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This is why we need a TAM BBQ.

seems like the majority of TAM folks are introverts (I am also INTJ). Pretty sure all
Of the singles would have a partner by the end of the evening. Especially if there is drinking involved. 😂
If we have a TAM BBQ and majority of TAM folks are introverts, or worse, if we are all INTJs... :unsure:

View attachment 90876

I'd be down for the INTJ BBQ!
 

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TXTrini brought up a good point. Introversion versus awkwardness. I am so not awkward lol!

If I were to be observed in my office for just one day at work it would be apparent to everyone that with some people who come in to see me I’m completely open and fun and others I just don’t even wanna hear your voice lol! There’s even one who I will get up from my desk and walk out of the room when I hear him coming so he can’t trap me in conversation. And yet another I can’t wait to compare brain fart stories with! It’s our thing lol! The ones I avoid tend to be the ones who have no self-awareness at all. Those people absolutely take everything out of me.

But I still wouldn’t want to live with the ones I find interesting and have fun with. I need a break from everyone else’s minds. I like to be alone with my own thoughts.
 

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The past year has been a rough one but I think I’m finally coming out the other side. I’ve spent the past several months wondering how long it would take me to get over the break up with Tank. His shenanigans weren’t helping that process at all. And I’m stupidly loyal, to a fault. It’s not my brain doing that either. Some part of me holds onto love fiercely and refuses to let go. I’ve never understood that part of myself.

It’s been almost 11 months now and I can finally say I’m done. I didn’t talk about this part of the process because I knew it was gonna take me a really long time and it was pointless. I may have come on here and talked about it if I had thought there was some chance at reconnecting with him but that was never the case.

Love is evil lol! And so blind! Strongest drug there is. And oh boy did I love him, more than I ever loved exH. It was the first time in my life I had ever experienced that kind of connection and chemistry with another person so in that sense I’m really glad I met him. I know now what that’s like.

So I haven’t been ready and I never would have done that to someone if I had met someone who ticked off a lot of the boxes. Thankfully I didn’t hit it off with anyone, it wouldn’t have turned out well, for them.

Tank tried logging into my POF again last month. He tried logging in with a user name I haven’t used in 2 1/2 years. The one I was using when I met him. That dating app was his last link to me. I shut it down the next day and won’t be using it again. No more access to me. No more freaking chaos.
 

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The past year has been a rough one but I think I’m finally coming out the other side. I’ve spent the past several months wondering how long it would take me to get over the break up with Tank. His shenanigans weren’t helping that process at all. And I’m stupidly loyal, to a fault. It’s not my brain doing that either. Some part of me holds onto love fiercely and refuses to let go. I’ve never understood that part of myself.

It’s been almost 11 months now and I can finally say I’m done. I didn’t talk about this part of the process because I knew it was gonna take me a really long time and it was pointless. I may have come on here and talked about it if I had thought there was some chance at reconnecting with him but that was never the case.

Love is evil lol! And so blind! Strongest drug there is. And oh boy did I love him, more than I ever loved exH. It was the first time in my life I had ever experienced that kind of connection and chemistry with another person so in that sense I’m really glad I met him. I know now what that’s like.

So I haven’t been ready and I never would have done that to someone if I had met someone who ticked off a lot of the boxes. Thankfully I didn’t hit it off with anyone, it wouldn’t have turned out well, for them.

Tank tried logging into my POF again last month. He tried logging in with a user name I haven’t used in 2 1/2 years. The one I was using when I met him. That dating app was his last link to me. I shut it down the next day and won’t be using it again. No more access to me. No more freaking chaos.
Hey, there's nothing wrong with loving hard; the only trouble is when is at the expense of living yourself and accepting the unacceptable. Count me in as a stubbornly loyal person, except instead of continuing to love I will crush that love for self-preservation. I've had to cut out toxic, abusive family members like a cancer and move on, so it's nothing new.

Why do you think you refuse to let go of someone that's clearly not good for you? Not being critical, just thought-provoking, I've been down that road and reasoned through the why's as part of my letting go process (with the help of an amazing therapist!). You don't need to answer me, just yourself.

Love is not evil, I still think it's the only reason that motivates us to do great things. Unfortunately, some people have warped ideas of love or use it to hurt or manipulate others... If you let them.

You know, I think it'll hurt me more if my bf and I break up, than my divorce did, because for the first time in my life I feel appreciated for myself (and the sex is really good 😂).

I'm so sorry you're still dealing with Tank's crap; he seems to be a very disturbed, mentally ill person to be that intrusive and downright criminally creepy! It's nearly a frigging year! Forgive me if I can't remember, but are you doing therapy? It might be helpful to learn how to let go of people who are bad for you.
 

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This is so sad to read. No dating/poor dating, sex starved singles that are still starving, afraid to meet neighbors. Ugh. I have met so many friendly and helpful people on my block. They know I live alone and that I bought the house with nothing but the clothes on my back. They have lent me tools and have helped me in so many ways. They return my cat when the little snot gets out. My son met the boy next door and he is constantly ringing my doorbell asking for my son. I think I need to give this kid a custody schedule 🤣. I wonder if you all are struggling so much with dating because of your “hermit” type lifestyles? Can anything be done to change that? Really, I don’t know. That’s not my personality at all.

I'm an extrovert and dating is no easier on this side of the fence.

Regardless of introvert/extrovert status, building relationships, both platonic and romantic, takes vulnerability, consistency, and positivity. These things are in short supply in this day and age.
 

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That is certainly possible and I recognize it as so. But in my defense, in this modern age of dating where there's always someone better one swipe away (I don't do online dating but everyone else does) and considering my age (and not interested in dating much younger or very older), I am a placeholder to just about every man I meet. I just cannot compete so I settle for the best of what's available to me, aka Pogo.

But to your last point, @farsidejunky I really appreciate you saying that I deserve better but you and I both know there is no correlation between deserving and getting.
Not entirely true. Knowing you deserve better can lead to better if it causes you to pass on the lower quality people.

Treat yourself as one who deserves a quality man because you are.
 

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Why do you think you refuse to let go of someone that's clearly not good for you? Not being critical, just thought-provoking, I've been down that road and reasoned through the why's as part of my letting go process (with the help of an amazing therapist!). You don't need to answer me, just yourself.
I’m aware of what I do but I don’t know why I get stuck so hard. I’m pretty sure for me it’s because I’ve never had an awesome/healthy relationship so I cling to what could have been. But I knew I would do this so I was prepared. Logically I know exactly what needs to be done and is why I never caved when I missed him or wanted to talk to him but the letting go for me, it’s a whole nuther ball game. I mourn for a long time. Maybe it would’ve been easier if he hadn’t kept trying to insert himself into my life? I’ll never know.


Love is not evil, I still think it's the only reason that motivates us to do great things. Unfortunately, some people have warped ideas of love or use it to hurt or manipulate others... If you let them.
I was being tongue-in-cheek for the most part. 😁 but I am convinced a lot of people right here on this forum would agree that it was love that kept them hanging in for much longer than they should have so in that sense it is like a powerful drug.

You know, I think it'll hurt me more if my bf and I break up, than my divorce did, because for the first time in my life I feel appreciated for myself (and the sex is really good 😂).
You two sound pretty solid and plenty of time has passed for you to figure out whether or not he’s a good one, so apparently he is! You’ve got a good head on your shoulders and would be one to recognize that. 😊

I'm so sorry you're still dealing with Tank's crap; he seems to be a very disturbed, mentally ill person to be that intrusive and downright criminally creepy! It's nearly a frigging year! Forgive me if I can't remember, but are you doing therapy? It might be helpful to learn how to let go of people who are bad for you.
Thank you and I’m alright. I was in therapy for about six weeks back in the summer after the incident in July. She basically gave me the boot after my six free sessions lol! I talked that poor woman's head off and by the end of those sessions she told me she didn’t think I needed any help. She basically told me I’ve got this but left the door open if I want to go back. I was keeping it all bottled up because I didn’t want to dump on my family or friends. I know now I just needed an outlet.
 

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Plenty of Fish, a dating app. It doesn’t come very highly recommended by most on here but I was still using it because of the sheer number of people on there. At least in my area.

It has a free version as well as a paid membership version.
Woah. Why was he trying to log into your account?! You all have been broken up for 11 months, right?
 

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Woah. Why was he trying to log into your account?! You all have been broken up for 11 months, right?
First week of October will be a year. There’s a big backstory to all of this but in a nutshell he began messing with me back in March and it’s been something once a month ever since. Some of it pretty serious and other stuff just very petty. He’s apparently very vindictive.
 

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I’m aware of what I do but I don’t know why I get stuck so hard. I’m pretty sure for me it’s because I’ve never had an awesome/healthy relationship so I cling to what could have been. But I knew I would do this so I was prepared. Logically I know exactly what needs to be done and is why I never caved when I missed him or wanted to talk to him but the letting go for me, it’s a whole nuther ball game. I mourn for a long time. Maybe it would’ve been easier if he hadn’t kept trying to insert himself into my life? I’ll never know.
Sometimes is just sheer will... mind over matter. I learned to keep asking myself, why do I want someone who doesn't want me/treat me as well as I treat them/etc. to call myself out for keeping myself stuck. I wish he's just gone away, trust me, I get it. Although I've maintained no contact, my ex in-laws haven't and it made letting go harder, especially for a naturally curious person. They'd leave cryptic messages in e-cards (MiL fingerprints!) but this year for the first time I managed to delete it before opening. This **** is no picnic, especially when people just can't leave you alone.

I was being tongue-in-cheek for the most part. 😁 but I am convinced a lot of people right here on this forum would agree that it was love that kept them hanging in for much longer than they should have so in that sense it is like a powerful drug.
Definitely! It's certainly why I suffered many indignities I felt too ashamed to post on this forum willingly. I'm trying really hard to "check myself before I wreck myself" now, and not sacrifice my needs for someone else. Sorry, but I'm kinda dense sometimes, thanks for spelling it out😁

You two sound pretty solid and plenty of time has passed for you to figure out whether or not he’s a good one, so apparently he is! You’ve got a good head on your shoulders and would be one to recognize that. 😊
It's funny, because so many people here advised me to punt him early on. I've come to appreciate his patience and pacing. I'm way more impulsive and impatient, he's more measured and careful, we balance each other out. It's been really great now that I don't feel so guarded anymore, I was terrified to fall for a front again, but I was resolved to walk if that turned out to be the case (still am).

Thank you and I’m alright. I was in therapy for about six weeks back in the summer after the incident in July. She basically gave me the boot after my six free sessions lol! I talked that poor woman's head off and by the end of those sessions she told me she didn’t think I needed any help. She basically told me I’ve got this but left the door open if I want to go back. I was keeping it all bottled up because I didn’t want to dump on my family or friends. I know now I just needed an outlet.
😆
Isn't that the job though? I truly bless therapists' patience everywhere! Listening to us ***** and moan while refraining from slapping us! I've trying not to dump on anyone either, but been leaving little turdlets here and there to consistently blow off some steam.

Anyways, just wanted to let you know you're definitely not alone! This **** sucks, but you gotta do what you gotta do, capisce?
 

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The only thing missing I can't find in singledom are cuddles, the type where you find yourself in someone else's arms, the feeling of contentment and safety, the issues of the world dissolving into nothing. Cuddles > sex :rolleyes: and it's the only thing I can't seem to let go of. Reminding myself that there are even happily married couples who sleep in separate beds and don't cuddle, so I won't feel so bad.

Once I find a way to no longer desire it or recreate the chemical discharge using drugs I'm set for life.
 
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