Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
21 - 40 of 68 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
221 Posts
I had to learn when I was 16. It was a little frustrating at first but you catch on really quick. It’s not that complicated.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,457 Posts
I agree with your wife 100 percent. Anyone, and I mean anyone can learn to drive a manual shift. My boyfriend bought my first one and when we drove it off the lot, I had less than 20 minutes to learn how to drive it and get to work on time. You don't have the right to give up and then expect her to take up your slack. Under any other circumstances, I would be happy to drop you off and pick you up, but I wouldn't simply because you refuse to learn how to drive the car that is available. You don't get to bug me instead. Like she said, these are the consequences.

I will tell you that not everyone is good at teaching how to drive a stick. Many years before I began dating the boyfriend who bought my first stick, I dated a guy who owned a stick, but I couldn't learn how to drive it per his instructions. I also thought it was me, that I just couldn't learn how to drive a manual shift car. But the later boyfriend made more sense in his instructions. I couldn't believe how easy it was and realized it wasn't me at all, so maybe your girlfriend isn't the best teacher, but that's still no excuse to give up learning. Ask someone else to teach you.

Get this:
My 10 year old daughter learned how and when to shift the gears while I drove and operated the clutch. While I was taking her to school one morning (which was clear across town), she asked if she could change the gears, so I showed her where the gears were by the diagram on top of the stick and told her what they were for and when to shift. After a couple times of practicing, I was able to explain the concept of downshifting, so she learned it doesn't have to go back to 1st gear every time. Never a problem with her operating the gear shift every morning and every afternoon and other times we were in the car. When she got her license at 16, she asked me to teach her how to drive a stick so she could learn to operate the clutch too. She got behind the wheel, I told her the relationship between the gas pedal and the clutch and how to prevent clutching out, and she started driving with no further instructions.

Maybe you should start driving it that way. Just get used to changing the gears while your wife is behind the wheel. Then get someone else to teach you how to operate the clutch.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
722 Posts
OK @roverforever I guess I wanted to ask another question. What is your place in life. Do you see yourself as a successful person? I ask this because I think there is a bigger issue here. You seem to be a guy who needs to be cared for. The women I know would find your attitude to be a major turn off and I think your heading for bigger problems with your wife when she realizes she married a boy and not a man.

You need to become an independent man, take responsibility for yourself. It takes one or two days to learn to drive a stick. But the bigger thing is you don't seem to have the self motivation, self respect or will to take care of business. I mean needing to bum a ride from your wife is pretty embarrassing isn't it?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,457 Posts
True in the US but not so much in other countries. If you ever decide to travel, learning a manual transmission would be beneficial.

To the OP, yes your wife's response was a little snarky with the only child comment, but otherwise she has a point. There are consequences to your actions.

"She went on to say that this was another example of me being an only child, where I think that there are usually never consequences and I can just get my way."

Her comment wasn't snarky at all since she said "another example." Only children are sometimes spoiled and undisciplined. She's saying, and has clearly BEEN telling him, that it's true for him. She's fed up and has decided not to cater to him as if she is his mother. She needs a man, not his mother's spoiled child. There's nothing snarky about her constantly having to point that out to him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,347 Posts
Someone figured out early in life that if he gets frustrated someone else will do it for him. And my son, my only child will drive a standard shift car as his first car. I never want him stranded somewhere because he couldn't drive a stick shift.

Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
528 Posts
I have 3 cars with 5 speed manual transmissions and I have over 50 years of driving experience. With one of my cars, I was considering taking out the 5 speed and installing a 6 speed transmission. Practically, it isn't that cost effective so I didn't do it.

I never liked automatic transmissions. One of my bicycles has 27 gears, some gears are the same ratio but I really like the bike. Back to transmissions, I used to rebuild one model of automatic transmission for $300. Now automatic transmissions are more complicated and a low priced transmission rebuild starts around $2,000. Most repair shops don't rebuild now, they install factory rebuilt's.

If OP or anyone thinks a stick shift is difficult, how do people learn to fly a helicopter and especially fly in formation or do evasive moves to avoid enemy gun fire while picking up wounded solders back during the Vietnam and Korean wars.

OK, it is a little tricky with a stick shift to stop while going up hill and restart moving forward again, but it can be learned fairly fast using the parking brake as an aid. I remember working on an old Studebaker with what was called "hill hold" that made stopping and starting going up easy.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hill-holder
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,442 Posts
True in the US but not so much in other countries. If you ever decide to travel, learning a manual transmission would be beneficial.

To the OP, yes your wife's response was a little snarky with the only child comment, but otherwise she has a point. There are consequences to your actions.
Some EU countries charge an extra 200 bux a week for an auto vs a manual
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,930 Posts
If you take your driving test in Britain or Ireland in an automatic then you are not permitted to drive a manual.
When I was younger I was sent to a job in England for three months. At the airport I was handed the keys to a car,it was manual and because they drive on the left the gear stick was operated with the left hand.
Such fun!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,115 Posts
The two of you only have one car? So for ten years you have been having this same fight? Is it really so hard to solve this problem?

A) learn to drive the freakin car already, stop being a quitter
B) buy a car with an automatic
C) get a second car
D) uber/bus/taxi/bicycle/feet
E) divorce, move back home to mommy
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,922 Posts
Married for almost 10 years now. We have recently been working through our issues with counselling.

I have lingering issues with small things, just cannot sometimes shake them and I stew about them. This is the latest that has been ongoing and on the radar actually for our entire relationship.

My wife has a standard transmission vehicle and I cannot drive it. She wanted me to learn originally, as it would be beneficial to her and I she felt. For those times I wanted to use it, take it out and wash it for her, move it into the garage when etc.

I tried a few times but got frustrated trying to learn to drive standard so I gave up. Over the last 10 years, there is maybe 1 or 2 instances per year that come up like she mentioned above.

I guess as things have been more raw for us, minor issues like this start to register for me. And with that in mind, recently I needed to be dropped off somewhere and asked her if she could pick me up and then take me back there later in the day.

Her response was certainly a bit more terse than usual, but she said basically that she has made it clear that the option is there for me to learn to drive standard. Since I have chosen not to, there would be consequences from time to time. In this case, had I learnt to drive her car, I could have easily taken it. She went on to say that this was another example of me being an only child, where I think that there are usually never consequences and I can just get my way.

I guess I have a much different opinion and wondered if I was truly in the wrong on this one. I feel driving standard was something I did not take to well, and now because of the frustration I have lost interest to keep trying. Since we are talking about once or twice that these inconveniences for her come up every year, I did not feel it was very onerous in the grand scheme. And I guess lastly, I usually try to step back and look at things if they were reversed and I guess I could not imagine taking this type of stance with her had she not been able to learn or continue to make the effort to learn standard if roles were reversed.

I know it is minor but wonder what others think of our squabble over this..am I out to lunch on this one?
I have not read other responses to your thread but tbh you need to grow a pair and stop whining. Why should your wife be inconvenienced because it is too much of an inconvenience for you to learn to drive a manual car, where is the fairness in that?

I have a friend whose wife insists she is driven everywhere by him because she doesn't want to drive (though she has a license), it is not helping the marriage at all. You need to put yourself in your wife's shoes.

Sounds to me your wife knows you the best and you are probably selfish in other circumstances also but don't realize it, only children are often like this.

Solution: take the time and get over your frustration and learn to drive the bloody thing!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,024 Posts
OP has not been back since his first post to reply...!

Obviously the information he asked for leans completely to: even children can learn to drive a standard, why can't you?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,033 Posts
I taught my son when he was 16 how to drive a standard. he didn't want to learn at first but I told him everyone should know how to drive one just in case.

He was a great student, learned well and guess what? His first car was a standard. LOL.

I'd be embarrassed if the OP were my husband. I'd make him wear a dress every time I had to drive his pansy ass somewhere because he couldn't learn how to drive a standard. Ugh.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,782 Posts
I gotta tell you how I learned to drive stick. I live in a rural state and at that time kids got a daytime licence at 14. I worked summers cleaning dads cabinet shop. In the winter we burned all the sawdust and waste wood and a few mistakes in the old coal boiler. But in the summer the sawdust had to be composted. We would put sheets of plywood around the bed of the truck making a box 5' x 8' x 5'. I would fill that with sawdust. One day I finished loading the truck around noon, and reported to dad. He just said well go dump it. Of course I said I can't drive stick, to which he replies . . . . (yep you guessed it) "is your left leg broken?" Well by the time I drove it (3/4 ton pickup) 15 miles each way, I was pretty confident with that truck. It was years before I learned to down shift. And every new vehicle had an adjustment period. But like many I now prefer the Standard transmission for the additional control you get.

My kids claim I'm a terrible driving instructor. But hey I didn't have an instructor. Maybe that makes my dad the better instructor. ;)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,024 Posts
I taught my son when he was 16 how to drive a standard. he didn't want to learn at first but I told him everyone should know how to drive one just in case.

He was a great student, learned well and guess what? His first car was a standard. LOL.

I'd be embarrassed if the OP were my husband. I'd make him wear a dress every time I had to drive his pansy ass somewhere because he couldn't learn how to drive a standard. Ugh.
Okay this made me really laugh!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,726 Posts
My STBXH and I had the same squabble! After our marriage, his car died, and he needed to replace it. He was used to a standard, and was concerned about buying one because I cannot drive standard. I told him that since HE was paying for the car, to think about what HE wanted, not what would be easier for me. I said that I would try to learn, but didn't make an promises. He bought a standard, and tried many times to teach me how to drive it. I was excited to learn initially, but found that I just couldn't grasp it, and couldn't get more than a couple of jerky feet before stalling out.
Many tears were shed behind his wheel, and my heart rate and stress levels also skyrocketed, which he could never understand. After many failed attempts, I needed a break, and I pretty much never went back to learning it. It came up a few times, but I just said "no thanks", and the final time it came up, he actually got pretty angry with me, which I didn't understand given that I had made no promises in the first place, and was scared to drive it.

A lot of people here say it's simple; to some, sure! To others, it isn't. To boot, my STBXH was a university prof who taught people all the time. I will say though that I managed to get my best friend's car up to second gear in a big parking lot. She had a much better way of explaining things to me though.

So no, you're not the only one who's had that argument, and no, I don't think you're in the wrong. I do think though that you could maybe do something like take an Uber or taxi instead of asking your wife for a lift.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,930 Posts
I was on a flight to Northern France which was diverted because of bad weather.The airline were going to bus the passengers to the original destination but I was in a hurry so I hired a car at the small airport we landed at.
It was a Renault and it was a piece of ****.
The gearshift was to the right of the steering column and it was a nightmare to drive.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,146 Posts
Married for almost 10 years now. We have recently been working through our issues with counselling.

I have lingering issues with small things, just cannot sometimes shake them and I stew about them. This is the latest that has been ongoing and on the radar actually for our entire relationship.

My wife has a standard transmission vehicle and I cannot drive it. She wanted me to learn originally, as it would be beneficial to her and I she felt. For those times I wanted to use it, take it out and wash it for her, move it into the garage when etc.

I tried a few times but got frustrated trying to learn to drive standard so I gave up.
I won't lie. I would be really annoyed if learning something simple was not achievable because you got frustrated and gave up.

Over the last 10 years, there is maybe 1 or 2 instances per year that come up like she mentioned above.
I wonder if it would be helpful more often but she does not mention it because she knows you cannot do it.

I guess as things have been more raw for us, minor issues like this start to register for me. And with that in mind, recently I needed to be dropped off somewhere and asked her if she could pick me up and then take me back there later in the day.

Her response was certainly a bit more terse than usual, but she said basically that she has made it clear that the option is there for me to learn to drive standard. Since I have chosen not to, there would be consequences from time to time. In this case, had I learnt to drive her car, I could have easily taken it. She went on to say that this was another example of me being an only child, where I think that there are usually never consequences and I can just get my way.
This is telling. She did not express this very well, since your being an only child is irrelevant and a distraction. But YOU did choose not to continue to learn after getting frustrated. It seems that there are other examples of you "getting your way". It might be interesting to explore if there are patterns of this sort that she is resentful about. If it is just the standard transmission, then yah, suck it up Mrs Rover. But it sounds like she views this as an example of a prevalent pattern.


I guess I have a much different opinion and wondered if I was truly in the wrong on this one. I feel driving standard was something I did not take to well, and now because of the frustration I have lost interest to keep trying.
Do you only do things that you "take to well"? I would die of frustration if I had to cover stuff that my husband felt he could not do as a pattern.

Since we are talking about once or twice that these inconveniences for her come up every year, I did not feel it was very onerous in the grand scheme. And I guess lastly, I usually try to step back and look at things if they were reversed and I guess I could not imagine taking this type of stance with her had she not been able to learn or continue to make the effort to learn standard if roles were reversed.

I know it is minor but wonder what others think of our squabble over this..am I out to lunch on this one?
My husband regularly misses the example and thinks it is the problem. I would bet a dollar the transmission and the car are not the problem as she sees it. Else why would she say "just ANOTHER example"?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16,640 Posts
Eons ago, my then 15 year old nephew taught me how to drive a standard transmission prior to my purchasing my yellow VW Kharman Ghia Convertible.

And trust me, if I can learn how, anybody can learn how!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
17,835 Posts
While I think you should learn how to drive a standard, I am concerned with your wife's comment about you being an only child. That is really verbal and emotional abuse meant to force you to do something you don't want to do.

It's true that you won't be able to have her just drop what she is doing and drive you somewhere, but it's also true you can rent a car when you need it, or better yet, get some nice looking woman to pick you up and take you where you need to go.

Maybe that's not a good idea, but you get the point that she really is being way too controlling.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,347 Posts
While I think you should learn how to drive a standard, I am concerned with your wife's comment about you being an only child. That is really verbal and emotional abuse meant to force you to do something you don't want to do.

It's true that you won't be able to have her just drop what she is doing and drive you somewhere, but it's also true you can rent a car when you need it, or better yet, get some nice looking woman to pick you up and take you where you need to go.

Maybe that's not a good idea, but you get the point that she really is being way too controlling.
Verbal and emotional abuse? It's disgusting that you would lump her trivial comments into the same category as people who are actually abused. You do a disservice to those that have actually suffered.

Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk
 
21 - 40 of 68 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top