sleeping in separate beds

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ARF

· #2 · Nov 26, 2012

I don't see how it can be good for sex. Situations vary, but I wouldn't say this would be ideal.

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OhhShiney

· #3 · Nov 26, 2012

Woodchuck said:
Is the decision to sleep in separate beds the beginning of the end for sex?

The wife started sleeping alone about 15 years ago. I see it as the beginning of the slide in sexual frequency....

Probably depends on why.

My wife is a VERY light sleeper, wakes every time I roll over, and I roll over a lot sometimes. Since she has to get up earlier than me for work, she sometimes asks me to go sleep in another room.

I have finally come to accept this, and it has NOT changed the frequency of sex. I even set my alarm so I can return to bed and we can maybe even have some fun before she goes to work

.

I used to HATE being kicked out of the bedroom, as it made me feel very unloved. (I was married for 30+ years to my ex, and even though we had a crappy relationship for 20+ years, we always slept together in a tight spoon position and slept through my tossing and turning).

My wife, on the other hand, slept in separate beds from her husband for the bulk of her marriage.

She is extremely sensitive to being touched, and if I brush her when I roll over, she wakes up instantly. I used to stress over it, but as i don't see this as any kind of a problem. As it is, I sincerely think she is trying to get enough sleep to be productive at work.

When we first got together, we'd end up making love nearly every time I brushed her her, and she got zero sleep. That didn't last more than a couple of months, but it WAS very much fun while it lasted. :smthumbup: It turns out that spooning makes her immensely horny; I wish she wouldn't suppress it, but sometimes one has to sleep.

If I were to notice her kicking me out of the bed and then spending half the night surfing the web on a laptop or chatting on her phone, THEN I'd be pissed off.

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jaquen

· #4 · Nov 26, 2012

Woodchuck said:
Is the decision to sleep in separate beds the beginning of the end for sex?

The wife started sleeping alone about 15 years ago. I see it as the beginning of the slide in sexual frequency....

Doesn't that totally depend on the reason why the sleeping arrangements are separate?

My wife and I don't have separate living quarters, but up until recently we were on very different schedules. I was up late at nights, have been a light night dweller since I was a kid; I just tend to find sleep. So I very often fell asleep on the couch, failing more often than not to make it to the bed, to the point where for years I was sleeping more alone than in the bed.

Didn't affect our sex life at all.

Now if I was sleeping on the couch on purpose, in order to avoid my wife? Well that would be another matter entirely...

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Cletus

· #5 · Nov 26, 2012

I have a pouting room that I use probably every other night. I don't start the night out there - that would be prescription for and end to relations. We usually start out in the same room and I wind up leaving after she's fallen asleep.

Given sex will always be on a weekend night after 10 before midnight event, it's had no impact other that allowing me a better night's sleep during the work week.

You can of course turn it into an excuse to avoid your mate, or vice versa. When used that way, it's more effective than the pill.

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I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

· #6 · Nov 26, 2012

I don't sleep in the same bed as my husband. I have horrid neck issues that interrupt my sleep nightly. I have 3 sleeping areas.

This does not interfere with out sex life whatsoever. We have a very healthy intimate life.

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Michael A. Brown

· #7 · Nov 27, 2012

It depends on the reason how this problem got started.

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StargateFan

· #8 · Nov 27, 2012

Whatever helps you get a better nightsleep can help with the sex life. We just got Tempurpedic Twin XLs pushed together to make a king, but technically Ricki and Lucy beds. The separate remotes are great, and we can toss and turn and minimally bother each other.

Not having to listen to your wife b***h ever morning about her aching back....priceless.

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WorkingOnMe

· #9 · Nov 27, 2012

I don't really want to be married to someone who won't sleep with me. I think it's the beginning of the end of sex, but that's just part of it. There's so much more to sleeping together than sex.

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NorCalMan

· #10 · Nov 27, 2012

My wife and I both snore. As a result, she now has her own bedroom and does not have to deal with my waking her up for sex. She sleeps very soundly and seems very content.

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TrustInUs

· #11 · Nov 27, 2012 (Edited)

I have heard of couples who sleep in seperate rooms who say they are happy, so I guess it depends on the couple and the reason for it to say if it would affect the sex life or not. I couldn't see sleeping seperate from him, and luckily he feels the same.

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Woodchuck

Discussion Starter · #12 · Nov 27, 2012

We slept together for 30 years before she decided she couldn't stand my snoring....She now has her own bedroom......I think it is the easiest way to start the slide to a sexless marriage...

Having said that, I do enjoy the freedom of having my own bed to myself...

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unbelievable

· #13 · Nov 27, 2012

I work strange shifts and come and go at all hours. This screws up the wife's sleep patterns. Also, she has to sleep with the TV and the lights on. Since no normal human can sleep that way, I crash in the spare bedroom frequently. I still love her. When it's time to have sex, we know how to find each other.

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WorkingOnMe

· #14 · Nov 27, 2012

unbelievable said:
I work strange shifts and come and go at all hours. This screws up the wife's sleep patterns. Also, she has to sleep with the TV and the lights on. Since no normal human can sleep that way, I crash in the spare bedroom frequently. I still love her. When it's time to have sex, we know how to find each other.

You know where to find each other, but honestly does anyone go looking? If you're in separate beds, to have sex requires positive action. Someone has to get out of bed, go to the other room and initiate (and risk rejection). If you are in bed every night in various states of undress, and if being in bed that way is the rule, then the positive/affirmative action isn't required. You're already there, so it can start in a more passive way. I just think it's way more likely to happen if nobody has to get out of bed and go to the other room with their hand out.

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jaquen

· #15 · Nov 28, 2012

WorkingOnMe said:
You know where to find each other, but honestly does anyone go looking? If you're in separate beds, to have sex requires positive action. Someone has to get out of bed, go to the other room and initiate (and risk rejection). If you are in bed every night in various states of undress, and if being in bed that way is the rule, then the positive/affirmative action isn't required. You're already there, so it can start in a more passive way. I just think it's way more likely to happen if nobody has to get out of bed and go to the other room with their hand out.

On the other hand two people actually interested in sex won't think twice about taking "positive action".

If you're to the point where you need to sleep in the same bed because you hope something might pop off, then you've got other problems.

All of this just comes off as "Maybe if we sleep together in the same bed she might actually consider laying me".

That just sound so desperate to me, and a much bigger issue than whether you share the same bed at night or not.

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WorkingOnMe

· #16 · Nov 28, 2012

jaquen said:
On the other hand two people actually interested in sex won't think twice about taking "positive action".

If you're to the point where you need to sleep in the same bed because you hope something might pop off, then you've got other problems.

All of this just comes off as "Maybe if we sleep together in the same bed she might actually consider laying me".

That just sound so desperate to me, and a much bigger issue than whether you share the same bed at night or not.

I think you know that the vast majority of men who post on this forum are in that situation, and sleeping in a separate room will make it worse, not better. Most people on this forum are not getting laid like tile.

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Caribbean Man

· #17 · Nov 28, 2012

I have posted on this forum that my wife and I have been sleeping on separate beds FOR YEARS.

But it has not affected our sex life, in fact the sex frequency has increased.
She has a problem during her sleep, her arms and legs are out stretched all over the place , and sometimes she snores.

I am a very light sleeper. So we usually get into bed together, do our stuff, she drops asleep on me and at midnight or whenever, I simply get up and remove her head and hands gently from me, and go into an adjacent room to sleep.
But, both doors remain open.
Funny thing is, even though I'm in the other room, if she gets up during the night to use the bathroom, I hear her footsteps.

But sleeping in separate beds doesn't necessarily mean less sex and intimacy.
It all depends on the reason.

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WorkingOnMe

· #18 · Nov 28, 2012

But you start out together correct?

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Caribbean Man

· #19 · Nov 28, 2012

WorkingOnMe said:
But you start out together correct?

Yes.
We go to sleep together every night.

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jaquen

· #20 · Nov 28, 2012

WorkingOnMe said:
I think you know that the vast majority of men who post on this forum are in that situation, and sleeping in a separate room will make it worse, not better. Most people on this forum are not getting laid like tile.

That's what I'm saying. It it's to that point, how much is sleeping in the same bed going to get you? A once in a while pity phuck just because you rubbed up against them enough that they finally throw a bone?

Reading your post just made me a little mad at the situation, that's all.

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