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....and at what point do you decide you suspect enough to snoop? Is anything off limits? When we are married do we lose any expectation of privacy from our spouse?
 

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....and at what point do you decide you suspect enough to snoop? Is anything off limits? When we are married do we lose any expectation of privacy from our spouse?
There was a case here in the UK of a guy who recently went to jail for snooping on his wife - hacked into her accounts without her knowledge/permission and the law treated him like a scumbag identity thief rather than like a wronged husband. Just be careful.
 

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There are no secrets in a marriage, no matter what the cheating pols pass as laws. Just keep your sources hidden. You become a detective to protect your family, not to use it in court.

Why do you think you need to?
 

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There was a case here in the UK of a guy who recently went to jail for snooping on his wife - hacked into her accounts without her knowledge/permission and the law treated him like a scumbag identity thief rather than like a wronged husband. Just be careful.
Could you cite your source please on this one?
 

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Here you go:

Husband facing five years in jail after hacking wife's email - Telegraph

Actually, I presumed it was a UK case but seems to have happened in the US.
Seems like a case of a female prosecutor with an ax to grind and a wicked case of Prosecutorial Overreach. The law still wouldn't stop me from doing it. I just don't give a fvck about the law when it comes to things like this. Hacking my wife's e-mail prevented an emotional affair and I'm happy I did it.
 

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Hey guys - don't shoot the messenger. I'm just pointing out a risk.

We all have to take our own decisions in life, weighing up the risks.
 
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cavenger : The point at which you decide to snoop is a personal one. We all see things differently. What red flags have led you to the point of wanted to check things out ?

As far as anything being off limits, if you really think your are being cheated on, I feel you have to do whatever it takes (and can afford, i.e. PI) to find out the truth.

And IMO, you give up rights to privacy in a marriage. You are NOT supposed to keep secrets from your spouse. If a person wants privacy, they can always be single.
 

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Seems like a case of a female prosecutor with an ax to grind and a wicked case of Prosecutorial Overreach. The law still wouldn't stop me from doing it. I just don't give a fvck about the law when it comes to things like this. Hacking my wife's e-mail prevented an emotional affair and I'm happy I did it.
From a PR standpoint, I wouldn't, at all, be surprised to ultimately see the DA in this particular county summarily dismiss this assistant lady prosecutor from his office for simple dereliction of duty.

Seems like that she needs far more time under her belt serving as a public defender first, to gain a little more knowledge about research capability, empathy, as well as adhering to common-sense legal principles, in trying to do her job; all while frivelously spending the people's monetary tax-dollar resources in trying to do it!
 

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Hey guys - don't shoot the messenger. I'm just pointing out a risk.

We all have to take our own decisions in life, weighing up the risks.
Not shooting the messenger, but suggesting respectfully that before posting warnings as facts that all the facts get understood first as advice does influence people even on the Internet, and incomplete advice can do harm.

That one case keeps coming up, and thankfully word is beginning to get around that the case got dropped completely, and the over zealous prosecutor won't be bringing any more like it.

In fact if anything, the failure of the case and the bad notoriety it brought the prosecutor will likely give pause to anyone trying to charge a spouse like that.
 

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Back to the OP.

Marriages should have NO secrets.

Marriage is about loyalty. If you are lying and keeping secrets from your SO, you are not being loyal.
I agree about the no secrets !! My wife has each and everyone of my user id's and passwords for the various forums i am on and i have full access to hers !?!? There is no hiding anything ...... this is my best friend and the love of my life. The woman i want to grow old with and have next to me in my grave when its time ...... why would i hide anything from her !?!?
 

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I agree about the no secrets !! My wife has each and everyone of my user id's and passwords for the various forums i am on and i have full access to hers !?!? There is no hiding anything ...... this is my best friend and the love of my life. The woman i want to grow old with and have next to me in my grave when its time ...... why would i hide anything from her !?!?
My husband said we are not Siamese twins and both need own life and own secrets. I sort of agree with this, although I do not think we should have secrets which might bring harm to our marriage.
Once i snoopped (and found something) and he even threatened me with a lawyer, that it is illegal. At that time I found he looked at women/escorts/sexy pictures online. He started making fun of me :"now you discovered my dirty little secret, are you happy?" It got worse after this , of course, and now I think it improved, but for how long? It is out of my hands! Now I cannot snoop or read his emails, because he gets furious , saying I misinterpret things, and he got me to swear about this in our counselor's office. The counselor actually kind of agreed with him.
 

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My husband said we are not Siamese twins and both need own life and own secrets. I sort of agree with this, although I do not think we should have secrets which might bring harm to our marriage.
Once i snoopped (and found something) and he even threatened me with a lawyer, that it is illegal. At that time I found he looked at women/escorts/sexy pictures online. He started making fun of me :"now you discovered my dirty little secret, are you happy?" It got worse after this , of course, and now I think it improved, but for how long? It is out of my hands! Now I cannot snoop or read his emails, because he gets furious , saying I misinterpret things, and he got me to swear about this in our counselor's office. The counselor actually kind of agreed with him.

Nobody likes to be known as a snoop. On most forums, snoopers are given written lashings by most people. However, I think there comes a time where snooping is justified. If you aren't a normally insecure person and all of a sudden a bunch of things just don't look right, your gut is telling you something is wrong/to be suspicious of cheating and you've asked your spouse already... then I think it's necessary to do some sleuthing on your own.

I am not/was not a habitual snooper but once my instincts got the better of me and my ex's continuous lies just didn't satisfy, I snooped. I turned out to be right - he was cheating. If something just doesn't look right, it probably isn't.

People say that you should just walk away, don't snoop if you don't trust the other person but it's not always that easy. I wasn't going to break up my home (1 kid, one on the way at the time) based on a bad gut feeling. Especially given how I'd learned to doubt myself over the years and months with his crazymaking and gaslighting... He wasn't being honest, so I snooped.
 

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Once i snoopped (and found something) and he even threatened me with a lawyer, that it is illegal.
And your answer to him should have been: "Go right the fvck ahead and do it." I guarantee you that would have shut him up.

EDIT:
The counselor actually kind of agreed with him.
You need to find a new counselor, this one's a quack.
 

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....and at what point do you decide you suspect enough to snoop? Is anything off limits? When we are married do we lose any expectation of privacy from our spouse?
All is fair in love and war. If your marriage is #1 then all else is trumped.

I believ in transaprency. So the best time for this is always. I do not have to snoop as I stay in tune with my wife. I have access to all her accounts and she mine. Kinda solves this whole thing.

Basically if you have to ask this question it is long over due. Nothing wrong with protecting your marriage. Just do not start accusing anyone of anything without reason. You can do a stealth check. If you do not have access then I would get with your spouse on transparency.

One way to breach this is to do His Needs Her Needs and do the boundary setting.

My wife and I follow transparency and POJA. Policy Of Joint Agreement. There is not privacy in marriage beyond the restroom. It is about intimacy. Get ya some.

Marriage is about Love and Respect. Trust is a by product. But realize most affairs are with folks who honestly think they are just friends. So you can trust nature in this. Blind trust is naive, lazy and and / or ambivalent.

Oh and transaprency saved my marriage. I was in an EA and my wife saved our marriage.
 
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