Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 41 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
40 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just can't believe what is happening. I know....everyone says they had no idea, but how about seriously...:
- July 19 love note left under my pillow. ..."I love our life, and I love you dearly. You are my best friend...."
- August 29, similar note left in my suitcase (going on business trip)
- Sept 8- tells me "you are very important to me."
- Sept 12- husband is really nasty to me when i come home from work....doesn't let up until i cry
- Sept 13- I come home from work to a note that he's left, should have done it a long time ago. He "just can't live with me anymore."

WTF?!?!?!?! How does this happen? We had a great life...we were the relationhsip everyone envied...we got along great, recently bought the house of our dreams, were making gardens, traveling, laughing....now he's taken everything that matters and smashed it to a million pieces.....i am heartbroken...how can this be?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
20 Posts
Sorry. Be strong, take deep breaths and remember every day is better than the previous, emotionally.

I'm going through something somewhat similar. Just be strong and be good to yourself. Things may get better, but be good to yourself and remember to be patient.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
336 Posts
Sorry. Be strong, take deep breaths and remember every day is better than the previous, emotionally.

I'm going through something somewhat similar. Just be strong and be good to yourself. Things may get better, but be good to yourself and remember to be patient.
:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
40 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
An affair. It's simple.
Ouch. Why is that such a simple conclusion? Although i realize that clearly its more than likely, how could there be NO signs of a relationship hot and heavy enough to draw someone away from a new beautiful home where we had nothing but fun?!?! How could there be a relationship going on important enough that it would destroy my life if there were no signs? What makes this so simple?

We recently moved flippin across the country to be near his family - who is now my entire world and swoosh they're all gone and I am completely alone - how could he go from so sweet to so mean in 4 days. I have no idea what I am gonna do in a state where I have no one but a big house in a small town with nothin to do and a broken heart I just want to rip out of my chest. Not simple.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
406 Posts
I'd kill for a note with a decent explanation. Like you, mine came with no warning, and we were the couple people thought were doing so well. I loved her dearly and only found out something was wrong when I discovered her affair (at which point she told me she wanted a D). That was a couple weeks ago.

What I've learned so far is this:
1) exercise helps. The serotonin it creates makes the world seem a little more survivable for a while, and draining yourself helps you sleep (and gives you an appetite)

2) trying to get answers that make sense from them is pretty pointless. Sometimes I get what I want to hear, sometimes I get fluff and sometimes I get a look that says "you never understood me". Maybe one day I'll understand, but that will likely come from within, not from her.

3) fighting it does no good. I tell myself that at least I'll leave this knowing I did everything I could to save my marriage ... But every time I try, I leave feeling like she steamrolled me, got info I shouldn't have given her (my lawyer wouldn't approve) and feeling absolutely horrible about myself.

4) moving on cant hurt. I'm likely going to have to anyway and as the song goes "you don't know what you've got, till it's gone". I'm moving away. It will be tough but will definitely speed up the healing process. Too many setbacks here and what reason is there to focus on anything but me at this point?

I hope something in there helps you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
40 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thank you k. Trust me, explanation doesnt help....its just confusing...like you want to say "excuse me, have you lost your memory....i dont recall any of this! Arent u the same person who told me 3 DAYS AGO i was the live of ur life!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
485 Posts
wait to look in his eyes..then ask if there's someone else?

god..i have no idea what to say.... just start looking after you..

My once hero has been gone nine weeks and two days.
He's been captured by aliens I think.

Peony....you're not alone ok....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
40 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Funny i have a friend who was sure my H had been kidnapped....no way he could do that...for real! I assured her yeah he may be gagged and bound....but not completely against his will!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
453 Posts
Funny i have a friend who was sure my H had been kidnapped....no way he could do that...for real! I assured her yeah he may be gagged and bound....but not completely against his will!
Or some UFO's toke him :D

And he didn't have the balls to tell you in your face ?

OW , that is it . He feels guilty but doesn't want to confront you , he fear something.

Be strong , stay on 180, write here and do something you like . Gym helps allot .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
40 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Yeah, a note ......after 20 years.....and days before leaving: "you know how imp't you are to me right....you are the love of my life...you blah blah blah...."

Right....I see how imp't I am......for sure.......jerk!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
218 Posts
Peony,
I feel so bad for you.
What he has done is so wrong.
So cowardly and un-man like.

Have the notes been a consistant part of the relationship, or a more recent occurrance?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
453 Posts
Funny BigMac, I joined a gym tonite! Good vibes ;). Also, I am surprised how good writing on this board makes me feel!
I'm glad you joined the gym. It is great , helps allot. Writing here too .
Most important is to stay on 180 and keep busy , always do something and get tired so you can sleep and don't think about him.
We're here to help. Good luck, hope you get quick over it .
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,203 Posts
Remember.... You are not alone. I am going thru a similar situation and the common theme I hear is let him/her go and concenrate on you. I got hit with this on Oct 12th and still it is all I think about. I quit throwing up after I eat :) Thats a good thing. Listen to the advice on the board and let him go. Don't try to make it work. The ball is in his court. If you want him back or not is irrelevant. My wife cheated on me and left me alone with a toddler and a six year old. Shows absolutely no remorse. Time is what we need to heal. Be as strong as you can be my heart goes out to you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
72 Posts
So sorry you are going through this. I am in a similar situation. I've been married for almost 20 years and I got the ILYBINILWY speech and poof he was gone. I can tell you that after almost three months I feel a little stronger. I still keep questioning why and how this could happen, but I tell myself that that is pointless. It did happen and I tried everything I could to stop it :(

Hang in there.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
40 Posts
Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Why is the rejection so painful? I am sure I wouldn't even take him back!?!?! But it is KIlLING me that he can treat me and our home and our life not only like something that never mattered, but something he despises! Up until just days before he left he acted like it meant so much to him, and I loved him so much....

God when will you stop ripping my heart? When will I be able to stop crying?!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
93 Posts
Yoga works wonders. Gives you a mental break and some exercise at the same time. I started recently and am totally addicted, and I don't like indoor exercise. At all.

I don't know why it goes that way, but you're not the first I've heard about with the crazy flip-flop. I had a friend who posted on Facebook that it was her 10th anniversary and she was married to the man of her dreams, as well as some other posts and pics about her awesome man. Two weeks later, she kicked him out and moved in another man!!! I had to go back through Facebook and re-read her posts, because I had to have read that wrong! Another friend did a similar thing on Facebook. Maybe it's their guilt. They are doing you wrong, but feel bad because you're a good person, so they compliment you before making a break because they can't handle the guilt? At least your relationship problems weren't on Facebook, but dang, a letter!! That's wrong.
 
1 - 20 of 41 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top