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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A new thread for me. Been in 5 month relationship. Exclusive. I went away with boyfriend this weekend and got into the shower and his phone was there. A text message popped up from a woman. It was nothing serious but I snooped and saw that earlier in the week she had texted with him. Turns out they work together and he texted her "I can see your vagina right now ha ha" ...

I nearly had a heart attack.

Question. Do I confront? Do I ignore? Do I dump? It just destroyed me.
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if you dont trust him ask, but that text doesnt red flag me. if im sitting mext to someone i know and say his fly was down and i could see his marbles i would text him to tell him that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 · (Edited)
Well it started with him asking her if she liked his hair, and if the style made him look old and then joking and then....Him saying I can see your vagina ha ha... Just joking ...


She responded by saying "I bet you see a lot of them" ...


He told me that everyone in his office knows he has a girlfriend.


if you dont trust him ask, but that text doesnt red flag me. if im sitting mext to someone i know and say his fly was down and i could see his marbles i would text him to tell him that.
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like i said it may be nothing but if your gut says its something go with your gut and talk to him. just saying none of that has red flagged me. BUT this is about you go with your gut you have to live with it
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I feel bad about snooping... I'm certain he would tell me it was just joking around and then get mad at me for snooping.

But I haven't ever teased anyone via text about seeing their dic$.



like i said it may be nothing but if your gut says its something go with your gut and talk to him. just saying none of that has red flagged me. BUT this is about you go with your gut you have to live with it
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All I can say is that is not the kind of comment that I would find acceptable for one to make to another person while in a monogamous relationship. I am over 40, things may be different with your age group.

If it destroyed you, then this may not be the right person for you.

EDIT: unless one was really drunk.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
He's 47... And this was his administrative assistant.

It happened during work hours.

Would you confront or just dump... It sucks...


All I can say is that is not the kind of comment that I would find acceptable for one to make to another person while in a monogamous relationship. I am over 40, things may be different with your age group.

If it destroyed you, then this may not be the right person for you.

EDIT: unless one was really drunk.
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It are three red flags here,

1. Coworker texts in the weekend, a light one.
2. The sexting about private parts, heavy one.
3. Your gut feeling, also a heavy one.

Snooping is justified here seen the sexting. But you should better not confront him. If it is a relation, they would take it underground and hide it better. So you need not to tell you saw this, but start investigating.

If there are more doubts about your relation, tell so, because it does not look nice to me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Yes there have been other red flags... It's just really sad because we were having an amazing weekend.

I really want to tell him what happened when/if I end it...but I know it will make me look bad for snooping.

I'm just sad...


It are three red flags here,

1. Coworker texts in the weekend, a light one.
2. The sexting about private parts, heavy one.
3. Your gut feeling, also a heavy one.

Snooping is justified here seen the sexting. But you should better not confront him. If it is a relation, they would take it underground and hide it better. So you need not to tell you saw this, but start investigating.

If there are more doubts about your relation, tell so, because it does not look nice to me.
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Well cheer up a little, the read flags mean you have to be vigilant, not that everything is lost!

If you would read some similar threads you get an idea what happens, sometimes there is an EA/PA, sometimes not. Either case you have to wait and see.

I hope for the best for you. Take care.
 

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Given the other issues you've posted about in the past few weeks, I've got to ask... Why bother? You sounded bordering on dumping him before the weekend.

Dating is a time to find out about the other person and how well you fit together. I'd suggest finding someone that you're a better fit with.

C
 

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He's 47... And this was his administrative assistant.

It happened during work hours.
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This isn't going to work out well, so this is purely academic. His administrative assistant WILL save the vagina email. She now has him by the short hairs. He needs to understand PROFESSIONAL boundaries, if not personal ones.

There is no way...NO FREAKIN' WAY...I'd ever text a work mate about her vagina. No way. A lover, maybe. But my SECRETARY?
 

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This isn't going to work out well, so this is purely academic. His administrative assistant WILL save the vagina email. She now has him by the short hairs. He needs to understand PROFESSIONAL boundaries, if not personal ones.

There is no way...NO FREAKIN' WAY...I'd ever text a work mate about her vagina. No way. A lover, maybe. But my SECRETARY?
I'd dump his sorry ass because I wouldn't want to have to weather a sexual harassment suit as his wife....... and then have both our pants sued off of us.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Do I tell him WHY I'm dumping...? I must admit it would be interesting to just reply to one of his texts to me and and ask if he can see my vagina...

Omg. Seriously that word wouldn't ever come out of my mouth.. Not his (if I believe his upscale behavior). Ugh...

I went back and saw that he put a security code lock on his phone so I don't think I'd be able to monitor his behavior.

I'd dump his sorry ass because I wouldn't want to have to weather a sexual harassment suit as his wife....... and then have both our pants sued off of us.
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Sorry but your in a 5 month relationship and you want to be able to monitor his behavior? Does this guy think he is in a exclusive relationship? He isnt even divorced yet right?
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I went back and saw that he put a security code lock on his phone so I don't think I'd be able to monitor his behavior.
He put the lock on after you had seen the texts... my guess is that he suspects you did, and doesn't want you seeing any more, if he was unconcerned about such things before.
 
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