[ConfusedWifey86]

I have tried and tried to write this thread but everytime i get half way through i stop writing... but anyway i will try again. A bit of back ground info for u all.

My husband and I have been together 8 years, married 4 with 3 amazing children aged 7, 5 and 3.
Anyway the best way to describe our marriage is loveless....
we never hold hands, sex is well crap, we do it his way and his way only and once he gets his load of its it, he rolls over and goes to sleep, i dont think I have cum since maybe 2008??
this year he forgot my birthday and still have gotten anything from him, i think since being with him he has brought me maybe 1 or 2 birthday presents.....
the other day i had an anxiety attack, and he didnt really care... i then went on to my fb and wrote about my attack and only alloud 10 people (that i am close with) to see my status well he found out about it and went nuts at me... i dont know if i want to stay with him and be miserable for the rest of my life or leave and have no one...
i have no family havent for 8 years my mum died on my 18th birthday and his family pretty much took me in, i guess im scared of being alone I do have my amazing kids but yeah, i dunno why Im writting guess Im just trying to find someone to relate to me???

oh so confused

 

[ConfusedWifey86]

we never really had one of those relationships that was amazing.. we met when i was 17, and then when my mum died I kinda just stayed cos i had no one.. then i had my first son, then the second, i thought it would get better once we got married but nope nothing, he does what he wants. he has been to new zealand twice without the kids and i (he went on a snow boarding holiday with his mates), goes to melbs all the time to see his mates, and snow trips on snow season, i have spent all of 3 nights away since having the kids.... we have been together since 2004 (the year my mum died)... for his birthday this year i paid for him to get a sleeve tattoo. which cost me $800. all i asked for for my birthday was a bike with a baby seat on the back so i could take the kids for a bike ride but nope nothing. not even a kiss.

 

[Soifon]

If you are really unhappy don't let the fear of being alone keep you in this relationship. If he isn't willing to communicate and try to make the relationship better go find someone who you can be happy with. Life is too short to spend it unhappy, especially if you know you would be unhappy for the rest of your life.

I didn't have three kids, just one toddler, but when I divorced I was living on the opposite side of the country from my family and friends. I couldn't move back home because we had a child together so I was stuck by myself. I made it work and I was SOOOOO much happier coming home alone just me and my son. I eventually found someone that I love immensely and he loves me the same. I have intergrated into his family and friends easily and am no longer alone. But again, I was happy alone. It let me focus on me and not on someone who didn't appreciate it and brought me down. There is nothing to fear about being alone. You'll be amazed at what you are capable of.

 

[heavensangel]

What's worse? Being alone alone or being alone in a marriage? What will you really be missing besides extra laundry? When it's said and done, he'll be the real loser in the end.

I agree with Soifon.....don't let your 'fear' control your happiness. You will absolutely be amazed at what you can do when push comes to shove and you have the best form of motivation - 3 wonderful kids that you'll have with you.

Well, you also have us here at TAM for support!!!

 

[ankh]

I know the thought of being 'alone' is terrifying, but aren't you currently really 'alone' anyway, since he may pass through but never really is there?

Has he always been so distant and disconnected?

You need to reach out and connect and establish a support network with others, both online and in person. You mentioned your FB 'friends' already, but you need to meet and build relationships with others you can personally lean on for support too.

Will he even talk about sex with you, or are you left to take matters into your own hands?

 

[ConfusedWifey86]

we have never ever really been affectionate like other couples, have never really been the ones to hold hands or kiss in public nothing like that, ever really.

I have a lot of friends where I live, and a few that I trust with my life and that i can talk to them about everything (and I do), my fb friends are my friends that I have in real life, I dont have anyone on my fb that I haven't met before.

When I talk to him about sex, he doesn't say much... I have to give him hand, or head or sex (but sex is always his way), and I never get anything in return.. his excuse is that he doesnt like oral or foreplay. And he doesn't like hair.... in saying that I go to my salon every 2-3 weeks!!! it drives me INSANE!

Im not scared of being without him, I am just scared of losing the only family that I have.... (his family) I only have my Dad and he lives 4 hours away from me and we aren't exactly close. He is also battling cancer at the moment. (and I am there for my Dad whenever he needs me, we just aren't close never have been).

 

[ankh]

How would he not love oral sex? I know lots of men just don't get the need for foreplay, but oral pleasuring their lover? That is the most intimate expression of love a man can give his lover.

 

[ConfusedWifey86]

Posted via Mobile Device

 

[ConfusedWifey86]

Ok so today I spent the day with my friends came home n nothing was done that I had asked... oh sorry he went shopping cos I left a list in the car before I left.... anyway I got home n started cleaning then told him I had to go to my friends place tonight to give her sons of anarchy.. anyway I gotthekids sorted for bed rinsed the dishes n left was gone for an hour or so got back he goes straight to the shower then comes back asking for had I ddsimply said no cos I am sick of giving n not receiving. Anyway he goes to down the hallway n said I'll se you tomorrow night I call out asking don't I even get a kiss and he just shuts the door. How do I go about bringing up the talk about separating??? I'm so over being in this relationship ps sorry for any spelling mistakes I'm on my phone lol
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[ankh]

Have you had hubby tested for hearing loss? Maybe he can't hear.

You deserve for better than this.

 

[woundedwarrior]

Sounds like you're making the right decision and if he won't talk to you about it then just you do the talking, but make a plan of action. I'm praying for you.

 

[ConfusedWifey86]

Thankyou so much.... just trying to find our how to make that plan of action.....
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[ankh]

If you make a move, say in kicking him out, or demanding changes or else, will he comply or fight?

 

[ConfusedWifey86]

im not sure what u mean there ankh.... will he comply or fight??
we had a break last year, and said if we ever went back to the way we were (which this is by far worse i think...) that we would end it... then the other night he said if I keep being miserable and so on, he is out. and as soon as his folks get back from their holiday we will really have a talk about everything (i think so he has a place to stay..) but in saying that I dont know how to start the talk... How do u start the talk???

 

[ankh]

I suppose you set aside some time, without any DISTRACTIONS, and ask questions, state how you feel, what you think, and then let him respond.

As for the 'comply or fight' question, will he comply with your desires to communicate by sitting down to discuss issues, or will he fight doing that, i.e., refuse to talk?