Situation with mother in-law, and should we sale this house according to our situation.

Well, the house was paid at once in cash by my husband in 2019, so it our house since we do not have mortgage. No bank or any mortgage has a say in who we let live in there since my husband paid this house off in cash up front.
We paid it off with his Savings. Yes, the house is right now is vacant, but we pay the utilities bills and property taxes.

And I do come there to keep it clean dusting for her and stuff. The house we bought for her only 10 minutes drive away from our house.

The doctors told us her age 80, and she needs Dialysis 4 times a week, her kidney is bad, and her stroke leave her paralyzed half side of body. We want her home so so much but doctors just won't recommend, just not with her condition. I mean doctors are right, she does need all around the clock nursing care.

I guess I just need reassurance, my husband does have a Real Estate Agent Realtor that he chose, and we did talk with, I told them to let me think some more and they say whenever we ready just contact them.

My husbands leave the decision up to me, as we not short on money, we both debt-free and he makes 130K a year take home after taxes, so we really don't need to milk out money from rent out this house. I want to sale it, but half of me keep wish his mom get better and come home to the house we bought for her, if you get me.

We both are not landlord people, so I guess sale it is our best option.

@MJJEAN
Thank you Sir/Miss MJJean. I know my post it long but I write out the thoughts in my brain straight out I don't think before I talk, my mouth has no filter so sorry for that.

But how can anybody miss this part. It MORE than just 4 times a week kidney Dialysis. [[ his mom had a stroke that now caused half of her body to be paralyze, basically she no longer can sit up on her own without nursing help and has to be spoon feed. ]]

Sorry but hire a helper is no way can be the same as a team of nursing in Medical Nursing home whom certified and train for these stuff as everybody there is in my mother in-law age group and they not in great health.

How do you expect to hire a helper to care for a 80 year old woman that has a STROKE that leave half her body paralyze, you need "Medical" nurses for that. The doctors will not sign her out of nursing home, period.
Unless you want to go Against Doctors Medical Advice. And there a form for that for you to sign that you go against doctors, you be responsible for anything that happened to your mother in-law when she out of the Nursing home.

Thank you Miss. It just inside me I hope his mom can come home to the home that we bought for her so she can live there in her old age, but life don't always work out like how we want, I guess part of me still wish she can come home. But then half her body is paralyze from the stroke, it not easy as just hire a helper trust me.

Will tell my husband that I'm ready to sale now. This has nothing to do with money, I'm frugal, penny pinching even, I don't need money (how much do a housewife me eat, I don't even spend on anything), I want to save for him so he can retire early.
I love him so so much, he 38 and he has work since he was 13 years old that when his first job paycheck and he has work nonstop since.
.....
And he been working 70 hours a week! in order to pay for both of our houses in cash paid off at once, so we not have to have mortgage. I just want to sale this house at least get the money back to his savings.

And I just want his mom home because I loss BOTH my parents, so I see her as a mom too. And my husband already loss his dad, I don't want him to loss his mom too then we both will be adults orphans.

Thank you Miss MJJEan.

Thank you so so much for all the inputs/advice.

We decided to sale the house.
And we also talked to his mom's doctor (whom is a Specialist) and also talk to the Nursing home doctor, and they both agreed that once his mom deteriorate to the point of Hospice, they will let his mom home with us and have in home hospice for her so my husband can take care of her in her last months. As that what my husband wanted, and the doctors agreed. She not at the "hospice" stage yet, but we has to plan ahead as she 80.

--- We did visit the Nursing home for the just passed whole Mother's Day weekend Sat and Sun to care for his mom, we stay all day both days.
My husband loves his mom so much. She basically half body paralyze after her stroke, so she has to be on wheelchair. Whenever he visited is he told the nurse to let him change her diapers, and he spoon feed her too. Her kidneys is failing and she also had her gallbladder removed, so her stool basically are soft liquids, he wipes her and change her. I help turn her to the side only, and he does everything for his mom. It not easy.

--- His dad passed away a long time ago, at the time it was the end stage of his father illness, it was basically the end, even the hospital couldn't help his father, the doctors and surgeon said his father only has 3 months left maximum so it was at home Hospice that him and his mom agreed to.
The doctors were right, his father only end up living only 7 weeks (so almost 2 months) and his dad died. That whole 7 weeks he took off work and care for his father, his dad was basically bed bound and comatose, and he change his dad diapers and care for his dad, he told his mom as a son let him do something for his dad.

His dad did die at home, with his mom and him by the bedside, he loves his father so much, he basically pushed us away, he sit there with his dad dead body for 12 hours (rigor mortis sets in and everything), we fully understood but we told him 12 hours already passed, we have to called the Funeral home, and they come and took his dad body away, and he still followed his dad dead body to the van watch them put his dad body in, and he even ran after the funeral van as they drove away.

I never see a son who love his father so much. It because of this, I feel that once his mom die, he going to get PTSD, perhaps he already got PTSD from his dad's death. I lnow he will care for his mother as he said he wants her at home hospice so he can care for her once she get to that stage, as doctors said they won't put her in hospice until she has under 6 months to live that the rules.

--- In 2021 I go Covid, brain disease run in my side of the family so somehow the Covid trigger my brain because it stop the oxygen flow to my brain, my oxygen drop so low that I was rush to ER, they immediately admit me and put me behind a glass room and pump 60 Liters per min of oxygen to my nose for the first 3 days, or else I would have die. That is alot of oxygen went in my nose, 60 LITERS per min of high flow oxygen.
He visited me everyday and stay the whole day, but at first he was only able to watch me from outside the glass door and talk to me over the phone, until I was stable enough for the oxygen level to lower down then they let him in.

After 15 days I was discharge home with hospital bed and oxygen machine to help me breath as I was still need oxygen, but lower oxygen level now but I was still hook the oxygen machine even at home.

At home, I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. The bedridden me defecate on myself and my husband clean my poop and pee that whole month. He also sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside, we had a hospital bed in our bedroom.

The doctors offered him in home help, he refused, he said he is my husband, he wants to be the one care for me. So he rather be the one that clean my poop and pee and wipes me for the whole month when I was bedridden. Trust me, adults poop is nothing like babies.

After one month I recovered and off oxygen. I will never forget this, as without him that whole month care for me 24/7 I don't think I could recover, how can I care for myself when I was on oxygen tank hook to my nose 24/7 and bedridden.

Sometime I ask myself the question, is there fate? Perhaps this is his fate for this life time. But then my culture is superstitious, and I'm an astrology freak. I been study my husband birth chart and his personality and his life play out like what his birth chart say, even when his father died the transit show.

He is cursed, Cancer Ascendant (which is know as Rising sign). No, Rising not your Sun sign, Sun stay in a sign for 30 days, Rising/Ascendant is the sign that rise at the time of your birth (so you need your birth time in your birth certificate), your Rising sign is more personal than your Sun sign as everyone who born in that 30 days will have the same Sun sign, but the birth time is what determine your Rising sign, and it personal.
He Cancer Rising with bunch of planets in Scorpio, too much water in his chart, too much depth and emotions. He love insanely intense just like Scorpio, and he insanely protective of his family just like Cancer, and he just can't seem to let go of those he loves; his father, his mom, me and our child (whom also died due to brain disease from my genes, as brain disease run in my side of the family the maternal side).

Maybe there is astrology and fate after all, maybe our life is fated/fatalistic, and we just can't change fate.

You can believe all you want about fate and/or astrology, signs, and all that, but that doesn't change the fact that it's all superstitions, and nonsense that have nothing to do with the reality of this world in which you're just a biological entity that will live life based on every moment of your life's decisions, actions, and surroundings. No one is "destined" to anything. It's all interconnecting actions/decisions on a daily basis.

If I were to believe that I was destined to be the greatest mathematician in the world, then no matters whether I burned my brain to study mathematics or not would be irrelevant, because I "believe" that I would be; but the reality is that I don't have the brain to be that, so, I would rather state, let me try to be a mathematician, let's see how far can I go towards that goal.

The approach you're rationalizing is nothing but pessimism, that plus he's no cursed, he might have had a lot with his parents care as they age and die, but he taking care of them and you should be look at it as positive. You got "lucky" that you have a spouse that will be there for you and won't dump you at the first sight of failing. If that's fate, then you should be glad that he's your fate.

stay-at-home-wife said:

Me and my husband don't have a financial problem in marriage, but this is a "financial" related that I need input on, so I will posted under here.

Both me and my husband are debt-free, he very responsible with money, he never been in debt before in his 38 years of life (we both 1984 babies, we same age), and I'm frugal. We live in Texas and we live comfortably with his income, he max out his 401k and multiple IRAs every year.

We have no mortgage, our house he paid off in cash at once when he bought it, and it brand new build too back when he bought it so we didn't need any maintenance as the house was brand new build, we the first owner in this house. No car notes (both cars are paid off longgg time ago), no credit cards debts or students loans, no debt of any kind.

I however have a problem I want input on, so I really appreciated if you give me some input. Thank you in advance.

Both my parents died a long time ago, I only have an older brother left which live in a different state.
My husband his dad died already, he has an older sister but she died on car accident on freeway from a drunk driver hit into her car. Basically my husband only have his mom left.

His mom is 80 this year, had him when she was 40, he the baby one in the family.
In the year 2019 I told him to use his Savings to buy a small house for his mom so she can enjoy her old age live rent free. And I see the house as an investment too because home prices usually go up overtime.

He did listen to me and bought a house for his mom in 2019 paid in cash with his Savings, not a big house or anything it 1,700 square feet house. But the house newly build in 2019, so basically now in 2023 the house still new.
The house is under both of our names, I'm his wife so he puts my name on there with his. The house is NOT under his mom name, however we bought it for her to live in there rent free.

Problem. For the past couple years his mom health deteriorate, she is currently right now in medical Nursing home that required 24/7 around the clock nursing care. Why? Because one is her kidney problem, she needs 4 times a week Dialysis or else she can't live, because her kidney no longer can filter, and when your kidney is at the stage of 4 times a week Dialysis, let be frank here, it not good condition at all.
Also,
few years ago his mom had a stroke that now caused half of her body to be paralyze, basically she no longer can sit up on her own without nursing help and has to be spoon feed.

We want her back to her own home, the home we bought for her, BUT doctors completely said No, because a woman age 80 with kidney problem that need Dialysis 4 times a week, and after her stroke that leave her body half paralyze, she needs full time nursing care. Yes, she has been in medical Nursing home, we do visit her every weekends, everything has been good, she just won't be able to go home with her conditions like that.

The doctors said she will have to remain in nursing home for the rest of her life as she needs Dialysis 4 times a week, and nurse around the clock care for her as her stroke leave her paralyzed half body.

We at the point the house is vacant, and I think of sale it, as it still new in there, as nobody ever live in that house since we got it newly build in 2019 beside my mother in-law.
It not a big house, like I said it 1,700 square feet but it still new, so it sale-able, and summer time usually it a good time to sale house.

I not want to rent it out as I do not know anything about be a landlord. And my husband has his full time job (long hours even) work at his Petroleum-chemical process plant, he work with Corrosive Hydrofluoric Acid and gasoline.
We both not in debt, no debt of any kind, so we don't need the extra money had if we rent out this house. So we think of sale it.

What would you do if you in our situation, I want to hear others input, but right now I'm leaning sale with the situation we in. We has been toying with the sale idea for the pass half a year, we just wish his mom will get better so she can come home, but there not much hope with her health conditions, doctors said she has to be in nursing home, full time nursing care is needed, period.

Would sale be better for us in the LONG RUN?

Thank you so much for your help.

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It's really great the way you're taking care of her. It's sad that you would be willing to accommodate her in her own home with home health care and everything but that it's just impractical because her problems are so severe. It might give her peace of mind to know that the house is still there and that her things are still there. It's possible that at some point she'll start feeling more like the nursing home is her home but that's not easy to do because you really don't have any of your things around you.

It's possible that she might bring it up sometime and let you guys know. Since it doesn't sound like you're in financial problems at all, I think I would just occasionally take some photos around her house of her personal items and her backyard or whatever. And just show them to her and I think that would bring her comfort. She probably can't last very long the way she is and then you can sell the house.

I imagine she is more attached to her belongings than to the house itself. The house will only appreciate and value but you'll have to keep an eye on it and security to be sure that somebody doesn't discover it's vacant.

Thank you Ms. DownByTheRiver, she only lives in this house since beginning 2019, 2019 was the year my husband bought this house for her with his Savings, took him till the age of 34 (he was 34 when he bought the house) in order to buy this house pay fully up front, house are not cheap.
He put the house in my name and his name, but let his mom live there for free and he pay all utilities and home tax, everything. His mom she happy see her son filial to her, but unfortunately she not live here long and she had her gallbladder removed, and then her kidney progress got worst, now it at the stage of she needs Dialysis 4 times per week. Then she had a stroke that leave her half body paralyze.
The specialist doctors put her in Nursing home because there no way a woman age 80 can be at home when half her body paralyze and needs wheelchair. And 4 times per week Dialysis too.

He still blame himself that it took him till the age of 34 in order to have enough cash in Savings to buy that house for his mom, and now his mom not enjoy the live in the house long enough and now has to be in Nursing home already.
Then he blame himself that it only 1,700 square feet house (not big) he feels he not done enough for her, we telling him she only ONE person in a 1,700 square feet house by herself is big enough. We told him we proud of him, at the age of 34 able to pay off a brand new build house in cash with his Savings is not common, and he done enough to show filial to his mom.

We talked to his mom and she also wants us to sale the house, as half her body paralyze after the stroke she won't be the same anymore even if she back in that house. The doctors agreed that once she get to the point of hospice, they will let her have in home Hospice (at our house) so my husband can care for her in her last months. So far she not at this stage yet (thank God), but the doctors told us to be prepare as she 80, and her kidney won't get better, nor is her half body paralyze.

I don't know what the future holds I just hope his mom can live a long time as I see how much he loves his mom, he has been crying, but it just doesn't seem good with her condition and the age 80.

@Rob_1

Thank you Sir Rob, I reread your commen and you are right, I should drop the astrology and superstitions stuff. My husband is like you, he very science, but then he is a "man" and you know men their brain just not wire like us women.

You are right, I'm very grateful to have him as my husband.
I see it within in my own family, when my aunt have Dementia, her husband (my uncle in-law) just throw her in Nursing home so he not have to take care of her, and she was not even bedridden or half paralyze, she just have Demetria.

Men or women, regardless of gender, not many people can for months and months care 24/7 clean and wipes their father and mother poop and pee, it not easy.
And he does that for me too when I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose. I defecate on myself because I was bedridden, and if it weren't for him clean me, I would just lay there rotten in my own defecation. He said he married me with the intend to grow old with me (we same age), that including in illness, so clean my poop and pee it nothing to him. He said unless he on his dead bed, he will care for me.

When I was bedridden, I heard him talk to his boss on the phone, he said he needs time off to care for me, if his boss doesn't approve his request he will resign. He said to his boss he only have one wife, and if God forbid anything happen to me, these are the last days he ever has with me.
He said money can be make again, but he only has one wife. Fortunately, he has 16 years of experience in his job field, and he has seniority there, his job position required alot of experience on their belt, so his boss really need his 16 years of experience, so his boss approved him time off to care for me. Thankfully I recovered after 1 month.

He was like that with his father too, his father whom died a long time ago has end stage Cancer, and has at home hospice as that his requested so he can for his dad. And back then he said the same thing, he only has one father and mother, his father is dying, these are the last days he has with him, so he took off work to care for his dad 24/7, and his dad died 7 weeks (doctors estimate 3 months), but stage 4 Cancer it the end, his dad was half comatose and his dad gone earlier than the expected time.

Now his mom is 80, and half paralyze from the stroke, and kidney problem that required 4 times Dialysis. The doctors said if that what he wants, when his mom time get there when she has few months left to live they will let her go home and have at home hospice, so my husband can care for his mom, like how he care for his dad in his dad Stage 4 Cancer.

The thing with him is he very protective of his family, he can afford helper, hell even the insurance covered in home helper, but he refused all, he said he can does it, things like spoon feed, change poop pee diapers, he can does it (and he did, he care for his dad of 2 months straight before his dad passed).
.....
His mom kidney right now is ok, but at 4 times per week required Dialysis needed, there will come the day when Dialysis no longer going to work as the kidney will just stop working, and by that time his mom only have few months left and the doctor will let his mom go home hospice so he can care for her.

I don't want to stress him, if that the arrangement he wants then that what he wants, as "he" the one will care for his bedridden mom, not me, I'm just a daughter in-law.
If by he care for her in her last months can help him feel better, then why not. His mom is not doing good, she 5'4 (162cm) and she only weight 80 lbs (36 kg), she basically skin and bones, kidney failure too. The doctors did told us to prepare, and I just want to prepare my husband for it, he does NOT deal well at all when it comes to death of the people he loves.

Thank you Sir Rob_1, yeah we plan it like that, when his mom get to the stage of Hospice, the doctors agreed to let her home at home hospice as the doctors see how much my husband want to fulfill his filial duty to his mom.

Sir, Sir, it is normal for an elderly whom has kidney failure and half paralyze to weight 80 lbs with the height of 5'4
I mean that is bone and skin. His mom not really have appetite, she still living based on the 4 times per week Dialysis. We do visit her every weekend, and he cries everytime he saw his mom knowing her health and seeing she bone and skin like that.
I'm sure the Nursing home take good care of her, but she just not have much appetite. She is 80 years old.

eta: oh and according to astrology, of his birth chart and his Solar Return and Secondary Progression, (astrology techniques of prediction), and his mom birth chart, an astrologer help me and give me the prediction is that next year 2024 his mom will die, BUT then I also told the astrologer his mom health condition and in Nursing home, so the astrology can just predict based on that.
I guess we going to have to wait and see if astrology is correct that his mom will pass in 2024. My husband said it nonsense. yeah, I'm being superstitious again.

Me and my husband together since 25, we 39 this year (we 1984 babies), we married 12 years, together 14 years. Hopefully we can grow old together, as the too many planets in Scorpio man him, and the Gemini woman me, we just not compatible "astrology wise", my husband said it utterly nonsense, and we will grow old together. He like you, he hates the pseudoscience astrology, he strictly hardcore science.