seemed a little too fond of each other. Almost like best friends more than anything else, but still....shes my wife. Another friend has apprenltly been so nice hes been fixing her car 'for free'. Nothing major, but little tuneups and stuff. I saw a text from him one day a while back where said 'hello my sweet marion'. I asked her about it and because im naive i believed her when she played it off as nothing. Its just how he is, of course. Hell...i gave her so much trust i let her spend the night at a guys house once. Please dont tell me how stupid ive been....i already know.

I dont think she goes looking for it, but she does have a problem saying no. So i have to assume she gives in a lot more than shes told me. I cant believe that on just two occasions shes forgotten all about her husband and messed around. More likely, as someome else told me, shes probably cheated in some form on most if not all of her nights out.

Now, im sure of one of two things: either she is genuinly sorry, consumed with guilt and absolutely committed to changing her ways OR she is a complete psychopath who can basically create realistic emotions at will.

Whats bothering me the most isnt even the physical stuff, its the lying. And how she gets so defensive about it. She acts like theres no reason i have not to trust her, and that the ball is in my court. If this marriage is going to work, i need to figure out a way to get over it! Nevermind that i have every reason not to trust her. Nevernind that every time we have sex i can see, hear, feel and taste every other guy. Thats just my problem. She wants to basically pretend it never happened and just move forward. Which i guess is a nice idea but its not so easy.

I guess i 'forgive' her, depending on it means. To some people it means 'i have completely forgotten about it' whereas to me it means 'i dont hate you and am not going to beat the **** out of you.'

Ive been in counseling for a few weeks now and its going ok. Ive asked her to look into it as well, and shes agreed but i can tell its only to placate me. I want her to really acknowledge she has a problem, but she doesnt think she has one. Shes likened it to driving a car and crashing it. She only crashed once so its not that bad right? Except shes crashed it a bunch of times! I think she only considers it cheating if theres actualy penis-in-vagina. :(

Shes agreed to stop all behavior that might lead to cheating, such as going to the bar. But i dont want a prisoner i have to watch every second. I want a wife who respects the sanctity of our mariage and who can actually say no to a guy even if weve just had a big fight or something. Is that too much to ask?????
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I want a wife who respects the sanctity of our mariage and who can actually say no to a guy even if weve just had a big fight or something. Is that too much to ask?????
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No, it isn't, but she isn't that wife. She's made that abundantly clear.

Have you been STD tested?

Do you know what the 180 is?
 

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What is she doing to help you with this? It shouldn't be you doing all the policing and watching, it should be her making everything transparent and setting your mind at ease.
 

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YOU'VE been to counseling for a few weeks now??? WTF?

Sorry but the only reason you need counseling is to wake you up from being so naive.

Your wife has cheated on you multiple times that you know of nad probably more. The guy who's tuned her car up for free? I'd bet my bottom dollar she's tuned him up once or twice too.

She's not sorry. If she was she'd already be in counseling and doing everything to make you feel better.

She's trying to rugsweep by ignoring the issues here. If you allow this, it will all come rushing back to you in the future. You need to know what happened, with whom and why.

You should also get yourself tested for STDs. She may have given you one of those gifts that lasts a lifetime
 

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Discussion Starter #5
No tests yet....as far as i know i dont have anything obvious like herpes or warts, no painful peeing. If ive got aids, well....i dont even want to know! Lol.....

Im seeing a counselor because ive been an emotional wreck. Even she doesnt seem to think this means my marriage is over.

The hardest part here? Logistics. If she were any other girl id be long gone, but shes not. I really do love her, even if im pissed. But i still think about leaving. Except i cant even if i really wanted to. We're too intertwined. Whod watch the kids while shes at work? Where the heck will i live? Its pretty much her house so i cant kick her out of it.
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Do you know what the 180 is??? If so, DO it. If not, find out and DO it.

And you REALLY need to get tested, and stop having sex with her NOW.

As for who would look after the kids while she's at work - seriously?? Ever hear of daycare?

You've got it bad, my friend.
 

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As far as making me feel better....shes trying to focusd totally on the future. I applaude her for being so forward driven, but still...we nees to fix our past problems first.

Ive heard of the 180 but whenever i ask what it is i get told to google it or something. Ive read about it, seen forums discussing it, but have never actually seen it.
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No tests yet....as far as i know i dont have anything obvious like herpes or warts, no painful peeing. If ive got aids, well....i dont even want to know! Lol.....

Im seeing a counselor because ive been an emotional wreck. Even she doesnt seem to think this means my marriage is over.

The hardest part here? Logistics. If she were any other girl id be long gone, but shes not. I really do love her, even if im pissed. But i still think about leaving. Except i cant even if i really wanted to. We're too intertwined. Whod watch the kids while shes at work? Where the heck will i live? Its pretty much her house so i cant kick her out of it.
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Um, you realize there are more STD's than that and that some of them don't make themselves known right away, right? For instance, you may not get herpes warts right away. Chlamydia can stay hidden for years without symptoms. Not to mention HPV.

Staying with a serial cheater who continues that behavior is also teaching your children that this behavior is acceptable. I get so angry when people throw that into the mix.

My ex developed a nasty drug addiction and when really high would beat me (literally). I could have stayed 'for the kids' but figured I'd show them a healthier version of their mother and left. Children need a healthy environment. Period. So, keep in mind constantly - are my wife and I mirroring a healthy marriage and relationship? How would I feel if this were my children's marriage?
 

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Yeah i know ive got it bad. Because while im trying to deal with my pain and stuff, im also trying to keep her from leaving me, which she'll probably do if i dont get over it soon enough. Sick huh? I know....like ive said....i really do love her and want this to work, but the trust is so hard. And she blames me for 'digging at it' too much. Like all i need to know is that shes cheated. Doesnt matter how it happened or with who or what they actually did.
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Shes agreed to stop all behavior that might lead to cheating, such as going to the bar. But i dont want a prisoner i have to watch every second. I want a wife who respects the sanctity of our mariage and who can actually say no to a guy even if weve just had a big fight or something. Is that too much to ask?????
So your wife is a serial cheater. When confronted she says she will cut out things that might lead to cheating but you do not like that. You want her to be in risky situations hanging out and drinking with other men but just want her to be able to say no.

Right. Essentailly she has proved she cannot have male friends or go out to the bars. She has trouble saying no to other men's sexual advances.

This seems like another hot wifing thread. So what is it that you really want? Just that she can play the sexual games but not give in?

So she wants you to stop digging at it so much? Amazing. What do you think she sees in these other guys? It sounds like she digs the guys who just take what they want. Guys with high self esteem. These guys do not seem too worried about you. Why is that?
 

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Um, you realize there are more STD's than that and that some of them don't make themselves known right away, right? For instance, you may not get herpes warts right away. Chlamydia can stay hidden for years without symptoms. Not to mention HPV.

Staying with a serial cheater who continues that behavior is also teaching your children that this behavior is acceptable. I get so angry when people throw that into the mix.

My ex developed a nasty drug addiction and when really high would beat me (literally). I could have stayed 'for the kids' but figured I'd show them a healthier version of their mother and left. Children need a healthy environment. Period. So, keep in mind constantly - are my wife and I mirroring a healthy marriage and relationship? How would I feel if this were my children's marriage?
:iagree::iagree::iagree:

The lesson this provides to children is very important. We teach them by example.
 

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Yeah i know ive got it bad. Because while im trying to deal with my pain and stuff, im also trying to keep her from leaving me, which she'll probably do if i dont get over it soon enough. Sick huh? I know....like ive said....i really do love her and want this to work, but the trust is so hard. And she blames me for 'digging at it' too much. Like all i need to know is that shes cheated. Doesnt matter how it happened or with who or what they actually did.
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So you care a lot more about her than she does about you? You are afraid of losing her if you don't stop "digging" but she is not afraid of losing you if she doesn't tell you the truth?
 

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No tests yet....as far as i know i dont have anything obvious like herpes or warts, no painful peeing. If ive got aids, well....i dont even want to know! Lol.....

Im seeing a counselor because ive been an emotional wreck. Even she doesnt seem to think this means my marriage is over.

The hardest part here? Logistics. If she were any other girl id be long gone, but shes not. I really do love her, even if im pissed. But i still think about leaving. Except i cant even if i really wanted to. We're too intertwined. Whod watch the kids while shes at work? Where the heck will i live? Its pretty much her house so i cant kick her out of it.
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Trust me you can fall in love with a good and faithful woman. They are worth the effort. This is not the woman you were looking for. However, you need to find your own inner strength and self esteem.
 

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She said to me 'honey, i swear on our children that there has never been anything else.' Three days later she reveals she also made out with some dude.Posted via Mobile Device
Every single time it's been posted that a cheater has sworn on their children on these threads it has turned out to be a lie. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
 

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Yeah i know ive got it bad. Because while im trying to deal with my pain and stuff, im also trying to keep her from leaving me, which she'll probably do if i dont get over it soon enough. Sick huh? I know....like ive said....i really do love her and want this to work, but the trust is so hard. And she blames me for 'digging at it' too much. Like all i need to know is that shes cheated. Doesnt matter how it happened or with who or what they actually did.
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Of course she doesn't want you to 'dig at it' - she's afraid of what you'll find. If everything was out in the open, she wouldn't be stonewalling you.

YOU are not to blame!!!
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Theyre charming and witty and forward. She digs the high of being hit on. The thrill of the hunt. Of engaging in the taboo.

Ive been out alone before. Go to karaoke night, im one of the only ones there who can sing good. Its the only time im Confident and 'cool'. Girls dig it. They see the ring on my finger and they dont care. They want me. Sometimes im attracted, but even being drunk i stil know im married. Why cant she do that too?

I just get to resentful about it. Her kid? I love the boy but hes a seriously troubled kid with a lot of behavorial problems and hes a pain in the butt. Hes driven off a few boyfriends in the past. But im still here and i stick by them. When she told me was pregnant i begged her not to go thru with it and she did anyway. Any of these guys she messed around with wouldve junped ship. When she weighed 300 pounds i still thought she was beautiful. None of these fuys wouldve looked twice at her. I did and always have. I know im not perfect but neither is she and our imperfextions tended to compliment each other. I suck at working, im good with the kids. She works good, not so good with kids. But this takes it to a whole new level of imperfection.

Sorry if im just ranting incoherantly....sometimes i just need to get things off my chest.
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I dont think she goes looking for it, but she does have a problem saying no.
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If you believe this crap, you're screwed. I can't say no, if I told this to my wife she WOULD not have taken me back.

BTW, you'll never give her 100% trust again. You're going to play warden for probably the rest of your life. It'll die down eventually but you will always check up once in a while.

Didn't answer your call, late getting home etc...It'll trigger no matter how long it's been. If you really love that person it will trigger you. If you just don't care anymore, well then..........

I swore on my parents that I wasn't cheating to my wife, guess how that worked out.
 

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You need to do a total about face here. You should be kicking her out, and SHE should be pleading for you to let her stay. Seriously. Just do some reading around here and see where pleading and begging get betrayed spouses.
 
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