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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
About a month ago, I noticed my husband acting differently toward me and asked him what I could do to be a better wife. Well he starts this whole thing of saying how he cares a lot for me, but doesn't think it's the kind of love you're suppose to have for a wife, and he think's we made a mistake (we have been married 2 years, together almost 5 and are both 23 years old). He says we don't have anything in common, no real common interests now that he no longer believes in God, and don't have any real conversations (just silly, and i love you conversations) . The lack of common interest has always been a concern somewhere in the back of our minds (and brought up in per-marital counseling), but we've just pushed it aside.

He feels like he was in love with the idea of love, and was in a way pressured into marrying me. I never pressured him, he brought it up, I kind of wanted to wait till we were a little older, but I felt (and still do) that he was 'the one' for me, so why wait? Apparently he had had thoughts of breaking up with me but felt I had never done anything wrong but love him and he didn't want to hurt me. I was also living with him and his mom a few months before our engagement and I didn't have anywhere else to go(long story), so he felt he couldn't break up with me because of that too. Also, his whole family loves me, so he has this girl that loves him so much, his family loves her, he can't break up with her, so why not marry her and hope everything just falls into place.

He says he has been just putting on a happy face for these 2 years, doing and saying the right things to make me happy. Well, he fooled me. Fooled everyone, and obviously, that can't last forever and has all come crumbling down.

I want more then anything for us to stay together...but if this is how he really feels, I don't see that happening =(....We have started going to marriage counseling, but we just started, can't really see how it's going. Right now, there is just so much tension between us, it's only making things worse.

He has talked to his family about all this and they have been less then supportive of him (which I certainly don't want or expect them to want him to get a divorce, but SOME form of support would be good). They are basically rejecting him and he has a big fear of rejection. He is depressed (I don't know if clinically or not, but just sad and moping around, and just wanting to go to bed after work, but being unable to sleep at the same time). I'm worried about him. He says he has never felt so sad and lonely before. When he said that, I said 'you still have me', but he's really just looking for someone to be on his side. He says he thinks about getting on the interstate and just keeping on driving, just running away from it all. He also says he wishes I would just give up on him...

I don't know what to do. It seems that our marriage is over, so maybe I should just roll over and give him what he wants...but I feel like I can't do that. That I at least have to try, because marriage means something. You can't just 'break up' once your married, you have to fight for it. I love him so much...I don't want it to end...

Does anyone have any suggestions to help us? Does anyone know what I can do to help him get out of his depression? Has anyone ever heard of this kind of situation before, and how did it end? Just looking for any insight in this whole stupid thing.
 

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It strikes me as a bit odd that your husband has such a huge fear of rejection, but he's willing to kick you and your marriage to the curb because you have grown apart. You both got married young, and it sounds like his motivation was due, in large part, to his family's acceptance of you. That's all well and good, but it's not necessarily the foundation upon which to build a marriage.

Nevertheless, he is depressed, unhappy, wants to run away via Interstate I'm-Outta-Here, and just give up. I don't know of anyway you can get another person out of their depression. If he's willing, he should go to IC to figure out what he wants to do from here and why he's so depressed.

You mentioned you have nothing in common since he no longer believes in God. What brought about that change? Do you think his lack of belief in some Higher Power may be causing your marital rift; in other words, did the two of you attend some type of religious services prior to his deciding not to believe in God?
 

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It sounds to me like your husband is in a deep clinical depression. When you are clinically depressed it seems like nothing positive could come out of anything, and that everything is futile. This may well be what is causing him to question his marriage. He needs to see an individual therapist and/or psychiatrist in my opinion. He may just be unable to love at this point but with help he can come back.
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If he's willing, he should go to IC to figure out what he wants to do from here and why he's so depressed.

You mentioned you have nothing in common since he no longer believes in God. What brought about that change? Do you think his lack of belief in some Higher Power may be causing your marital rift; in other words, did the two of you attend some type of religious services prior to his deciding not to believe in God?
What is IC? Counseling? He is going to get individual counseling with the marriage therapist, but that won't be till early next month.

I would definitely say some (if not all) of our problem would be solved if he believed in God again. Our faith is kind of what brought us together (We were in college, and when everyone was saying how they got trashed that weekend, he said he had been at a church lock-in). We spent quite a bit of time together going to church or church activities, going out after church with friends, etc. Now we don't have that. Other then our faith, we have always been very opposite.

As far as why he no longer believes, it starts with his nephew being diagnosed with leukemia at a little over 2 years old. My husband was part of a charismatic church at the time that preached healing, and falling out, and talking in tongues, etc. So he would go up to visit his nephew every time and lay hands on him to heal him. Well...he was never healed and passed away 9 months after being diagnosed. That was the beginning of the end of his faith. He stopped going to that charismatic church, and went to mine instead, but by then he had started looking more closely at the world and felt there could not be a God with all the bad that is in the world.
 

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Okay. Let me give you this as something to chew on. Lazarus was dead. Beyond dead. "He stinketh" as the KJV put it. Jesus took his sweet time getting there, didn't he? He raised Lazurus from the dead. Guess what? Lazurus eventually died.

Your husband has cast God aside out of grief and because he doesn't think God came through for healing. It is a tremendous tragedy, but God allows children to die. This is a fallen world. All of us die, some sooner rather than later.

This is a forum for relationship issues; how about you PM me, because I have several books I think may help with this situation. Both are written by Pastor James MacDonald. I'm not on this site to proselytize; thus the need for PM'ing. I don't know if I can help or not, but I'd like to give it a shot.

In the meantime, please don't give up on your husband. He is suffering from terrible grief and he is very angry with God. That's okay. It doesn't spell the end of your marriage.
 

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It sounds to me like your husband is in a deep clinical depression. When you are clinically depressed it seems like nothing positive could come out of anything, and that everything is futile. This may well be what is causing him to question his marriage. He needs to see an individual therapist and/or psychiatrist in my opinion. He may just be unable to love at this point but with help he can come back.
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:iagree::iagree::iagree:
 
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