I very recently exposed my wife having an affair with her new business partner. This is quite a long story, but I did not approve of the business to start off with, because I knew her business judgment is flawed, but she started anyway (I’m her bookkeeper so I know what financials are). Her recent history in business lead me to believe this business would fail, because her financial skills are poor (and I had recently bailed her out of $50k in business debt). So it turned out that my intuition was right about this business; her new partner turned out to be a dud, and to top it off, she started having a emotional/sexual affair with him. She vehemently denied having the affair every time I brought it up. One night, she stormed off in anger saying she was spending the night at her friends house. I had a GPS tracker on her car, discovered she spent the night at her business partners house. Amazing to me, she quite forcefully denied anything was going on. Eventually I found out the hard way that was actually having sex with him, and she finally angrily admitted it.
She tries to partially blame her seeking the affair on my treatment of her. She claims she has been unhappy for two years, and that I refused to seek a marriage counselor until a couple of months ago. I can take accountability for some of this, but I can’t help but think her unhappiness is just a result of our irreconcilable differences. Her business is her life, regardless of its financial success (she’s happy if she has clients but no profit). She seems to want to hang out with her clients, whereas I have no desire to (mostly because of no commonality). Finally, she seems to have regressed over the past decade and wants to spend more time with old high school/college friends who don’t have anything in common (e.g. unmarried or live far away). I’m trying to make new friends in our community who have kids like us, but she makes no effort her self to do this and often resists when I do. I feel like she just wants to play with her kids a couple of hours a week, and do her own thing the rest of the time (watch TV or work too much given her low pay).
We have two young kids, and I feel like I owe it to the kids to try and save our marriage, but I feel this is almost hopeless. She claims she will stop the sexual affair and eventually break off communication. However, she claims she cannot immediately stop communication because of her contractual business commitments with her. I could almost understand that, but I continue to see her spend inordinate amounts of time on the phone with him (much more than I would think necessary to conduct business). To top it off, she continues to spin off into new business relations, that on the surface sound viable the way she describes them; but I have so little faith in her at this point,I can’t believe she just won’t go find a job. She is willing to see a marital counselor, but she doesn’t seem very contrite giving how much she is betrayed me both emotionally and financially. I am beginning to believe there maybe nothing that I can do to save her soul, and it’s time to move on. I’m torn between getting a at-fault divorce, not divorcing at all and working it out, and separating and trying to work it out. I’m just concerned I’d be wasting my time by not ending it immediately. She is still cold and distant, but claims she wants to work on it. I’m not sure if she’s just trying to go along for a free ride for a few months or a year before she just decides to quit. She says she still loves me, but I can’t believe she still goes to ex-partner for emotional support.
She tries to partially blame her seeking the affair on my treatment of her. She claims she has been unhappy for two years, and that I refused to seek a marriage counselor until a couple of months ago. I can take accountability for some of this, but I can’t help but think her unhappiness is just a result of our irreconcilable differences. Her business is her life, regardless of its financial success (she’s happy if she has clients but no profit). She seems to want to hang out with her clients, whereas I have no desire to (mostly because of no commonality). Finally, she seems to have regressed over the past decade and wants to spend more time with old high school/college friends who don’t have anything in common (e.g. unmarried or live far away). I’m trying to make new friends in our community who have kids like us, but she makes no effort her self to do this and often resists when I do. I feel like she just wants to play with her kids a couple of hours a week, and do her own thing the rest of the time (watch TV or work too much given her low pay).
We have two young kids, and I feel like I owe it to the kids to try and save our marriage, but I feel this is almost hopeless. She claims she will stop the sexual affair and eventually break off communication. However, she claims she cannot immediately stop communication because of her contractual business commitments with her. I could almost understand that, but I continue to see her spend inordinate amounts of time on the phone with him (much more than I would think necessary to conduct business). To top it off, she continues to spin off into new business relations, that on the surface sound viable the way she describes them; but I have so little faith in her at this point,I can’t believe she just won’t go find a job. She is willing to see a marital counselor, but she doesn’t seem very contrite giving how much she is betrayed me both emotionally and financially. I am beginning to believe there maybe nothing that I can do to save her soul, and it’s time to move on. I’m torn between getting a at-fault divorce, not divorcing at all and working it out, and separating and trying to work it out. I’m just concerned I’d be wasting my time by not ending it immediately. She is still cold and distant, but claims she wants to work on it. I’m not sure if she’s just trying to go along for a free ride for a few months or a year before she just decides to quit. She says she still loves me, but I can’t believe she still goes to ex-partner for emotional support.
