[RebuildingMe]

So I’m about to be single again. In reflecting, I’m not sure I know what I want but I’m pretty sure I know what I don’t. I’m actually looking forward to the break.

 

[RebuildingMe]

Hope you're doing ok.

Doing well, thanks @TXTrini. This is going to be my doing. I’m just waiting for the right time. It’s been long overdue. The older I get, the more set in my ways I’ve become and so the people I’ve met. Uncompromising people will keep me single, and I’m thinking that’s the best path for me now.

 

[RebuildingMe]

Well, it won't get any easier the longer you drag it out, for either of you. Do you think she senses it's coming?

It does sound like the best course, you've been around the block enough to know relationships aren't easy.

I think she knows it’s coming. She always has to one up me so I was hoping she’d beat to the punch. Nothing so far though ☹

 

[RebuildingMe]

I'm sorry to hear this too, but if you are with someone who makes you feel unhappy and frustrated, it's better to be alone so you can find someone else (if you want to).

You don't seem to ever have trouble finding women to date...maybe you should try @Numb26's way of casual dating for awhile? You could enjoy the fun company and companionship when you want to and then have space and freedom when you want to as well, and not have so many expectations that you aren't willing to compromise for that create stress and frustration and conflict.

Or just stay single, if that makes you happy too! Lol!!

Thank you. I think alone is best, at least for now. I still have to drop the hammer. I haven’t yet. I’ve had the kids for a week. We haven’t really seen much of each other, so I think we both know what’s coming. It’s been 2 months since sex. The writing is on the wall.

I’m not familiar with numb’s dating life. Last I heard he was no longer in the US, so based upon that alone, I’m sure his prospects are better.

How are you doing? Any dates yet?

 

[RebuildingMe]

2 months???! Dude, just rip the bandaid off! THIS time, don't let listen to your **** and be led back into a dead-end relationship.

The timing wasn’t right. I had my family in for Christmas this last weekend to see my newly renovated house and she had been invited. She was a big help cleaning and stuff while I was doing all the cooking. I hope to remain friends with her but we don’t make a good partnership. This is also going to be tough on the kids. But it’s what I need to do.

 

[RebuildingMe]

Uh oh... starting to feel the itch?

I'm an idiot and burnt the only bridge I had, with a eighter too 🤣

Nah, no itch. Honestly, she stopped satisfying my itch long ago. It took a while to come out, but she is not a sexual person. I think the first year was an act that she couldn’t keep up with.

 

[RebuildingMe]

It's weird at first but eventually I got used to the idea of just not even trying to date for now. Mentally it was bizarre because for me that would mean also giving up any partnered sex for now, but once I ok with that the rest was easier. Now all my time goes to working on myself, my family/friend/pet relationships, and developing parts of myself that I couldn't when I was dating or in a relationship.

Hang in there, it gets easier.

Or who knows maybe it will be one of those things where when you stop looking, your partner magically finds you.

So I’ve been in my new house just over a year. Prior to that, I was living in my brothers basement apartment. During the divorce, I was dating a lot and meeting anyone I could just to stick it to the ex. She was doing the same. Now, being in my own space, I kinda like it. I think if I met someone with whom I can share life with, it would be acceptable. But I don’t want someone telling me what to do at 51. Current gf seems to offer a lot of unsolicited opinions. You know what they say about people that live in glass houses…

 

[RebuildingMe]

So after two and a half years, I finally had “the talk” with gf tonight and broke up with her. This morning I asked her if she was free this week and she said tonight. When I moved the location from my house to a diner, I think she new the **** was for real. We parted as friends. She said she knew it was coming.
About 30 minutes before this I was dropping off my daughter at her moms house. I was telling her she lucky to have parents that love and care for her. Mine are gone. She says “dad, you have GF and she’s great!”. This is going to be tough on them…

 

[RebuildingMe]

Awww…yeah its hard when the kids like a new person and then there’s a breakup. Your daughter will be ok tho. She will see your actions where there was a no drama, still can be friends breakup and she will learn a lot from that.

Don’t wait too long to tell her even tho it may be disappointing. Once you say things ended nicely she will quickly move forward. It’s when things end messy that it also messes kids up.

Take a break and realize you are finally now at a new stage post divorce. It takes a couple years and a couple rebounds to get there. Things get easier from here. We are all proud of ya because we know it’s hard to go through breakups but putting your own best interests first is always the right path.

Thank you for this. I have a break for a week without the kids and gf was very sparse the last few weeks so I think I have some time. Yes though, I have to tell the kids. It’s actually nice to have a civil break up for a change. I’m definitely laying low for a while. Just my cat and me.

 

[RebuildingMe]

My bird says “hi cat”.
View attachment 95561

Milo says hello back

 

[RebuildingMe]

That's the worst part 😑



Gawwwhhh... ah hell you'll be fine. You guys got Milo! 🤗

That the thing. Kids won’t really understand. We generally got along very well in public settings. Kids have no clue that daddy hasn’t gotten laid in two months!
This cat is the best kind of company!

 

[RebuildingMe]

Hope you're doing ok. Good to hear you pulled the plug, even though it's never pleasant to break up with anyone. It's always best as soon as you know, to spare the person as much as possible. Sorry the kids will be disappointed, but that's life sometimes, right? Poor things, they're learning early.

Glad you got a pet, so at least you have something to love.

Hi. Things okay. I think she wanted to work on it but I needed a break. She’s a nice woman, just not for me. I thought she was, as the first year was good. But I was bogged down with an intense divorce and some clues may have gone unnoticed. My kids are used to disappointment in their 11 years, but they always seem to bounce back and don’t seem to let the actions of their parents bother them much. We’ll see…

 

[RebuildingMe]

What was her reason for the sexlessness? Did she provide one?

A multitude of excuses (mind you from the mindset of wanting to try and work things out)
-life, kids
-she works three jobs
-she needs to feel the attention, hands rubbing her back, her ass, hugs and she hasn’t been receiving that

Relationships are hard work. My experience has been that the work I’ve put in isn’t worth the end results I’ve gotten. She is not all to blame in this, not by a long shot.

 

[RebuildingMe]

Oh, so this is the same woman who you've been with? Because I thought you broke up with her a few times over the past year, and she would come over with pizza and sex...? I guess I thought you were with a different woman now.

It's hard when you have that long of time between you, but this is why you said you don't want to get married or live together again, so it's easier to break up with someone who stops meeting your needs and being a good partner for you. I'm not sure why she thought she could take sex away from you, when she knows you won't put up with that. If you continue having to "work" on the same issues over and over, resentment will definitely grow between you, so it's much better to part on friendly terms once you know you truly aren't compatible.

And as long as the kids still have you, they will be fine. It's good for them to see that their dad can handle being on his own too.

Yes, same one. We’ve been “off” at times but never anything official, until last night. There have been instances that I’ve caught her talking to guys that raise my eyebrow, but I don’t think it was anything more than that. However, she knew how I felt about this and continued to make poor decisions in that regard.

The final nail, however, came about two months ago. My ex wife got gf’s number from my daughter and texted her. She started out by saying how happy she is that gf is in kids life, they both talk glowingly about her, etc. Then she said you probably think I’m a monster by what RM has probably said about me. Let me set the record straight…she droned on and on about all of my issues like we were back in the courtroom again. I saw the entire conversation. However, what I didn’t see was that gf:
-never shut it down
-never defended me
-continued to ask questions and press for more info about me
That was it for me. I need someone that is going to have my back, especially against my mortal enemy. Against the woman who still tries to alienate me from my daughter. I saw nothing from gf of almost 3 years. A person that claimed to love me above anything. That is not someone I wanted to continue this “partnership” with. I said as much last night.

I really didn’t even bring up the sex, or lack there of. She did because she knew how I felt. I didn’t have to say anything. I was focused on the events leading up to our ultimate demise.

I made sure to rub one out before the meeting, so I went in with a clear head.

 

[RebuildingMe]

I don't understand that last one...she needs physical touching and attention - which she could get FROM sex - BEFORE she has sex...?? Why not just have sex then, if she needs that physical attention so badly?

It’s like I have to put in days and days of work to get some, I’m not really even sure?? I do know that when we physically sleep together, she has to tie me up like a pretzel with her arms and legs. I can’t stand that. Let me just sleep! I take ambien for reason, ya know?

 

[RebuildingMe]

This is a super generalization, and I hope it comes through the way I mean it. But there’s 2 types of HD people.

There’s the ones who would like to have sex every day or more and this is consistent regardless of any other factors.

And there are the ones who are HD only if certain parameters are met. They definitely will have sex every day, but only in certain circumstances. They can get drained by something and then not have the type of sexual energy they would have if they weren’t drained.

But the first type still wants to have sex even if they are drained, sleepy, have a headache, etc. Short of being puking sick or in major pain, they will still want to have sex.

The second type thinks they are like the first type. But when you bring up “we’ll I’m drained too but I still want it”, they look at you like that’s insane.

If you are of the first type it’s really hard to find and date other first types. Because the second type will tell you oh yeah I want it even if I’m drained or have a headache. Except they only did that once in their life when all other circumstances were perfect. But in their mind they think that means they would always want sex in less than perfect circumstances. They won’t though. And us first types will notice it right away when we actually get in a sexual relationship.

She added she “could give me sex everyday, if that’s what I wanted”. However, to provide “meaningful sex”, she has certain conditions that have to be met. Again, I didn’t really bring up sex last night. She knows my feelings and what I won’t accept. She’s the one that led with that topic. She considers herself a very sexual person (I don’t agree). Over time she fell into the trap of weaponizing sex, which I’m very experienced in spotting.

 

[RebuildingMe]

Dude.

what Your ex did was exceptionally low. Come on. 3 years now. She got what she wanted. Took half your stuff. Going back to continually attack you and screw up your life is evil and makes no sense at all. And yes, your GF not having your back is just as bad.

those things would have gotten to me as well.

I couldn’t agree more. That was the nail in the coffin.

 

[RebuildingMe]

Reading about Rebuilding's exgirlfriends personality makes me sad. There are men like that out there too. We're all too old for this bull ****. Makes me feel hopeless at times, that I won't find someone who's not all messed up.

Ok, sad rant over. Back to being my sunshiny self. Btw, this Valentines day is starting to look very vibratey-ish lol! And I'm ok with that lol!

What’s scary is not all of it came out quickly. Drips and drabs. Again, the first year I was focused on other important matters, but still. People can hide shady crap and it takes time to flush it all out. No pun intended.

 

[RebuildingMe]

I could be wrong, but I’m guessing this woman needed her engine revved up prior to sex - as in, quality time spent together where little touches (sexual and non-sexual) happen over a long period of time throughout the day to get her excited. I think this is what people talk about when it comes to responsive desire.

hopefully someone else can chime in here if I’m incorrect.

Hard to do when you don’t live together and have short stints of time due to her kids she has 26 days a month. Time + touches = meaningful sex worked out to no sex for me.

 

[RebuildingMe]

How did she react about her NOT having your back with the exW?

She deflected by saying she didn’t want to get involved in the first place. I told her she had the power to shut it down but she didn’t. She finally understood how I felt this was a betrayal. She walked away sad. I know this is not over. I’ll be shocked it there is not another attempt by her to get back together somehow. Apparently the pool of men my age is so bad, that even though I have five children and two failed marriages, I’m still somewhat in demand. Amazing what home ownership and a good career can do to mask the blemishes.