Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 21 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Been in my current relationship for 5 years and the past month i really opened my eyes to what has been going on.

My boyfriend/father of my child, has been putting me down for years in little ways. Its been building on me and i never even realized before. He will blame me for things he doesnt know who caused it even though i telll him straight up i didnt do it he wont believe me or he'll say whatever. He constantly calls me dumb/stupid/retarded/unobservant. I do sillythings like make silly dances in front of him or say how i feel, or simply trip over a toy or run my cart into something at the grocery store. Which i know im clumsy and unobservant its not like i like tripping, falling and running into things. but i feel he shouldnt rub it in and hold it against me


him "you picked up anti dandruff sampoo, your so unobservant"
me "me sorry i didnt realize i just thought it smelt good"
him "now my head burns every time i use it"
me "sorry :/"

when i was talking on the phone with my mother and rushing to get ready for work i broke a cup and he's brought it up three times now about how i dont observe my surroundings just from that instance.

This usually happens atleast once or more times a day. I feel like i have to watch what i say what what i do because im constantly judged by him.

Today i finally hit a state of so much depression i brought up the topic

me "id really appreciate if you stop calling me dumb and stuff"
him "when do i call you dumb"
me"like all the time, just a bit ago you where putting me down about how clumsy i am"
him"your unobservant, if i let you know when you are its something you can change"
me"i dont think i can change clumsy, i dont like how it makes me feel when you say that kind of stuff to me"
him "well im sorry it makes you feel that way"
after that i left the room and he said oh dont get all upset on me now. i just told him he needed sleep because he works tomorrow. really i felt he was pinning everything back on me.

Why should he be sorry that i feel this way because of what he's said. I felt like he should have apologized for saying these things and agreed to try not to put me down anymore which he never said in any part of that that he would stop. I feel hurt now like its my fault for feeling bad. when really i know i shouldnt feel bad. I should be loved, if anything he should call me silly for dancing funny, laugh when i run into something, gasp when i break a dish not rub it all in my face.

I also feel trapped he doesnt like when i hang out with my friends because it cuts out my time with him but i hate spending time with him because i feel like i cant be myself. In the 5 years we've been together the longest ive been able to hold contact with a friend was a month and this is also all virtual contact too.

I want to move back with my family but i have a daughter with him and my family lives out of state. i think it would be kidnapping? I dont want her to grow up like this though, thinking his behavior is what a relationship is like. it seems unhealthy and unloving to me. Im afraid of going to court because i live with him and cant afford a child sitter if he was to leave and i had to stay until i got custody.

i have no friends in this area since i moved down here for him, no family either. my family is also poor so they cant really help with anthing but housing me while i get on my feet out there.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
143 Posts
To me, it doesn't sound That bad. I would say counseling to work on your communication with each other. I know how you feel though because I've been in your spot before. It's like you want someone mire easygoing, to laugh about your "clumbsiness" rather than criticize. To find you cute and charming, instead of pointing out how flawed you are. It would be a more fun, light hearted relationship. However, it doesn't sound Luke he's meaning to make you feel bad, but just wants you to be more careful. He does need to reign in the way he talks to you, as in watch how he talks to you. He needs to really understand that it is the difference between you being happy and staying with me, and not.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
66 Posts
Constant criticism can take a toll on anyone, who knows he may be the cause of your clumsiness. How could you be yourself if he is waiting and watching for your next slip up.

I agree with the animal, it may be time to head to counseling. This is something that cannot be ignored, it will only get worse.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,456 Posts
Been in my current relationship for 5 years and the past month i really opened my eyes to what has been going on.

My boyfriend/father of my child, has been putting me down for years in little ways. Its been building on me and i never even realized before. He will blame me for things he doesnt know who caused it even though i telll him straight up i didnt do it he wont believe me or he'll say whatever. He constantly calls me dumb/stupid/retarded/unobservant. I do sillythings like make silly dances in front of him or say how i feel, or simply trip over a toy or run my cart into something at the grocery store. Which i know im clumsy and unobservant its not like i like tripping, falling and running into things. but i feel he shouldnt rub it in and hold it against me


him "you picked up anti dandruff sampoo, your so unobservant"
me "me sorry i didnt realize i just thought it smelt good"
him "now my head burns every time i use it"
me "sorry :/"

when i was talking on the phone with my mother and rushing to get ready for work i broke a cup and he's brought it up three times now about how i dont observe my surroundings just from that instance.

This usually happens atleast once or more times a day. I feel like i have to watch what i say what what i do because im constantly judged by him.

Today i finally hit a state of so much depression i brought up the topic

me "id really appreciate if you stop calling me dumb and stuff"
him "when do i call you dumb"
me"like all the time, just a bit ago you where putting me down about how clumsy i am"
him"your unobservant, if i let you know when you are its something you can change"
me"i dont think i can change clumsy, i dont like how it makes me feel when you say that kind of stuff to me"
him "well im sorry it makes you feel that way"
after that i left the room and he said oh dont get all upset on me now. i just told him he needed sleep because he works tomorrow. really i felt he was pinning everything back on me.

Why should he be sorry that i feel this way because of what he's said. I felt like he should have apologized for saying these things and agreed to try not to put me down anymore which he never said in any part of that that he would stop. I feel hurt now like its my fault for feeling bad. when really i know i shouldnt feel bad. I should be loved, if anything he should call me silly for dancing funny, laugh when i run into something, gasp when i break a dish not rub it all in my face.

I also feel trapped he doesnt like when i hang out with my friends because it cuts out my time with him but i hate spending time with him because i feel like i cant be myself. In the 5 years we've been together the longest ive been able to hold contact with a friend was a month and this is also all virtual contact too.

I want to move back with my family but i have a daughter with him and my family lives out of state. i think it would be kidnapping? I dont want her to grow up like this though, thinking his behavior is what a relationship is like. it seems unhealthy and unloving to me. Im afraid of going to court because i live with him and cant afford a child sitter if he was to leave and i had to stay until i got custody.

i have no friends in this area since i moved down here for him, no family either. my family is also poor so they cant really help with anthing but housing me while i get on my feet out there.
I'm sorry that you're going through this, OP, and you might want to suggest to your BF that you go for relationship counseling. I agree that it isn't healthy for a child to grow up in an environment where there is constant discord.

Regarding moving to be near your parents, the laws are different from one country to another, but you might find that your BF doesn't necessarily get much say where you and your child live (even if his name is on the Birth Certificate) because you're not married. You need to check this out thoroughly, though, before making any plans to leave.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
we are too poor for counseling :/ We've tried talking out most of out problems with him parents who used to be church guidance type counselors.

Another problem we have is i asked him to not look at live cam girls if he HAD to look at porn i'd rather it would just be plain video porn. Sometimes he'll ask me to turn on porn for him, im not sure if he just wants to hurt me or is trying to let me know he's horny? He said he wouldnt look at cam girl porn and low and behold a month ago i come out and he DELIBERATELY opens it up and says "damn she went offline" when i asked him why he was rubbing it in my face he said he wasnt but that he didnt want to hide that from me. He says sometimes he gets the urge to watch that type of porn.

A few months back we had a huge debate over him saying he would cheat on me one day, not that he wanted to he says but he has this sexual urge since he has never had another partner. I flipped nuts, got crazy depressed and he was telling me that i shouldnt be acting the way i was, i shouldnt be sad and worried.
someone tells you they are going to break something special you have and you should be sad at all, nope.

When we first got together i had cheated on him several times in a week because i was young immature and didnt know how to handle myself or my emotions back then(we where also long distance). I gave him the option of staying with me, i did no begging or pleading just stated i was sorry and told him what i had done. i was about 16-17. he stll to this day says that he gets a free card because i did it back then do now in the future he gets to do it. If that was his thinking from the get go i wouldnt start a relationship like that. I understand i hurt him but playing the game of getting even, hurting others back, instead of forgiveness just doesnt make a good relationship.

i have worked 4 years of this relationship alone, being the sole provider for our family while he either sat at home playing video games or did his online schooling for 2 years. I told him that online schooling wasnt a good choice for our situation when he was first looking into it because we where barely getting by. he still joined into it instead of looking for work and now he's unsure if he wants to pursue a career in that field.... now he has to pay off 20k in debt for something he doesnt want to do anymore. I told him from the day he started i was not touching that debt that when he finished he had to pay it or i would leave him. I was so tired of paying for everything, caring for everything.

I do game myself, and i understand gaming in moderation for fun or social interaction but when you're so hooked into a game that half your day you sit on the computer, it leaves no time for the family.

He's got a job now he waited till the last month to start looking. He also adopted 3 cats before he got a job and i told him be barely get by each month we dont need 3 cats maybe 1 not 3. he stubbornly said that if i didnt agree to 3 he would take all 5. I told him he had to care for all of them, and get a job within that month to pay for them and he agreed. took him 3 months to get the job he said he would get in a month so i had to pay for the cats. they tore up our couch, costed up bank in worming, fleaing, food costs. I have to fill up their water bowl and food because he constantly forgets.

I feel like in decisions, if he wants something he has to get it or A he gets rude, mean, pissy or B gets it despite of what i think about it. there is no compromise. and if i dont agree im dumb/stupid/retarded/overacting.

Another point was when i was at the grocery store after i had just got off work he made me go despite me telling him my feet hurt, i was irritable and asked if we could do it tomorrow. He got hissy so i just went with him. while at the store our daughter was sleepy and she was ready for a nap and she gets to the point where she gets moody and cries alot. well he wanted to do alot of shopping and was making me deal with our daughter who also didnt want to be there. while leaving the store she broke in a burst of crying then stopped. he said to me "your lucky she stopped on her own or i was going ot leave you here"

she started up again and i informed her she needed to stop and that she was acting bad even though i feel like she should have been told anything because its not her fault she's being drug around the store. He then goes on to tell me that i was punishing her wrong that i was calling her a bad kid and now she would think she's a bad kid. I told him that i said she was acting bad. not that shes a bad kid. he went on for several nights about this but i stood my ground and told him that his way of punishment isnt always the right way nor is mine. but that he needed to accept that i had a view on raising our child. he pretty much just brushed it off and let it go. leaving me feel bad for standing up for myself.

everyday is frustrating, he doesnt listen and thinks of himself over family.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
66 Posts
Well now that you added more to the story I think its time for him to either grow up or get out!

we are too poor for counseling :/ We've tried talking out most of out problems with him parents who used to be church guidance type counselors.

Another problem we have is i asked him to not look at live cam girls if he HAD to look at porn i'd rather it would just be plain video porn. Sometimes he'll ask me to turn on porn for him, im not sure if he just wants to hurt me or is trying to let me know he's horny? He said he wouldnt look at cam girl porn and low and behold a month ago i come out and he DELIBERATELY opens it up and says "damn she went offline" when i asked him why he was rubbing it in my face he said he wasnt but that he didnt want to hide that from me. He says sometimes he gets the urge to watch that type of porn.

A few months back we had a huge debate over him saying he would cheat on me one day, not that he wanted to he says but he has this sexual urge since he has never had another partner. I flipped nuts, got crazy depressed and he was telling me that i shouldnt be acting the way i was, i shouldnt be sad and worried.
someone tells you they are going to break something special you have and you should be sad at all, nope.

When we first got together i had cheated on him several times in a week because i was young immature and didnt know how to handle myself or my emotions back then(we where also long distance). I gave him the option of staying with me, i did no begging or pleading just stated i was sorry and told him what i had done. i was about 16-17. he stll to this day says that he gets a free card because i did it back then do now in the future he gets to do it. If that was his thinking from the get go i wouldnt start a relationship like that. I understand i hurt him but playing the game of getting even, hurting others back, instead of forgiveness just doesnt make a good relationship.

i have worked 4 years of this relationship alone, being the sole provider for our family while he either sat at home playing video games or did his online schooling for 2 years. I told him that online schooling wasnt a good choice for our situation when he was first looking into it because we where barely getting by. he still joined into it instead of looking for work and now he's unsure if he wants to pursue a career in that field.... now he has to pay off 20k in debt for something he doesnt want to do anymore. I told him from the day he started i was not touching that debt that when he finished he had to pay it or i would leave him. I was so tired of paying for everything, caring for everything.

I do game myself, and i understand gaming in moderation for fun or social interaction but when you're so hooked into a game that half your day you sit on the computer, it leaves no time for the family.

He's got a job now he waited till the last month to start looking. He also adopted 3 cats before he got a job and i told him be barely get by each month we dont need 3 cats maybe 1 not 3. he stubbornly said that if i didnt agree to 3 he would take all 5. I told him he had to care for all of them, and get a job within that month to pay for them and he agreed. took him 3 months to get the job he said he would get in a month so i had to pay for the cats. they tore up our couch, costed up bank in worming, fleaing, food costs. I have to fill up their water bowl and food because he constantly forgets.

I feel like in decisions, if he wants something he has to get it or A he gets rude, mean, pissy or B gets it despite of what i think about it. there is no compromise. and if i dont agree im dumb/stupid/retarded/overacting.

Another point was when i was at the grocery store after i had just got off work he made me go despite me telling him my feet hurt, i was irritable and asked if we could do it tomorrow. He got hissy so i just went with him. while at the store our daughter was sleepy and she was ready for a nap and she gets to the point where she gets moody and cries alot. well he wanted to do alot of shopping and was making me deal with our daughter who also didnt want to be there. while leaving the store she broke in a burst of crying then stopped. he said to me "your lucky she stopped on her own or i was going ot leave you here"

she started up again and i informed her she needed to stop and that she was acting bad even though i feel like she should have been told anything because its not her fault she's being drug around the store. He then goes on to tell me that i was punishing her wrong that i was calling her a bad kid and now she would think she's a bad kid. I told him that i said she was acting bad. not that shes a bad kid. he went on for several nights about this but i stood my ground and told him that his way of punishment isnt always the right way nor is mine. but that he needed to accept that i had a view on raising our child. he pretty much just brushed it off and let it go. leaving me feel bad for standing up for myself.

everyday is frustrating, he doesnt listen and thinks of himself over family.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
He's 24, i dont know how to make him open his eyes. I've tried so many times to tell him how i feel but it ALWAYS end in your dumb/stupid or if i get to the point of crying he'll say sorry. I have to be that hurt that he'll say just sorry and not counter everything i say back and even after i stop crying and he's calmed me down he'll try and pick out points of why i shouldnt be sad and such.

a while back i stated how i felt lonely and i needed social interaction he told me i could just leave our daughter here and go back.

Somedays he will make me feel completely unloved then others he'll act lovey dovey and understanding only for me to give him sex. once he gets it he flips back to being judgmental. If i dont put out then he's just plain our mean.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,079 Posts
Been in my current relationship for 5 years and the past month i really opened my eyes to what has been going on.

My boyfriend/father of my child, has been putting me down for years in little ways. Its been building on me and i never even realized before. He will blame me for things he doesnt know who caused it even though i telll him straight up i didnt do it he wont believe me or he'll say whatever. He constantly calls me dumb/stupid/retarded/unobservant. I do sillythings like make silly dances in front of him or say how i feel, or simply trip over a toy or run my cart into something at the grocery store. Which i know im clumsy and unobservant its not like i like tripping, falling and running into things. but i feel he shouldnt rub it in and hold it against me


him "you picked up anti dandruff sampoo, your so unobservant"
me "me sorry i didnt realize i just thought it smelt good"
him "now my head burns every time i use it"
me "sorry :/"

when i was talking on the phone with my mother and rushing to get ready for work i broke a cup and he's brought it up three times now about how i dont observe my surroundings just from that instance.

This usually happens atleast once or more times a day. I feel like i have to watch what i say what what i do because im constantly judged by him.

Today i finally hit a state of so much depression i brought up the topic

me "id really appreciate if you stop calling me dumb and stuff"
him "when do i call you dumb"
me"like all the time, just a bit ago you where putting me down about how clumsy i am"
him"your unobservant, if i let you know when you are its something you can change"
me"i dont think i can change clumsy, i dont like how it makes me feel when you say that kind of stuff to me"
him "well im sorry it makes you feel that way"
after that i left the room and he said oh dont get all upset on me now. i just told him he needed sleep because he works tomorrow. really i felt he was pinning everything back on me.

Why should he be sorry that i feel this way because of what he's said. I felt like he should have apologized for saying these things and agreed to try not to put me down anymore which he never said in any part of that that he would stop. I feel hurt now like its my fault for feeling bad. when really i know i shouldnt feel bad. I should be loved, if anything he should call me silly for dancing funny, laugh when i run into something, gasp when i break a dish not rub it all in my face.

I also feel trapped he doesnt like when i hang out with my friends because it cuts out my time with him but i hate spending time with him because i feel like i cant be myself. In the 5 years we've been together the longest ive been able to hold contact with a friend was a month and this is also all virtual contact too.

I want to move back with my family but i have a daughter with him and my family lives out of state. i think it would be kidnapping? I dont want her to grow up like this though, thinking his behavior is what a relationship is like. it seems unhealthy and unloving to me. Im afraid of going to court because i live with him and cant afford a child sitter if he was to leave and i had to stay until i got custody.

i have no friends in this area since i moved down here for him, no family either. my family is also poor so they cant really help with anthing but housing me while i get on my feet out there.
Guys like to fix things. Has he actually called you a moron or anything? Cuz really, it sounds to me like maybe you are a little less observant than you should be and him pointing it out may be a way of him trying to fix it.

I'm clumsy too. I'm ADHD. You have to force yourself to be more observant.

Really, from what you've said, it doesn't sound like he's being insulting and really he may not owe you an apology.

Sounds like you have an idea of what you want your partner in life to be and he might not be it. Maybe you should find someone who will never tell you you do anything wrong, or at least will be a lot more gentle about the way he tells you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,456 Posts
Another problem we have is i asked him to not look at live cam girls if he HAD to look at porn i'd rather it would just be plain video porn... He said he wouldnt look at cam girl porn and low and behold a month ago i come out and he DELIBERATELY opens it up and says "damn she went offline" ......

A few months back we had a huge debate over him saying he would cheat on me one day, not that he wanted to he says but he has this sexual urge since he has never had another partner.
Your BF sounds immature, irresponsible and abusive. The longer you're with him, the worse you're going to feel about yourself. Also, this doesn't sound the ideal environment in which to raise a child.

You have some big decisions to make, OP. It won't be easy, but neither will living under the same roof as someone who disrespects you and your feelings to such an extent.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Mrs Chai

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,079 Posts
we are too poor for counseling :/ We've tried talking out most of out problems with him parents who used to be church guidance type counselors.

Another problem we have is i asked him to not look at live cam girls if he HAD to look at porn i'd rather it would just be plain video porn. Sometimes he'll ask me to turn on porn for him, im not sure if he just wants to hurt me or is trying to let me know he's horny? He said he wouldnt look at cam girl porn and low and behold a month ago i come out and he DELIBERATELY opens it up and says "damn she went offline" when i asked him why he was rubbing it in my face he said he wasnt but that he didnt want to hide that from me. He says sometimes he gets the urge to watch that type of porn.

A few months back we had a huge debate over him saying he would cheat on me one day, not that he wanted to he says but he has this sexual urge since he has never had another partner. I flipped nuts, got crazy depressed and he was telling me that i shouldnt be acting the way i was, i shouldnt be sad and worried.
someone tells you they are going to break something special you have and you should be sad at all, nope.

When we first got together i had cheated on him several times in a week because i was young immature and didnt know how to handle myself or my emotions back then(we where also long distance). I gave him the option of staying with me, i did no begging or pleading just stated i was sorry and told him what i had done. i was about 16-17. he stll to this day says that he gets a free card because i did it back then do now in the future he gets to do it. If that was his thinking from the get go i wouldnt start a relationship like that. I understand i hurt him but playing the game of getting even, hurting others back, instead of forgiveness just doesnt make a good relationship.

i have worked 4 years of this relationship alone, being the sole provider for our family while he either sat at home playing video games or did his online schooling for 2 years. I told him that online schooling wasnt a good choice for our situation when he was first looking into it because we where barely getting by. he still joined into it instead of looking for work and now he's unsure if he wants to pursue a career in that field.... now he has to pay off 20k in debt for something he doesnt want to do anymore. I told him from the day he started i was not touching that debt that when he finished he had to pay it or i would leave him. I was so tired of paying for everything, caring for everything.

I do game myself, and i understand gaming in moderation for fun or social interaction but when you're so hooked into a game that half your day you sit on the computer, it leaves no time for the family.

He's got a job now he waited till the last month to start looking. He also adopted 3 cats before he got a job and i told him be barely get by each month we dont need 3 cats maybe 1 not 3. he stubbornly said that if i didnt agree to 3 he would take all 5. I told him he had to care for all of them, and get a job within that month to pay for them and he agreed. took him 3 months to get the job he said he would get in a month so i had to pay for the cats. they tore up our couch, costed up bank in worming, fleaing, food costs. I have to fill up their water bowl and food because he constantly forgets.

I feel like in decisions, if he wants something he has to get it or A he gets rude, mean, pissy or B gets it despite of what i think about it. there is no compromise. and if i dont agree im dumb/stupid/retarded/overacting.

Another point was when i was at the grocery store after i had just got off work he made me go despite me telling him my feet hurt, i was irritable and asked if we could do it tomorrow. He got hissy so i just went with him. while at the store our daughter was sleepy and she was ready for a nap and she gets to the point where she gets moody and cries alot. well he wanted to do alot of shopping and was making me deal with our daughter who also didnt want to be there. while leaving the store she broke in a burst of crying then stopped. he said to me "your lucky she stopped on her own or i was going ot leave you here"

she started up again and i informed her she needed to stop and that she was acting bad even though i feel like she should have been told anything because its not her fault she's being drug around the store. He then goes on to tell me that i was punishing her wrong that i was calling her a bad kid and now she would think she's a bad kid. I told him that i said she was acting bad. not that shes a bad kid. he went on for several nights about this but i stood my ground and told him that his way of punishment isnt always the right way nor is mine. but that he needed to accept that i had a view on raising our child. he pretty much just brushed it off and let it go. leaving me feel bad for standing up for myself.

everyday is frustrating, he doesnt listen and thinks of himself over family.
Oh wow...yeah, you better seriously consider leaving...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
I feel so bad because i want it to work, i have put so much into this relationship just to feel like crap everyday. I dont feel special to him at all. Im sure he has some sort of love in his heart for me but he's got one sick and twisted way of showing it.

I would have to leave everything i own behind, i would have no place to store it. so once i leave its completely over. It hurts to think about it but to think about having the rest of my life put down and not respected day to day, the pros and cons...i should really make a list.

should i perhalps just stay here for a year or two and wait for everything to settle down after the break?

Im also afraid i'll fall for it again like i do every time. The sweet act, the i'll do anything for you. then after i give him what he wants he shows his true self.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,214 Posts
OP,
Your boyfriend is a selfish control freak who needs to constantly berate you and put you down in order to feel good about himself.

The porn and the live cams are an extension of his abusive ways.
He does not love nor respect you. He knows that you may have a problem with your self esteem, and he knows that you love him.
He is manipulating you.

Its time to start loving yourself and think about an exit strategy.
Your life will be better off without him , no matter how difficult that first move is.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,079 Posts
OP,
Your boyfriend is a selfish control freak who needs to constantly berate you and put you down in order to feel good about himself.

The porn and the live cams are an extension of his abusive ways.
He does not love nor respect you. He knows that you may have a problem with your self esteem, and he knows that you love him.
He is manipulating you.

Its time to start loving yourself and think about an exit strategy.
Your life will be better off without him , no matter how difficult that first move is.
:iagree:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
Thats exactly what my best friend says, when she messaged me saying he was controlling me he some how read the message then told me he didnt want me talking about our relationship problems with her because i make him sound bad and i dont tell my side of the story and so on.

I stopped talking to her for a year or so and went on hurting every day knowing i had no one to talk to, no friends, no one to explain how i felt. I couldnt tell him because everytime its the same thing, "dont be dumb".

My best friend knows everything about me and i have no problem admitting to her the things i feel i had done wrong. I guess he just doesnt see what he's doing is wrong.

I want to give him the chance to open his eyes but i feel like i would only be trying to change him. which everyone knows how changing a person goes :/ But being the father of my child its hard to not give him a chance.

Im also worried about what will happen when i move, he's had sad bouts where he was going to kill himself by running his car off the road and such. Our daughter is his world, he has said before that if i ever tried to take her he would kill me. Not sure if it was a joke or an open threat.

I feel like i need time alone to breath and look into my own life not being smothered by him. it feels so hard, I've never gone without a guy since i started dating at 15. I clung on and went guy to guy. I really thought that i was done this is it i dont want to spring load and jump anymore.

I remember when i first moved down i would cry alot because i felt so sad leaving everything i loved behind for one guy. he was really soft at first but after a while he turned and eventually when i would cry he would tell me to stop being a baby, that i needed to stop and so on. Now i feel when i cry i have to hide from him. usually i find myself lying in bed next to him sleeping silently crying thinking what did i do to deserve this? I feel trapped inside myself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,456 Posts
I feel so bad because i want it to work, i have put so much into this relationship just to feel like crap everyday. I dont feel special to him at all. Im sure he has some sort of love in his heart for me but he's got one sick and twisted way of showing it.

I would have to leave everything i own behind, i would have no place to store it. so once i leave its completely over. It hurts to think about it but to think about having the rest of my life put down and not respected day to day, the pros and cons...i should really make a list.

should i perhalps just stay here for a year or two and wait for everything to settle down after the break?

Im also afraid i'll fall for it again like i do every time. The sweet act, the i'll do anything for you. then after i give him what he wants he shows his true self.
OP, the longer you're with him the lower your self-esteem will become and, in that mindset, leaving will become increasingly difficult.

You might be concerned about leaving your possessions behind, but in time they can be replaced.

Some years ago I had to leave an abusive relationship and, apart from my dignity and self-respect, left with zilch. It was difficult, but I soon managed to get a nice home together again, and I now have a man in my life who is (more than) worthy of the love I have to offer...

Love yourself enough, OP, to go get the sort of life that you and your child deserve.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,456 Posts
Im also worried about what will happen when i move, he's had sad bouts where he was going to kill himself by running his car off the road and such. Our daughter is his world, he has said before that if i ever tried to take her he would kill me. Not sure if it was a joke or an open threat.
The ultimate form of control...

If I were in your shoes, OP, I'd pay a visit to your local Women's Centre and have them help you form a safe exit plan. Don't talk to him about leaving if you think it is unsafe to do so. You need to get some much needed support to help you make the right decision.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,369 Posts
OP,
Your boyfriend is a selfish control freak who needs to constantly berate you and put you down in order to feel good about himself.

The porn and the live cams are an extension of his abusive ways.
He does not love nor respect you. He knows that you may have a problem with your self esteem, and he knows that you love him.
He is manipulating you.

Its time to start loving yourself and think about an exit strategy.
Your life will be better off without him , no matter how difficult that first move is.

Yes, this is exactly how it was living with my ex. Even his reasons: "if I never tell you, you'll never improve yourself".

The verbal abuse escalated to physical abuse.

Are you afraid of him? If you are, battered women's shelters will help you get on your feet.

If you are poor you can still contact United Way for counseling and all sorts of assistance in finding a home, furnishings, a job and child care.

Good Luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
126 Posts
OP,
Your boyfriend is a selfish control freak who needs to constantly berate you and put you down in order to feel good about himself.

The porn and the live cams are an extension of his abusive ways.
He does not love nor respect you. He knows that you may have a problem with your self esteem, and he knows that you love him.
He is manipulating you.

Its time to start loving yourself and think about an exit strategy.
Your life will be better off without him , no matter how difficult that first move is.
:iagree:
:iagree:

Your daughter is a victim here as well. Take steps NOW.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Cosmos
1 - 20 of 21 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top