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My wife and I have been having problems it seems throughout our 6 year marriage. She is a control freak. It has gone from our home to controlling me to a great extent. She quit a good job soon after we got married so we could try to have kids through fertility treatments but it didn't work out. We never had kids. She never went back to work. I have resented that since despite the fact that I make enough money to support us.

Over the course of the years I have moved out and then back 5times. She usually did some crazy thing that provoked me to move out as I though I was done with the marriage. The longest I stayed away was 3 weeks last year. I just moved out again this past week because during a conversation, she told me that she had moved all of our savings into an account that only she controlled. I asked her to put my name on that account and she said she wouldn't. I asked her then to give me half the money and she said she won't. She says she has it as "security" in case I ever left again. I told her that if she didn't put me back on the account I would leave. She refused, so I have left.

I found out she had been moving monies into this account only she controlled methodically over time. I also found out that over the course of the last few years she had been paying down her pre marital student loans and now they are almost paid off. So, I've paid for a college education that she refuses to use. She also admitted to me that she had spoken to lawyers when I moved out for a couple of days in the past.

I don't have any access to any of the money I have earned. Again, she has not worked in 6 years. All the savings (100K) are money that I have earned.

Now, I am at a crossroads. A lawyer told me that I am approaching a point in my marriage where if I get divorced after being married for 7 years I risk paying long term alimony. So, I have to make a decision fairly quickly. My wife refuses to go to counseling for our issues and now I find out she has been doing this with our money behind my back. She has always handled the finances in the house and now I don't know if I can trust her.

The thing is I still love my wife despite all our issues. I don't want a divorce, but yet, I don't want to continue down a road of fighting that we have had a pattern of for 6 years, get divorced later (if she wants out) and then get stuck paying her alimony for years and years. It's just not fair.

At this point, I've been away from the house for 5 days. Not a call from her. No communication. I haven't tried either. I dread being alone and starting over at 47. I'm sure she feels the same. What do I do now though? I can't trust her, but yet I love her? WTF is wrong with me??
 

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Dude...I like to be pretty blunt so I'm just gonna say it. Grow a pair and get your sh!t together already! You know how much trouble I would be in if I took all our money and put it into an account my husand had no access to, then refuse him access??? This isn't sounding good at all. I think you need to cut your losses and start over because it doesn't sound like she is on your side at all. She's on her own side. She doesn't sound like she wants things to work. I say you need to go.
 

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There is nothing confusing here. She has taken your joint money and made it her own--for years. She has no respect for you. You are a meal ticket. As your attorney told you, you need to divorce her now if you want to have a chance to minimize your alimony obligations to this woman who has already taken you to the cleaners.
 

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I know I need to "grow a pair". However, when you love someone, you try to justify your feelings. I know what I need to do. I just don't want to do it. I have always trusted her handling the finances, now how can I ever trust her again? I don't know what she's been doing over the course of our troubled marriage. It almost seems like we should have more than 100K in savings. I've never looked. I've just worked and put money in the bank. I was always so tired from working that I thought she would look after OUR best interests.

As soon as I conclude this entry, I'm completing the divorce petition and filing it tomorrow. I have to stop the clock on this marriage already.

I'm another nice guy that finished last. This is my second marriage. All I wanted was a family of my own. I work hard, don't do drugs, don't drink except socially, have never cheated on any relationship, I'm respectful and helpful to her family which I care about, I've paid all her bills, built her a brand new home, she drives a brand new car while I drive a 16 year old pick up truck, and this is what I get. Never again. This is my last marriage. The alimony laws in this country are ridiculous. To think that my wife may get (per my lawyer) 5 grand a month in alimony for the next 3 years after sitting on her ass for the last 6 years just kills me.

Thank you all.
 

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I know I need to "grow a pair". However, when you love someone, you try to justify your feelings. I know what I need to do. I just don't want to do it. I have always trusted her handling the finances, now how can I ever trust her again? I don't know what she's been doing over the course of our troubled marriage. It almost seems like we should have more than 100K in savings. I've never looked. I've just worked and put money in the bank. I was always so tired from working that I thought she would look after OUR best interests.

As soon as I conclude this entry, I'm completing the divorce petition and filing it tomorrow. I have to stop the clock on this marriage already.

I'm another nice guy that finished last. This is my second marriage. All I wanted was a family of my own. I work hard, don't do drugs, don't drink except socially, have never cheated on any relationship, I'm respectful and helpful to her family which I care about, I've paid all her bills, built her a brand new home, she drives a brand new car while I drive a 16 year old pick up truck, and this is what I get. Never again. This is my last marriage. The alimony laws in this country are ridiculous. To think that my wife may get (per my lawyer) 5 grand a month in alimony for the next 3 years after sitting on her ass for the last 6 years just kills me.

Thank you all.
Right...you are a nice guy who did too much, gave too much, and ultimately made yourself look weak and sumbissive and she lost respect for you because you weren't "alpha" enough. Hard but simple truth. I have a buddy the same exact way. I feel for you guys, I really do. :(
 

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Hate to say it but it sounds like she's using you. And been using you. I can't imagine what this must feel like to you. But you need to get your things together and get a good lawyer so you're not stuck paying her anything more. She seems very content at where she is, being mean to you and its not worth your sanity emotionally to put up with her crap anymore. I know how hard it is to let someone you love go no matter WHAT they have done you, but you have to start some where =(
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Thank you all for your words. I know deep inside what I need to do. I just never thought I'd end up getting divorced.....again. The first one I got out unscathed financially, not this time.

I do love my wife, she tells me she loves me but her actions say differently. I have tried for so long, but I am at the end of the road. If I don't take action, I will screw my life up forever. I already will have to take a big hit and start over at 47. Life sucks.
 

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Thank you all for your words. I know deep inside what I need to do. I just never thought I'd end up getting divorced.....again. The first one I got out unscathed financially, not this time.

I do love my wife, she tells me she loves me but her actions say differently. I have tried for so long, but I am at the end of the road. If I don't take action, I will screw my life up forever. I already will have to take a big hit and start over at 47. Life sucks.
It will suck, but life also goes on. It can be good again.
 
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