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Damn son, you're making me feel bad now 😆 . My bf and I mauled each other immediately, been hot and heavy ever since.
Yeah well there are some massive red flags for me, I'm still making up my mind too. I like her but still unsure, may make a thread about it later but maybe next week after I find out more info.
 

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Well, I made a thread - private section, could use some INTJ input @TXTrini

Been reflecting this morning wtf... 3 months ago I was still whining about getting triggered by flashbacks about my ex, then from someone flirting with me at work persistently sparked a 2 month crush that resulted in me losing a friend (ms crutch) because she got jealous and wanted to be more than friends... only to have the crush ending so suddenly as well yet on my exit managed to meet another woman who now has peeked my interest.

What the hell!? Life 😑
 

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It's interesting that @Not is having some second thoughts when it comes to the person that they're seeing because of them being financially well off and I recently had a bit of a realization about this myself. I knew that my girlfriend essentially worked out of obligation to the family business and not out of any need. I had thought it was mostly just the fact that she was in the military and had disability from that.

I also knew some side things that indicated that should have been better clues to her actual financial situation. For instance, she was a major when she got out and never had kids but she's said that saving for the future had been important for her piece of mind. I knew that she owned her house outright. I knew that she employed a financial planner to manage her money.

The trigger of my revelation was that I had complained that my withholding must have been messed up because I had to pay in ~$600 in federal taxes. She kind of laughed and said that she wished that her taxes were that cheap. She had to pay in $9000 into the federal taxes because of her investments. Assuming her financial planner isn't completely incompetent, I'm dating out of my tax bracket by a significant margin.

I don't think it will be a problem since but it is unexpected since I'm an engineer that works in one of the more expensive places in the country.
 

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I hope everyone is doing well and that the mothers in the group had a wonderful day yesterday. I am feeling very confused and I am just going to spill it here. Next month marks 3 years of seeing the man I have referred to as my "tiger." Being single and keeping a small business running I tend to be quite busy, he also has a very demanding career and has 2 boys who are school age that he has shared custody of. He is 56, I am 59. We have been able to give each other time and space with each other's careers and our families. We get together when we can and go do something, catch up (we talk for hours), really do enjoy each other's company. Politically we agree, logically looking at various topics we connect and it is easy, he has told me that he is comfortable with me and has told me that says alot for a man. If I need support or advise on a subject he is the person I turn to. He is very supportive and helped shed light in areas that I was unsure about. Equally he has told me that he has shared things with me that he has never shared with another person. We have taken 3 trips together, never a dull moment. He and I have lots of energy and both are spontaneous. He does not drink, smoke, no drug use. I drink very little and I like doing everything sober (my ex was an alcoholic).

Here is the problem.....a lady friend of mine who is European keeps sending me messages telling me that this guy I am seeing is not showing interest like a man who wants a long-term relationship. She is married and having an affair, sleeping with every guy that comes along and appears to be looking for her next sugar-daddy as she is claiming she is going to divorce her husband of 20+ years, the man that pays for the nice big home she lives in and everything she needs while he lives in a small apartment 2 hours away due to work, (she did not want to move so she stayed and he took the job he had applied for). I do not ask her advise. What sparked her last reply was that I sent her an article about taking things slow and really getting to know someone instead of jumping into things so quickly. I have told her that I feel too many couple jump in when the hormones are raging and they think this is love only to wake up and realize they can't stand each other. She says "love" happens in the fir 6-12 months and anything that reaches beyond that is just a booty call. I have chose not to tell her things about "tiger" and I as these messages really are very hurtful.

I have jumped in to relationships with both feet, met the family, became attached to the children, I was the stepmom who shoulders a majority of the care for my stepsons and I purposely have chosen a different route. I want to take my time, I want a concrete foundation, I want to be sure of who I am seeing and that those feelings are not just based on the hormones are brains get flooded with. I am not jumping into anything with anyone. I do not want to cut ties with my lady friend but I also cannot have her beating up my choice vs what she feels is right for me.
 

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I hope everyone is doing well and that the mothers in the group had a wonderful day yesterday. I am feeling very confused and I am just going to spill it here. Next month marks 3 years of seeing the man I have referred to as my "tiger." Being single and keeping a small business running I tend to be quite busy, he also has a very demanding career and has 2 boys who are school age that he has shared custody of. He is 56, I am 59. We have been able to give each other time and space with each other's careers and our families. We get together when we can and go do something, catch up (we talk for hours), really do enjoy each other's company. Politically we agree, logically looking at various topics we connect and it is easy, he has told me that he is comfortable with me and has told me that says alot for a man. If I need support or advise on a subject he is the person I turn to. He is very supportive and helped shed light in areas that I was unsure about. Equally he has told me that he has shared things with me that he has never shared with another person. We have taken 3 trips together, never a dull moment. He and I have lots of energy and both are spontaneous. He does not drink, smoke, no drug use. I drink very little and I like doing everything sober (my ex was an alcoholic).

Here is the problem.....a lady friend of mine who is European keeps sending me messages telling me that this guy I am seeing is not showing interest like a man who wants a long-term relationship. She is married and having an affair, sleeping with every guy that comes along and appears to be looking for her next sugar-daddy as she is claiming she is going to divorce her husband of 20+ years, the man that pays for the nice big home she lives in and everything she needs while he lives in a small apartment 2 hours away due to work, (she did not want to move so she stayed and he took the job he had applied for). I do not ask her advise. What sparked her last reply was that I sent her an article about taking things slow and really getting to know someone instead of jumping into things so quickly. I have told her that I feel too many couple jump in when the hormones are raging and they think this is love only to wake up and realize they can't stand each other. She says "love" happens in the fir 6-12 months and anything that reaches beyond that is just a booty call. I have chose not to tell her things about "tiger" and I as these messages really are very hurtful.

I have jumped in to relationships with both feet, met the family, became attached to the children, I was the stepmom who shoulders a majority of the care for my stepsons and I purposely have chosen a different route. I want to take my time, I want a concrete foundation, I want to be sure of who I am seeing and that those feelings are not just based on the hormones are brains get flooded with. I am not jumping into anything with anyone. I do not want to cut ties with my lady friend but I also cannot have her beating up my choice vs what she feels is right for me.
Why would anyone in their right mind take advice from this friend of yours? It seems that the only things she knows is: 'how to take advantage of others'.
 

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... Here is the problem.....a lady friend of mine who is European keeps sending me messages telling me that this guy I am seeing is not showing interest like a man who wants a long-term relationship. She is married and having an affair, sleeping with every guy that comes along and appears to be looking for her next sugar-daddy as she is claiming she is going to divorce her husband of 20+ years, the man that pays for the nice big home she lives in and everything she needs while he lives in a small apartment 2 hours away due to work, (she did not want to move so she stayed and he took the job he had applied for). I do not ask her advise. What sparked her last reply was that I sent her an article about taking things slow and really getting to know someone instead of jumping into things so quickly. I have told her that I feel too many couple jump in when the hormones are raging and they think this is love only to wake up and realize they can't stand each other. She says "love" happens in the fir 6-12 months and anything that reaches beyond that is just a booty call. I have chose not to tell her things about "tiger" and I as these messages really are very hurtful.

... I do not want to cut ties with my lady friend but I also cannot have her beating up my choice vs what she feels is right for me.
@AVR1962 ,

First, I'm sure you know that her "advise" is TERRIBLE! I mean... o_O I suspect you know this, but before anything else, I did want to say that out loud. Her concept of "love" is lust.

Second, why don't you just tell her something like "Thank you for sharing your opinion, but mine differs greatly and I do not want to discuss this. I didn't ask for your opinion, and I don't want to share my opinion. I am happy as I am."? I mean put it into your own words, but just tell her you disagree and don't want her opinion. If she continues, just tell her that you're likely to cut back on your interactions because you respectfully requested that she stop, and she chose to railroad over your request.
 

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I agree with leftfield -- your friend has the morals of an alley cat and has NO IDEA what it means to be in a real relationship. She is a user -- I would take NO advice from her on anything to do with relationships at all.
If YOU and "tiger" are comfortable with what you have right now, then be comfortable and don't let your friend second guess you.
Here's a question -- with your work, etc., would you really have TIME to devote to him more than what you have now?
 

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@AVR1962 ,

First, I'm sure you know that her "advise" is TERRIBLE! I mean... o_O I suspect you know this, but before anything else, I did want to say that out loud. Her concept of "love" is lust.

Second, why don't you just tell her something like "Thank you for sharing your opinion, but mine differs greatly and I do not want to discuss this. I didn't ask for your opinion, and I don't want to share my opinion. I am happy as I am."? I mean put it into your own words, but just tell her you disagree and don't want her opinion. If she continues, just tell her that you're likely to cut back on your interactions because you respectfully requested that she stop, and she chose to railroad over your request.
Yes, I do know her advise is terrible and yes, I have even told her that love is not those first stages of infatuation when the hormones are racing. I have told it is lust. She tells me that men know almost from their first date whether they want to marry you.....BS! She claims she has read all this in articles and listens to videos that same the same. It is mind boggling. I normally just do not give her information anymore but I sent her an article about taking things slowly and I got more than I expected from her reply. I just had to off load this crap, my cat covers her ears and doesn't listen, LOL!!!!!!
 

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I agree with leftfield -- your friend has the morals of an alley cat and has NO IDEA what it means to be in a real relationship. She is a user -- I would take NO advice from her on anything to do with relationships at all.
If YOU and "tiger" are comfortable with what you have right now, then be comfortable and don't let your friend second guess you.
Here's a question -- with your work, etc., would you really have TIME to devote to him more than what you have now?
I will have a little more time once summer comes and am looking forward to it!!!!!!
 

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I do not want to cut ties with my lady friend but I also cannot have her beating up my choice vs what she feels is right for me.
Be wary that some part of her, conscious or not, may have a desire to sabotage your successful relationship. Possible motives include envy, or simply trying to justify to herself your approach is inferior to hers.

Maybe acknowledge your advice might not have been welcomed, as you ask to mutually disengage from the topic.
 

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I lived in Europe for 16 years and have several European friends. They do think differently and the ladies that are my friends believe men do men's work and take care of their lady.
I think you must have met the wrong people, honestly. Of course there are people who think like that in Europe, but it's a bit of a thing of the past. Not my experience at all.
 

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This guy never said he wanted to have a FWB relationship
What was "tiger's" response when you told him you were running to the dentist's rescue? Wasn't it something along the lines of you do you and he'll do him?
eta:

posted 7-11-20
OldTimer, I saw the red flags. I broke things off with the ER doc shortly after my original post here. When I did I was shocked by his lack of expression or concern. Infact he offered that I could go to him for sex anytime which was the last thing I needed to hear.
I guess FWB is more accurate.
 

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AVR, different people have different needs and their perspective is informed by those needs.

My best friend couldn't understand why my bf and I weren't proclaiming eternal love 3 months after we started dating.

Another friend can't understand why we don't really talk much about our future.

But I have other friends who understand completely because they think more like me. Neither bf or i are all that expressive and what we have works for us at the point we're at in our lives. While we haven't made long terms plans we talk often about what we'll do next fall/Christmas/etc, so clearly we're both in it for the foreseeable future. We're not expressive but I'd say we both behave in a loving manner. We're at 3 1/2 years.

But somehow I still manage friendships with the women who don't think like me, though in fairness nome of them are affair having trash.

Your friend doesn't have to agree with you. You can consider her thoughts or not, then you can either make clear that you're happy or just not share so much.
 

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I think you must have met the wrong people, honestly. Of course there are people who think like that in Europe, but it's a bit of a thing of the past. Not my experience at all.
I have 2 very good friends, one from Spain and one from Iceland. Both will do anything inside the house but believe men should do "men's work." My stepson married an Italian lady and it was the same thing. She expected to provided for very well.
 

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AVR, different people have different needs and their perspective is informed by those needs.

My best friend couldn't understand why my bf and I weren't proclaiming eternal love 3 months after we started dating.

Another friend can't understand why we don't really talk much about our future.

But I have other friends who understand completely because they think more like me. Neither bf or i are all that expressive and what we have works for us at the point we're at in our lives. While we haven't made long terms plans we talk often about what we'll do next fall/Christmas/etc, so clearly we're both in it for the foreseeable future. We're not expressive but I'd say we both behave in a loving manner. We're at 3 1/2 years.

But somehow I still manage friendships with the women who don't think like me, though in fairness nome of them are affair having trash.

Your friend doesn't have to agree with you. You can consider her thoughts or not, then you can either make clear that you're happy or just not share so much.
Thank you, that sounds like my situation and like yourself I get these reactions from my friends that he is not genuine because of this or that. I have stopped saying anything. Why can't our lady friends be happy for us and be supportive?
 
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