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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband snores like a chainsaw. We fought over it (still do, but less) for a couple years as it got worse and he gained weight. At first I was the good nice tentative little wife, tapping him lightly and whispering, "Honey, you're snoring." Well I'd have to do that progressively louder, about 5 times before he'd wake up enough to turn over. By then I wasn't sounding so nice. He refused to leave the room. I tried ear plugs but found them uncomfortable, even the good ones. I couldn't sleep and really started resenting him for not trying to do anything about the snoring. I suggested we sleep in separate rooms but he threw a fit and was sure that would be the beginning of the end. Fast forward to now. I go to bed earlier than he does, read, fall asleep, then when he comes clunking up the stairs and gets into bed rather noisily, he always lies on his back and begins snoring almost right away. He also has sleep apnea and I've told him this so he's aware of it as a serious medical issue. I don't waste my breath anymore even saying anything or poking him. I just get up and go to our spare room, where my cats and sometimes the dog, follow me and snuggle in. Sometimes he asks as I'm leaving the room, "Why are you leaving?" in a pitiful little voice. "Cuz you're snoring," I say. "No I wasn't. I'm awake." I say, "Then why can't you hear yourself?" He grumbles and denies, and I go to the other room. It has allowed me to get sleep, but it has not been good for our marriage. Sleep is more important to me than intimacy.

Sorry, but the whole tennis ball sewn into the pajamas thing is too 1950s for me. The snoring is something he needs to "own" and address. He's a big boy. I'm not his mommy. Besides, he always just sleeps in whatever t-shirt he's lounging in for the evening. He falls asleep in front of the tv every night so wouldn't make the effort to wear a special garment. He's also tried the breath right strips, without much success.

Who else out there has a spouse that denies their snoring? How do you deal with it? Any success stories?
 

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I for one, hate snoring!!! it literally drives me insane. If i had to sleep with someone who snores, i think i would suffocate them with my pillow, then fall back asleep just to enjoy the pure silence of it all. lol.....but seriously, if ur husband wants to seriously sleep with u every night then he needs to see if the dr. can help him out. Its a respect thing too. He should respect u to go so u can get a good sleep. And why do u have to leave the room every night? If ur in there first, and ur asleep, then too frickin bad for him. He should not disturb u and head to the spare room! I feel for u. I hate snoring and the odd time I fall asleep after drinking and someone tells me im snoring, I actually am embarrased cuz i hate it so much. tell him to grow up and go to a dr. before u leave his snoring ass.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yep, I'm pretty sure we've already had that "discussion." lol It is totally a matter of respect. He is a man who does not like change. We take a vacation together every 2-3 years, and I've gotten to the point where I dread the sleeping arrangements part because hotel rooms are torture for me with his snoring. And who can afford a suite? This year I'm going on vacation with a girl friend instead.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Do you mean a c-pap? He'll have to initiate that one with his own doctor. Or is there some other kind of snore mask?
 

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I slept with a pillow over my head for 20 years due to my husband's snoring, found myself on the couch many nights because I could not sleep. As he aged and gained weight the snoring became worse. He tired nose strip, mouth pieces, nothing worked. I tried ear plugs and sleep aides and I would toss and turn. I knew this was nothing to fault him for, it was something he could not control but I had many a restless night. I would find myself half asleep, hearing him snoring and feeling too tired to get out of bed to sleep somewhere else. I was not sleeping, found myself tired the next day. Finally I decided enough was enough. I now sleep in our spare bedroom, and like you, the cats sleep there too. My husband doesn't complain anymore. At first he asked me why and what it meant for us. I have been sleeping in the spare room now for over a year and I very much enjoy sleeping without a pillow over my head!
 

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Sleep deprivation and / or continual interrupted sleep patterns are bad for our mental and physical health. Your H needs to seek medical treatment for his snoring asap, but in the interim he needs to accept that you must do whatever is necessary to ensure a decent night's sleep for yourself.
 

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Do you mean a c-pap? He'll have to initiate that one with his own doctor. Or is there some other kind of snore mask?
C-pap is for apnea which is cessation of breathing for long periods of time. A garden variety snorer doesn't need a c-pap.

I think you should record him and play it back. He probably has no idea how bad it is or how regularly it happens.
 

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C-pap is for apnea which is cessation of breathing for long periods of time. A garden variety snorer doesn't need a c-pap.
She said he does have sleep apnea. Was he diagnosed with it? Did he have a sleep study done? It's imperative that he gets it treated, if he does have it, because every time he stops breathing he is causing a little more heart and lung damage. I went 16 months with severe symptoms before I recognized them, then was diagnosed with a severe case. I have a BiPAP machine which helped tremendously. But a couple months later my wife left me and I've dropped 50 pounds as a result. Over the past week or so I've discovered that I don't even need the BiPAP anymore. He could find similar results by losing weight, but oftentimes that's not enough and we might still need CPAP or BiPAP.
 

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Yes, have him go see the doctor for the cpap machine.

If he snores like a chainsaw, then the sleep study could tell if he needs the cpap machine.


You will both get more rest. Have him call the doctor as soon as possible. It could change your life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
He's a typical "guy" guy in that he only goes to the doc when he's out of his prescription meds (high blood pressure, cholesterol, anti-depressant). I encourage him and cajole him and insist, and still he won't do anything more than the basic check up. He is about 75 lbs overweight, smokes, and won't exercise. He does try to eat right and I do make a concerted effort to help us both eat healthy, so he's not completely adverse to getting healthier, he just has such a hard time with inertia and taking those first steps. He also gets IBS (we think--not an actual diagnosis) but keeps putting off getting a colonoscopy. Yes, a wide range of health issues is going on here, not just the snoring and sleep apnea. He hasn't been diagnosed with the sleep apnea, but I've listened to him many times when he stops breathing, then gasps for air. Over and over. I wake him up when I hear it, but I just can't sleep next to him anymore. He's a big guy, so I can't just roll him over. I do what I have to do to save my own sanity. We don't have health insurance, and not sure what we'll do with the new ACA regs this first year (buy in or pay the fine). He's dead-set against Obamacare and is so politically charged in his conservative views that he thinks I'm crazy to even consider buying health insurance. Um, hello? It's now mandatory. It will be expensive for us since we're not low-income, just middle class, and haven't had the expense in recent years. Not sure where we'll come up withe the extra $1,000/month or so that it looks like it'll cost us. But if either of us gets seriously ill, there's no way we could pay for care.

Guess we have a LOT more issues going on here than just the snoring. Sorry, I've gotten off topic a bit. :-/
 

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And if he should happen to get himself diagnosed and, as a result, decides to stop working 70 hours per week in favor of getting healthy, and then tells you that you need to cut back on your spending instead of living your carefree lifestyle.....please don't divorce him.

Yeah, my wife did that.

[/RANT]
 

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This came up when the wife and I got married and I first moved in with her. I never really knew I snored TBH.

Had some sleep studies done and it isn't sleep apnea or anything like that. Just plain old fashioned snoring. Turns out snoring is really pretty common and most of the time isn't really a health problem.

There are a few things you can do though, loosing weight can help but at the same time it may not. Sleeping on your side is generally the most effective according to my wife.
 

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Turns out snoring is really pretty common and most of the time isn't really a health problem.
Most of the time, it probably isn't. But a significantly higher percentage of snoring IS due to apnea than the percentage of people who take the snoring serious enough to get it checked out.
 
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