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I've got a question for the ladies. How important is the physical attraction to your spouse a deal breaker in a marriage? My wife and I have had our share of problems in our 13 year marriage. But she has said a couple of times it is my overall size as a man that she is really struggling with. I'm 5'4" tall, 170#. Wife is 5'3" tall, 175#. Her partners in HS and college were all nearly 6' tall. She had a PA a couple years ago with someone 5'10". She has said they can do things to/with her that I can't because of my size. I can lose weight, gain muscle mass and tone, but not get taller. My size below the waist is average for my ethnicity. I think we look very good together. Do I need to just humble myself and admit I'm not what my wife needs and allow our marriage to move on from there? Is there a way for me to change the way she looks at me?
 

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Given she has already done it before and what she is telling you, it appears she'll continue to cheat on you over and over again.

Instead of trying to please a women that makes you plan B, at best I suggest you find someone that respects you the way you are. You're in for a world of hurt with that woman.

I'm guessing this is not what you wanted to hear but its what you needed to hear.
 

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Most women prefer men who are taller than they are. It's a physiological thing, feelings of being protected, etc.

You can't change your height, if she can't accept it, then dump her and find a woman who will accept you for who you are.
 

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My brother is much shorter than I am, 5'5". He got divorced several years ago, was depressed for a while and then got into dating. He is generally confident, fun to be with and doesn't take any crap. Let me tell you, he did not have any problem getting dates! It really surprised me. My wife and I introduced him to several friends. Some at first thought he was too short, but it was surprising to hear these women tell my wife after hanging out a few times, " you know what, set me up, I like him."

You can't do anything about your height, but attitude and confidence will take you much farther than you think. (By the way, my brother is happily married again)
 

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in our 13 year marriage. But she has said a couple of times it is my overall size as a man that she is really struggling with. I'm 5'4" tall...Her partners in HS and college were all nearly 6' tall. She had a PA a couple years ago with someone 5'10". She has said they can do things to/with her that I can't because of my size
She doesn't have a problem with your 'size', she has a problem with your 'height'. Let's be accurate.

I am TOTALLY NOT buying your wife's BS!

She had sex with TALL guys before marriage so, PRESUMABLY, she had sex with YOU before marriage. Lots of it. And she didn't see any height disadvantage then.

Then she had a PA 10+years into the marriage and says TALL guys can do things SHORTER guys can't. And she just figured that out after 10+ years of marriage. Even though she had sex with BOTH KINDS of men BEFORE marriage. Apparently, she wants to continue having sex with BOTH KINDS of men after marriage!

She did not just SUDDENLY see the light about tall men.
She did not just SUDDENLY decide that she cannot live without whatever gymnastics they provide in the sack.
She is letting you know that she will continue to be attracted to TALL men (and may ACT ON IT again).

1.) Have you ever been to marriage counseling SPECIFICALLY with regard to your wife's cheating?

2.) Have you broached the subject of MC with her NOW? If so, how did she react?

3.) Did YOU rug-sweep her cheating affair a couple of years ago?
 

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I don't think your height nor size is the problem.
You appear to have an extra large forgiving heart.

But the size of her conscience and a bankrupt moral value system is the problem.
Looks like she trying to find an excuse to cheat on you again.
 

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This is more about you, than her.

It's time to change that.

Here, Married Man Sex Life

Read it, understand why she thinks that way. Start the MAP.

When other women look at you, you'll be the man she desires.

Be well.
 

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I've got a question for the ladies. How important is the physical attraction to your spouse a deal breaker in a marriage? My wife and I have had our share of problems in our 13 year marriage. But she has said a couple of times it is my overall size as a man that she is really struggling with. I'm 5'4" tall, 170#. Wife is 5'3" tall, 175#. Her partners in HS and college were all nearly 6' tall. She had a PA a couple years ago with someone 5'10". She has said they can do things to/with her that I can't because of my size. I can lose weight, gain muscle mass and tone, but not get taller. My size below the waist is average for my ethnicity. I think we look very good together. Do I need to just humble myself and admit I'm not what my wife needs and allow our marriage to move on from there? Is there a way for me to change the way she looks at me?
Um... she is struggling with your size? I don't think you're the one who needs to adopt some humility.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
She did say a couple years ago that she wasn't sure she could be trusted to not act on her feelings again (regarding taller men.) I should have taken that comment to heart back then. I just thought she realized back then what was at stake. Losing a decent, yet short man, a nice home, a family with 3 great kids, all for the sake of walking down the sidewalk in heals with someone taller than her. Thought that was somewhat immature and selfish and she would maybe see it that way too. Apparently not.
 

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She did say a couple years ago that she wasn't sure she could be trusted to not act on her feelings again (regarding taller men.)
This is an interesting statement. It makes me wonder what other feelings she might have and act on, stealing? drugs? prostitution? Not real sure where to go with this but at the very least you need to make it clear that while everyone has feelings, acting on one's feelings is a choice and if she makes the choice to act on some of these feelings you will have no choice but to impose consequences
 

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Quote of leading Man
She has said they can do things to/with her that I can't because of my size.

If she wants to play that game you could tell her that you could do things with a woman that is 5’3” tall and weighs less than 175 without all the fat. You could also tell her that you could also do things with a woman that respected you and your children enough to not betray the whole family rather than a cheater.
However, you are a class act and a good man you will probably not do that.
Think about that the next time she disrepects you.

Quote of Leading Man
Do I need to just humble myself and admit I'm not what my wife needs and allow our marriage to move on from there?
Do what ever you have to do for YOU to cope. You will have to find another way to reinforce that you are a good man; your wife is a detriment in this area.


Quote of Leading Man
Is there a way for me to change the way she looks at me?
Yes, start building yourself up, and allow others to help if appropriate, and get all your needs met (Except sex) without your wife. In other words get as self reliant as possible to the exclusion of your wife.



Quote of Leading Man
Thought that was somewhat immature and selfish

BINGO! You have your wife all figured out
 

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l think you've gotten some great advice here. Work on yourself and your confidence, whether you stay with your wife or not. That is what really attracts women.

She just HAS to have a tall man, so why did she marry you? Like you said, your height is something you absolutely cannot change. And your wife making you feel inadequate because of it, and using it as justification for screwing around, is reprehensible in my opinion.

Sounds to me like you'd be better off with a woman who can appreciate you.
 

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What size does she wear? I'm guessing at her height she's at least a 16 or so right? 16 petite?
There is so much wring with her I don't know where to start. She shouldn't be "struggling" with anything other than the fact that she betrayed you. This is showing remorse? How long ago was her PA?
Personally I like men who are taller than me. It can be just am inch. Partly because I have always been broad shouldered like a swimmer and I just feel like I'm huge compared to a shorter man.
But there are tall women who do date shorter men. I'm sure if you were out there looking you might find someone taller AND thinner than her with morals too.
Maybe you should tell her that her height and weight bother you too? How would she feel?
Look she married you. She knew what she was doing. There are no take backs. Unless you were wearing stilts when you got married she knew what she was marrying.
She is still stuck in affair fog. I'd move to Cooing with Infidelity if I were you.
You need to take charge and take action. She needs to make up her damn mind. Make it easy on her, either she commits 100% to your marriage or she can go.
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from what you've written it seems to me the height thing from your wife is an excuse. I wouldn't be surprised if she was with a tall guy she'd say she couldn't help herself to have a little taste with a shorter guy.
 

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But what can a tall man do sexually that a shorter man cannot? I am trying to imagine positions...

I think I'd have to call BS, and ask her for specific examples....
 
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